Stepchildren really do hate me
Please help me. I'll try to make this brief and easy to read. I need help.
His kids:
Oldest child - age 16. Completely mentally unstable. Lived with us briefly and turned this house upside down. Ended up in mental hospital for a couple months and then went back with her mother. Mother allows her to do whatever she wants. She's quit school and lives with some boy. I doubt she will be back here
Child #2. Lives with us. Is away with her mom right now. I have one rule in my house. No food in bedrooms. She will not respect this. I had to go in there to make bed for another child to use and found a huge amount of food and trash. She's been smoking since age 13. She lies to me and my son (same age) tells me she hates me. My daughter (12) said she heard her say she wants to stab me. Her father won't believe it. He just gets mad at me when I find all that food and filth in her room. I am I. Tears for days when SHE does something .
Child #3. The best of the bunch. Visits us only rarely. I wish she lived with us
Child #4. Oh god please help. She is 3. She is usually only with us every other weekend but is with us for a month now and I'm only 1 week in. She gives me the finger. Sticker you he out at me. Does not speak to me at all - not even yes/no questions. She doesn't listen to me at all and acts totally different when Her father is there. He does not believe me when I tell him she's doing these things...she's a baaaaby. She is not. She is cried and coddled and does whatever she wants including doing these incredibly disrespectful things. I can't stand it. I am going crazy. I do t want to hate her but I'm leaning that way. I cannot go out when she's at the house. I can't take her anywhere with the way she behaves. I need serious help
I have been in her life since she was 9 mo old. This only recently started like this. About the same time court determined her father gets heronly every other weekend
Note: their mother bad mouths me to them all the time
Yes. I refuse to guess what
Yes. I refuse to guess what the little one wants. I give her water to drink and would gladly give her something els if she would ask (which she is perfectly capable of doing). I give her three very nice meals a day. If she wants more if something or a snack she can ask (which she is perfectly capable of doing). But, she'd rather die than ask me anything or answer a question. Yesterday I told he r that if she doesn't answer simple yes/no question, she'll get time out each time it happens. She understand 100% of everything u say to her. She is perfectly capable of answering and asking for whatever she wants. It is only me that she treats this way and for no good reason I can see. I am really starting to resent it
Do I? If I am I guess it's
Do I? If I am I guess it's one of my own creation .
He says to me he knows how his kids can be and I should speak my mid to him and stand up to them. But when I do, I get in trouble. Really what it seems like is he wants me to ignore all bad behavior
What a nightmare and you are
What a nightmare and you are in it for a long time. If your dh won't support or believe (vidoetape their behavior) maybe you should cut your losses and get out now
You're not married. None of
You're not married. None of his kids are your problem. None of any of this is your problem.
#1 is no longer an issue. Well not until she shows up on yurt front step pregnant and abandoned by the boyfriend.
#3 isn't an issue
#4 can be sent off to daycare when Dad isn't home.
That leaves #2. Is it your house or your boyfriends? If yours, lay down the rules. Enforce the rules . Decide for how long you intend to be ignored. When you've reached your timeframe, either follow through with consequences or boot Daddy and kid. Where does a 13yr old get regular cash to smoke?
Yes, it's my house I don't
Yes, it's my house
I don't know where she gets the money. I know she steals them from her dad at times. Every now and then she gets money by helping her dad but not often. Her mother likely provides them like candy
I would love to send her off
I would love to send her off to daycare. We no longer have a regular daycare person now that she's only with us every other weeken, typically. Last summer, when we had her two weeks on - two weeks off we did do that. I know there are places you can put kids that will take them just for a month or whatever but honestly I don't feel like I should spend my money on that And it would be my money
Do not tolerate living with
Do not tolerate living with shit. That includes the skids and may include your DH. Move on.
He doesn't believe you? Then
He doesn't believe you? Then he's basically calling you a liar. It's not as though the three year old is providing her side of the story. That would be enough for me to b out of there permanently.
Yeah he didn't believe it
Yeah he didn't believe it when I told him #2 said she wanted to stab me. He insists on believing it was actually # 1 that said it. My daughter says she's clear in who said it and what was said and I cannot see how she'd make something like that up.
The 3 yr old has lied to him about me. He has called her on it a couple times but mostly ignores it. He can't blueberry his pwecios would do such things to me cuz she's only a baaaaaby. I must be imagining. She doesn't know what she's doing. I'm crazy. She's a baaaaby. To me, 3 is no longer baby. She understands everything, uses the toilet, and exercises free will. Not a baby.
Time to spank some Skid ass.
Time to spank some Skid ass. Escalate the consequences if the behaviors do not immediately align with the rules you set for your home.
Don't tolerate it even in a 3yo or when it is older it will be intolerable.
Tell your DH that as your equity life partner you expect him to step up and nail this crap to the wall now and if he doesn't you will and he can STFU about how you do it. I would not tolerate his tolerance of how his toxic spawn treat you. If he refuses to step up, be a man, and parent then inform him his kids will leave your home now and not return until YOU are confident that he can be man enough to parent and keep his toxic spawn in line.
There has been an outbreak of the ball-less non-man virus in the STalker universe lately and as a man I an getting truly disgusted by the number of ball-less wonder POS men are victimizing their brides by tolerating intolerable behavior from their toxic crotch nuggets.
Grrrrr!
If I told you more about him
If I told you more about him you'd be ticked of about how little he actually contributes. I provide everything he and his kids need, he works, but the business does not even pay for itself. He can be very unreasonable, aggressive and a real asshole. the last couple weeks have been particularly rough
And you tolerate this
And you tolerate this why?
Never forget to take care of you.
These kids might have
These kids might have reactive attachment disorder which is a sign of what your describing. Also I have a child who stuffs food I to his mouth because his biological mom starved them. Thus more, the hiring food is a behavior of abuse and it's a psychological disorder that children have when they have been neglected. Look at that we have our two in therapy for this..
Thanks, Oregonducks... that
Thanks, Oregonducks... that may very well be.
Yeah, That's what I thought
Yeah, That's what I thought too Jasper... unfortunatel, I'm met with so much resistance and even violence from the oldest two that I just hide in the basement and let them do as they will.
I really thought that I could be a good influence on all of their lives. I looked forward to providing things they've never had and giving them a decent home. Unfortunately, it was so much more complicated. They take whatever they can get from me, and then use anything and everything against me and report back to their mother - often things that are not even true. One time I made beef stew in the crock pot when they came. Good, right?... who doesn't like home-made beef stew, served with egg noodles??? They had to immediately call their mother and complain about what I was feeding them. She called their father's phone and bitched about it..."You KNOW they don't eat any kind of stew!!". Seriously,They would rather have vienna sausages and twinkies. (This was all three of them that did this - I think it was last fall when they all happened to be visiting... just prior to Thanksgiving I think)
I do get support from their father sometimes. Often not at first.. at first he wants to blame me.. but then he thinks about it and realizes. He gets tired of hearing about things they are doing wrong and he can't figure out why I just don't "handle it". Well, gosh... I get in enough hot water for doing nice and normal things ... can you imagine what would happen if I had to CORRECT them for real? And it HAS happened.