Nope, not crazy at all. Bullies are a tough topic to deal with. I used to get bullied a bit when I was a kid. It went on until I started hurting the bullies more than they hurt me. When I realized that getting hit hurts whether you are hitting back or not is when I began to get the bully issue under control. I made sure that the bullies understood that their choice to bully me would cause them far more pain than just leaving me alone.

My anti-bullying career came to its pinnacle when I was about 14. A kid that had intermittently bullied me since about 5th grade made the mistake of trying it again. After lunch one day at school I went out to the court yard where everyone hung out. I was standing there minding my own business when someone jumped on my back and knocked me to my knees. It tore holes in my brand new Levi very cool elephant bell jeans. (Tells you about how old I am) and bloodied my knees. As I stood up someone else did the same thing again. As I stood up the second time I spun and cold cocked the 2nd guy right in the middle of his lower lip and chin splitting his lower lip completely in two so that he had two flaps of bloody meat hanging down from his mouth. I then turned to the first guy who very intelligently held up his hands and said that he was sorry and would not mess with me again. The bisected lip guy needed cosmetic reconstructive surgery to fix his face and replace a couple of his teeth. The Principal of the Jr. High called me to his office. I sat at his desk while he reviewed my file. He asked who the hell I was. I had been in his school for 7th and then most of 8th grade and had never been in any trouble, made decent grades and was basically a non presence. I explained what had happened. He covered a grin, gave me the lecture about not fighting then told me that he would have done the same thing. He then sent me back to class with no additional consequences. The two bullies were suspended and spent a few weeks in detention. This could have been a big deal since the big sister of the kid I mangled was a year older and a cheerleader. She and I spoke of the incident a couple of weeks later. She laughed when I apologized for maiming her younger brother and told me he deserved it. Apparently their dad lit in to him pretty well over the incident particularly over the medical costs to reconstruct his lip and teeth. Interestingly the side effect was that I went from being a nonentity at the school to being very quickly pulled in to the in crowd. I never liked fighting and never bullied anyone else but standing up to bullies is what kicked off my Jr. High and HS social climb.

My SS had an issue with a bully when he was 5yo and in Kindergarten. A boy that was about 4 years older who lived down the street would sit behind my son on the school bus and would choke my Skid. One day I noticed bruises on my son's neck and after a long talk got him to tell me what was happening. The bully was a small kid who was trying to get in with the kids his age and decided that my much younger kid was a good target to show off to his peers by bullying. Bad idea. I instructed my skid that the next time the bully choked him to reach back grab one of the kid's ears and tear it off of his head. So the next day I get a call from the school to come get my Skid. He had partially torn off a kid’s ear on the bus ride in the AM. So I picked the kid up from school and took him out for ice cream to celebrate his standing up for himself. The school did not appreciate my celebrating the partial removal of a kid's ear.

That evening we got a knock on the door and the bully's dad is standing there trying to hand me the hospital bill. I called my son to the door and asked the father to explain why my 5yo son had choke marks on his neck from his 9yo son? My kid told the story, the dad got confirmation from his ear bandaged kid and that was the end of that. Needless to say I did not pay the hospital bill and the funny part was his bully kid literally got his butt kicked for most of the walk back up the street to his house. His dad was not happy that the 9yo was choking a 5yo.

My son never fought much. After that incident we enrolled him in martial arts. He was tested by bullies several times over the next several years and would only keep them from hitting and hurting him. The schools gave him a couple of awards for not fighting back. That used to chap my ass. We were trying to teach the kid to be assertive and to stand up for himself and the school is rewarding him for being a pussy. Oh well. It worked out though so after all he learned how to defend himself, set an example of what would happen to bullies that messed with him and did not turn in to a bully himself. Interestingly my SS is now 21 and the only physical confrontation he has had since elementary school was earlier this year when he visited his Sperm Clan for the first time in a couple of years. He went because one of his younger Sperm Idiot spawned half brothers got arrested for carrying a concealed hand gun. The kid is ~15. SS decided he needed to go straighten the kid out and took some leave for a visit. The Sperm Idiot got lippy with my kid when SS confronted him about the crappy example he is setting and made the mistake of shoving my son. Bad idea. Apparently Dick Head ended up with a hand around his throat, the back of his head slammed and held firmly in to a wall, his feet several inches off of the ground as my son explained to his Sperm Idiot that he had better not let the younger kids get out of hand again and force my son to come for another visit and he had better never lay a hand on my son again.

I was so proud.

So rather than abandon your home and relationship, have your 5yo partially detach the bully’s ear the next time SS-10 bullies him. I would say to go with the bisected lip method but it is harder and more expensive to fix. That should take care of the issue for good. In my opinion and experience the only way to deal with a bully quickly and effectively is to demonstrate how painful it will be for them to mess with you.

I know, not the approved anti-bullying mantra of today but it works. Funny how bullying has always been around but was never a huge problem before the don't fight back folks got hired by school districts around the country. Now bullying is some big tragedy that kids are completely unprepared to deal with on their own. Kids need to learn that the way to fix bullying is to show them assertively that it is far less painful for them to not pick on you.

IMHO of course.

This is a really hard situation. Not only have I seen my fair share of bullies, but my own step and bio children fought like cat and dogs for about 3 years. It was not always pretty. And it was never one thing that would work. I can tell you that when you jump in to solve the problem for the kids, it usually gets worse for the one being bullied. It ends up adding fuel to the fire and proving the little one to be more of a victim, which somehow makes the older one want to keep bullying him. Stupid logic, but hey, it's what happens.

There is something happening, perhaps that he's being set up to be a dominant person in the house without being stopped. He is doing the same thing to your son that he is doing to you. Exerting his "power". What is his father doing? How is he handling the fact that this kid feels the need to hurt others and put them down in order to feel that he has some sense of control in this world. He needs some serious guidance and possibly counseling.

In the end, the mantra for us became, "I'm sure that you two can find a solution that makes the both of you happy," and then we walked away with instructions not to come get us unless they needed a doctor or lawyer. That being said, my daughter has learned to be a lot more aggressive with her sb who's a preteen. He knows that she is no longer going to play the victim and be a push over.

While ripping an ear off might not be my exact advice, you will have to help your child deal with this without needing you to intervene all the time because that is only setting him up for the worst.

Your sons's safety is your first obligation. Hard as it may be, you need to move out of your current living situation (or have your BF and his son move out) if the physical safety of your son cannot otherwise be secured.

Reading your OP again, it sounds like your boyfriend has treated his son like a spouse. I dated a man whose son was pretty much like this. His son tried to correct my daughter, who was only a couple of years younger than him, he also would interject into our adult conversations and talked to me if he was on my level. I also experienced the frustration of not being able to have a conversation any where around him, because he'd always try to interject his two cents.

Your BF's son is ten years old and I'm assuming an only child. Basically, this kid has been allowed to be the center of attention and treated like a mini adult for his entire life. If the adults around him treat him like an adult it's only going reinforce for him what he thinks his role is.

Your BF needs to stop treating his son like a mini adult. And when SS hits your son, BF needs to punish him, but it doesn't sound like that's happening. The problem is with your BF, not the SS.

Boy, I have a son that age. I would go mama bear if someone hit him. I would seriously consider hidden cameras so you can be more informed of what exactly is going on here. I've never gotten them but they are not very expensive.

Since you've moved out, keeping SS away from your son should
be easy now. Continue to date BF if you want but bow out of any blended activities.

Does cos mean cause? And neva mean never? I'm a little thrown off by the internet speak.

If you can afford it, it sounds like this child may need a therapist. If BF can't get to the bottom of this, and you're at the point of isolating the kids, this child needs some major attitude re-haul, and the way to do it is get to the root of what's bothering him. By sleeping with his father, he's been allowed to control the situation without any kind of consequence. He's accomplished just what he wants...separating the two families so he has dad all to himself. Don't take that to mean he necessarily wants you to split up either...because that would be another failed parental relationship in his life, and even if he thinks it will be great, it would really bother him.

Ultimately, good on keeping the boys separate. Now BF has to get his SS to admit he "hates" the two of you, and more importantly, he has to figure out why. It's the "why" that's the root of the problem, and it could be as simple as he wants his dad to take him on dates just the two of them once in a while. You never know. Also, it's very important that at this point you NEVER argue with BF in front of this child. You are the villain here, dad is the good guy, no matter what, so you better believe he will take dad's side, and use any type of voice raising against you. He needs to see the two of you as a strong front, one that he cannot penetrate. He already has by making you sleep separately, so, my advice there is to implement a major consequence on that one.

1) Keep your 5 year old away from him
2) BF has the task of finding out "why" child is acting this way
3) BF needs to set up clear boundaries with SS. Bedtime, do not interrupt adults etc.
4) BF has to implement consequence for all of SS's poor actions. If he's not going to take part in protecting your family, you need to leave.