Is this normal??
Hi all.. I'm new here. I've been a stepmother for almost 2 years but we just became my stepdaughter's primary caregivers in March of this year- her mother basically gave us custody and just sees her on the weekends.
My issue is that I really can't stand my stepdaughter. She is a terrible brat, she acts like a baby (because she has a baby brother, I think), she refuses to leave her father alone for more than five minutes at a time. She is rough with my son (who is only 16 months old) and our pets. My husband does NOT discipline her at all. He stays home with the kids while I work as a teacher in a 2-year-old classroom at a child care center and lately he has been telling me how awful my stepdaughter (C) has been during the day. Yet when I discipline her, he gets mad at me and tells me I'm being childish.
I really don't know what to do. This kid is making my life hell. I just don't like her, as bad as that might be. Her mother used to do a decent job of keeping her in line but my hubby let her get away with everything when she was just visiting with us a few days a week. I told him that if he didn't start being more firm with her she would start to always be naughty, and I was right. Now she is just a terrible kid and my husband doesn't do anything about it.
I don't know what to do. My husband and I don't agree on parenting techniques it seems. Do you guys think counseling might help us? I don't know if he'd be willing to go... but I really am wishing we didn't have custody of C. I do act "nicer" to my son when he is rough because he is just a baby and doesn't truly understand. She will be 4 in a few months and knows that hitting, biting, pushing, etc HURTS and is not okay. My husband tells me I'm mean to her but not to our son. How can I make him understand that developmentally, our kids are at different stages and thus should be parented differently?
Thanks for any advice!
Unless you and your husband
Unless you and your husband get on the same page with parenting she will only get worse.
Get counseling, or whatever you have to do to agree on that.
Or, let her be a total brat and accept that it is his responsibility to parent his child, and let her run around like a wild child. You are not responsible for making sure she grows up well. Only step in if she is hurting you or your son.
Absolutely counseling will
Absolutely counseling will help. Within two months you should have a handle on the problems and solutions. How well the solutions work depend on how willing the participants are - you and he.
Go alone if he won't go and eventually you can pull him into after telling him what's going on. If nothing else he'll want to defend himself.
Definitely counseling. Your
Definitely counseling. Your DH is being a jerk by saying that you're harder on the 4 year old than the baby. Um, no s**t! It's a BABY! I agree with the OC above, after you go and bring back some lessons, he'll want to go to defend himself.
Unfortunately, you can't make
Unfortunately, you can't make him parent. You can either let him do it his way and don't get involved, or keep putting yourself in harms way and getting shit on.
He's a permissive parent. She's not yours. So just let him deal with her. When he wants to complain just say "uh-huh" and change the subject or leave the room. Don't have to be rude, just matter of fact.
Don't get involved. Let him parent her (or not).
As Chris Rock said "If you
As Chris Rock said "If you want to have good kids... you have to be willing to beat their asses!", "being nice" has never, in the history of parenting, produced a respectful well behaved child. Of course you don't HAVE to actually beat them in a literal sense but if you refuse to spank them etc then a very obvious and firm punishment, like a time out that is enforced EVERY time HAS to happen. Daddy obviously doesn't GET this and if he doesn't understand that a infant is different than a 4yr old child then he needs some parenting classes and you should absolutely push the counseling angle, if even for yourself.
Personally I would deal with anything relating to hurting the baby regardless of what Daddy wanted. If she slapped or hurt the baby, I would rap her knuckles with a wooden spoon or something and when daddy objected then I would point out that he better handle it then or I will. If Daddy doesn't get on the same page as you I really don't see this going well, it is either going to become a huge issue between you, or the baby is going to get hurt.