Now I'm wondering if DH just doesn't want to see what's going on. We had a discussion this mornings about not making and not allowing SGD to be the center of the universe and make decisions for us and I cited an example: My birthday was in May and I had said I wanted to try out a new restaurant near us. So why did we end up in the local steakhouse? Because SGD wanted to see the waitstaff sing happy birthday to me. DH said he gave final approval and I pointed out that it was her idea to begin with and he just agreed with it, and stupid me just went along. So it really was her decision and had nothing to do with what I wanted at all. His excuse was that it brought back memories of when he asked me to marry him (it was there) but I don't buy it because we went to the restaurant I wanted to go to for my birthday on our anniversary (and just the two of us!) So I've decided its time for me to grow a pair and we'll see how this weekend goes.

Well several months have passed and I no longer let things stew. And all it's done has gotten me labeled by them as OCD. Is it really OCD to expect SGD to pick up her room before she leaves on Monday mornings - I'm not just talking clothes, I'm talking candy stuck to the dressers, and dishes and cups with left over fast food drinks sitting in her room. Is it OCD to demand that she not use my razor and $25 a bottle moisture cream to shave her legs? Or that when her mother borrows our spare car that she not return it full of trash? Or that you take your trash with you when you get up and not leave it for me? Or that you put your stuff back in your room before you leave for the week? I worked damned hard to get this house and all the furniture before I got married and had all this stuff - Is it really OCD to ask that my stuff is not up for grabs without asking and that my stuff be respected? I have talked to DH about it and all I hear is "Chill Out" or I'll talk to them and nothing ever happens. I've addressed it with SGD and now I'm a bitch. Well yeah, I feel walked on. Can someone tell me if I'm truly being a bitch or my feelings are valid? I was brought up in a clean house and was taught to respect stuff, especially if its not yours. Am I crazy?

Suck on pillows? Oh God lol. Good to know I'm not crazy and oh yes, kids, including my own in their 20's, can be assholes. The problem is that DH and SGD think that I have the problem and have to change in order to keep the peace. And I totally disagree. Any advice?

Well it continues - DH got home tuesday (he's a part-time trucker so is gone one or two nights a week)and we had a pretty good discussion (meaning I didn't lose my temper). He feels his SD is slow and needs things physically shown to her. My question is why he didn't physically point it out to her when he picked up the car, knowing that its condition would upset me. I also found out that when we went away to visit a sick friend of his 2 weekends ago, and his SD and SGD stayed here to watch the dogs, that he specifically told his SD that she shouldn't have anyone over. And of course she did. Rather than reprimand her, he explained that if someone got hurt on our property, we would be responsible. Does that sound like an explanation you would give to someone who's slow?

And I told him that I have moved his SGD's stuff out of our bathroom into another one so she is not tempted to use my stuff anymore. Apparently now I'm selfish, even though he's talked to her twice about it, once just 3 weeks ago.

And he left this morning for a one night run and after telling me he loved me, he made the statement that maybe I'll be over my mean streak by the time he gets back. WTF - this tells me he's just not getting it or doesn't want to. Or my feelings are just not that important.

Here's the latest chapter. This weekend we were sitting in the hot tub when SGD decided she wanted to make a running jump into it. As my robe and slippers were next to the tub, I asked her to make sure they didn't get wet. The response I got from SGD was that I shouldn't put them there. Excuse me? I held it together and simply said Don't jump into the hot tub. Well, she got in and moved to the other side and wouldn't even look at me or talk to DH. When she got out, the went straight to her room and I made a remark to DH that she was sulking. His remark was that it was due to how I said it. Double Excuse me? I was thinking that I restrained myself by not yelling out And just who the f*ck do you think YOU are? I was pissed and didn't sleep all night - got up early the next day and explained to DH why I was pissed and he understood and we agreed that I would have a talk with SGD. He went to the store and I sat down on her bed and told her that what she said was extremely disrespectful and that if she wanted to continue to come to our home, she would have to be respectful of me, DH, our property and our home. Never raised my voice and think I got my point across even though her eyes never left her cell phone and she continued to scroll through facebook. Later they were working in the yard, and I asked to help and got sent to the store. When I came back, I asked what I could do and was told by DH that THEY made the decision that I could stain the wood lining the walkway. Again, excuse me but THEY made the decision? Brought that up to DH and he responded that it wasn't they but him and he wanted me to do it because I'm a better painter. I asked why he didn't just say that and his response was that he didn't think he had to. And this morning when he was downstairs waiting for her to get ready for school (she stays Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights and he takes her to school on Monday), he was banging around doing laundry and starting the dishwasher at 6 am when I don't have to get up until 7. I went downstairs and probably wasn't real nice about it but DH's response was that I make him feel like he doesn't do anything right, instead of just apologizing or saying something like he didn't realize he was so noisy.
Now, most of the time we get along pretty well, but all of this is really starting to get to me and I know I'm becoming really bitchy. Can someone please confirm that I have reason to be or am I just seeing and overthinking here?

HELP PLEASE! On my comment from yesterday - I woke up this morning and asked DH that instead of him just saying that me and his GD need to work it out, that he take some responsibility too since he essentially raised her and she is pretty much a mini-him when it comes to attitudes. He has always treated her as an equal and a best friend and that is part of the problem - basically saying that he created this monster and he needs to be part of the solution. Well, it just went downhill from there because of course it is my problem and not theirs because I don't love her enough. And that maybe he should move out. In my mind, a grandchild is just that - not an equal and certainly not a superior that runs the roost. He wants me to talk to her again and ask her flat out what her problem with me is and then work on it from there. That's fine, I can do that, but I think he needs to make adjustments too. Am I really off base here? Please help!