How is this a punishment again - LOL!
So the skids had their usual meltdown (seems to happen on an every other month basis - one of them is pissed). This time, BM emailed DH and said that that visitation was permanently on hold (ummm...you aren't the judge - we'll pick them up with our court order and the police if we choose to). Then she repeatedly calls DH (as usual) and we don't answer so she has SS12 call on speakerphone so she can listen. SS12 goes on and on about how he isn't comng to our house again and he wants his dad to divorce me. All this after the last weekend we had them, they all hugged me goodbye, we finished redecorating their bedrooms, had SD17's friend down, and they asked me to take them shopping. They immediately got in BM's car apparently after this weekend lovefest and started bitching.
DH has totally stood up for me - he pretty much went off on SS12 about how nice I have always been to all of them - there has never even been one incident where I lost my temper with any of them and believe me, with their behavior, thats saintly. I spend the entire weekend (or week around the holidays) cleaning up after them, buying their favorite foods, cooking. I have taken them on vacations, helped SD17 get into college and took her to visit the college (400 miles away). I have gone above and beyond. I told DH that I am done - I've heard things before through the grapevine, but I think this has been going on for a while. They come over here to be spoiled, sit around on my computers, go in my hot tub, have their friends over, while DH and I pick up and cook for them, and then go home to talk horribly about both of us to win points with BM. Apparently BM and the kids think they are punishing us horribly by not coming over. I told DH that this time, I am taking a 6 month break from ALL of them. NONE of them are coming over for 6 months, and I am turning their bedrooms back into guest rooms decorated in my style. If and when they ever do come over again, we will be meeting first to talk through all of this. DH is totally in agreement and will just drive to them to visit every other weekend for the day if thats what they want. I know that BM is just using this to make life hard and will probably guilt trip DH in less than a month that he isn't taking his kids for the weekend (never mind that she told us we couldn't), becuase she can't handle them full time and REALLY likes her drinking/screwing strange men time. I wanted to be sure that DH knows we aren't at their beck and call - they WILL NOT be over here for some time.
How much do you want to bet
How much do you want to bet that BM pressured SS to say those things during that phone call? I smell pas.
I think these kids are going to have to make some tough decisions in order to improve things with DH (and hopefully you at some point). They might have to decide to walk away from BM, and realize she's a nut. Maybe they've realized the latter already but just haven't admitted it to anyone else. Who wants to have to know that their mom is a nut?
The adage "time heals all wounds" comes to mind here. Hopefully, the next 6 months will give everyone involved some time and space to analyze things. Hopefully it'll also gently nudge the SKs to do some introspection, analysing of their past behaviors, encourage them to talk with adults about their problems and work through them constructively, and apologize to anyone whose feelings they've hurt (including you). Hopefully, this time apart from them will re-energize you and give you some much-needed breathing room from them.
I hope DH does continue to see them. While I don't think it should be at your house, it seems like his kids have their issues to work through, and they need their dad to help them. They may say they don't, but their actions say otherwise. Sometimes what we really need is what we tell ourselves we don't want.