I don't know who else to turn to, so I hope that some of you will understand how I feel.
When SO and I met SD now 7 played the role of his mini-wife , was manipulative and possessive of her dad.
It was extremely exhausting and I don't know how our rs would have survived it without So slowly changing things around and putting things into the right perspective.
So, those who see my posts here, maybe remember that things were fine, mostly only little problems came up that we talked through and changed.I really felt we are on top of it and really moved into the blending process smoothly.My resentments for SD were nearly gone , since SO made it clear that I am his partner and she is he child, plus also changed the way he spoke to her- especially avoiding to call her baby or babe all the time.He is still very loving and overcompensates with her, but his efforts helped me a lot to be more relaxed and tolerant, too.
Anyway, last week everything seemed to go downhills suddenly.SO and BM made the decision to start SD7 on week on and week off- SO had sold me the whole hing as a "trial" to start with, but last but least I felt they overran me since I thought that the old care plan was working really well for us here.
Anyhow, I didnt really ave any say at it seems and SO swore he would make it work for us/me.
YES, RIGHT.
It was only the first week and since I am working from home I had SD here with me and the other kids whilst SO having appointments or going to work.
First thing that went wrong- SD7 has several babysitters in BMs family - one of her grandparents did even offer to take her for one day.SO did not even bother about getting back to them and even called another of her "babysitters" to say we don't need her this week.Thanks SO for the stress relief!!!!!!!
Second thin went wrong- since month I am begging SO to organise some playdates for her , so she is not so adult reliant!!I dont have any contacts for her, so I bought some invitations and craft stuff in order for her to take it to school to invite some friends over for Easter craft.He never bothered about handing it out.So , when my son 8 had a little boy over for a play , SD pouted, complained and gave them a hard time following them around.Of course that made SO feel guilty and she got coddled.
Third thing went wrong- I had several health issues this week and also worked a lot from home, next to the holidays and having to look after the kids and hell of a house work.So I ended up having to take sd and BS to a doctors appointment, where they had to wait a while.SD pouted of course, so I treated them for Sushi in a restaurant.After that she complained she didnt wanted me to pick up my other son 12 from the movies since that would be a "day in the car" for her.Stupid princess.
At home SP7 interrupted every adult conversation that I tried to have with a friend who came by - even she wondered why she is not knowing that this is wrong by now.
Fourth thing went wrong- SO went back into all his old habits and overcoddled SD7 , called her his baby allover again and allowed her to hang all over him, like in their good old days.
By Saturday I was so annoyed about what I saw plus when I took all the children bowling she was glued to him all of the time!!! whinging that one of her bowling balls missed so SO ran to bring her one of those toddlers ladders to make her win.(At least he told her that it was not a real win after she tried to show off.)
Fifth thing went wrong- I found myself the first time being quite short and almost a bit unfriendly to SD.It was just too much, the whole week of being with her, trying to cope with everything else and a sheepish SO who fell back into being daughters slave.
sixth problem- sd wanted to go to a playground so I convinced the boys to go there, too, who were not keen.She came out again straight after a few minutes , glued herself on SO and asked what we would do next.So I told her that she was the one who wanted to go there at first.THEN SO TOLD ME OFF IN FRONT OF THE GRINNING CHILD THAT SHE WAS "ONLY ASKING".I was speechless and so hurt.After all these moth we tried to back each other up and stand up for each other.That was not necessary.He could have told me later, not in front of her.
Seventh problem-when we came finally home, I was really pissed off and SO knew, so instead of talking to me he felt the need to sit down with the spoiled child who had all entertainment you can ask for in the morning and play boardgames with her.
eighth problem- I exploded.When we finally talked I was overboiling and so stressed and hurt that I coulnd't hold it back any longer and told him exactly how I felt. So on top of them being stupid and hurtful all day I actually was not bringing it up in a calm and mature way I wanted to.I was JUST SO FRUSTRATED with all of it.
So we ended up talking- he came up that he also has similar problems with my son - he always does that btw.I think it is because he can't accept that his daughter has potential to cause anyone grief, so therefore it has at least to be another child who does the same.Whatever.
We talked about everything and calmed down a bit.He also finally said he wold agree to see a councellor, which I think is great.He also said that there is no way we let this harming our rs.And that we will work on it together.And how much he loves me.
The talk was very good and our Sunday was much better then.
Guys, I feel so drained from it and I still feel angry about the way he let me down in front of her.
How can I get my emotions to follow my heart and be more forgiving and patient????????????The whole s.....t 7 days on and off really got me to start with.
God help me if I have to deal with those issues every other week suddenly??
He was sooooo wonderful in the last few month, I can't stop crying when I think about how bad the end of the week was even though we talked and sunday was ok.