What to do about BM
I have a SS that is wonderful. Lately my DH and I have asked for more time with him. My DH felt since he was not working this summer they could do a week on and a week off. BM said no way basically that it was too hard for him. My DH went to her and asked her to sit with someone (a lawyer a friend someone) that would help come up with a fair schedule. She turned around and said, "I don't like sending him down that way because he doesn't get a bath". She is partially correct. When we have him only one night he does not usually get one. He swims quite a bit though. He is 7 years old and will survive a night or two with out one. We do give baths though. She didn't agree to talk to anyone. We go away every Christmas and were told last year he could not go with us because he didn't want to. When we asked him he said yes then all of a sudden said no. He told us recently he doesn't want to go because mommy said she cries whenever he is with daddy and it is too hard on her. That issue has yet to be addressed because my DH won't bring it up to her. Yesterday we went to pick him up from football practice only to discover it got out early. We went right to BM's house and they were just getting out of the car. My SS came out of the FRONT seat and later admitted he doesn't always use a booster seat in the back and is allowed up front. The NYS law says up to 8 in a booster seat. My DH doesn't know if he will address this because she will bring up everything we do wrong - like no baths.
Help. How can I get my DH to speak up and tell her off. They have joint custody with her as the primary residence. The court papers say custody times should be dealt with amongst the parties.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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Comments
I just wish he would say
I just wish he would say something. He can to me that is for sure. He is a good man and he rarely raises his voice but he is convinced if he says something she will retaliate. I am not sure what she has over him. They were never married and "dated" briefly.
She has his son over him. I
She has his son over him. I really do believe some people avoid conflict because they think it will make it worse for the kids. Some also avoid conflict because they think it's a no-win situation.
No matter how you twist it, there's a no way bath frequency can compare with small children riding in the front seat. I think your DH needs to step up his game as far as the things he does "wrong" so that she has nothing to say about his parenting...that way he can actually address the real issues with confidence.
Our lawyer wants 5000 dollars
Our lawyer wants 5000 dollars for a retainer and with DH not working right now (just retired from 22 years of active military duty) money is tight. We were hoping to get a mediator just to set up a schedule. Also someone to talk to SS about what mommy says. Telling your child you can't stand to be with out them and you cry all the time they are at the other parent's house doesn't seem fair to me.
Karli - The BM runs a daycare
Karli - The BM runs a daycare out of her home. That is a whole other story about that and the kids she "cares" for. So that is why she says she wants him home with her. He has told us he has to help with the kids. Not sure if that is true or not.
Spunkidoolittle - BM's computer broke and she has no email anymore. My DH did print all and was also told not to respond to negative mail. I will reiterate it though and suggest he try snail mail. I am new to this and really appreciate all the help I can get. We do know that in the state of NY PAS is NOT recognized in the courts. My DH did research it. I will look up the article though you said was on here because showing it to her may do something. She isn't new to this though she has an older son and seems to know the system. We supply health insurance. About 9 months ago it changed and she would have to choose a different doctor that was about another 2 miles down the road (and one we hoped would not have SS on 7 medications at the age of 7). She just got NY Medicaid to supplement the difference because she claimed a hardship on the distance she would have to go. Trust me she knows the system.