Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
I've reached a breaking point & not sure what do to. I'm hoping this discussion will provide some advice.
I've been with my partner for nearly 10 years. His sons are now 17 & 15. We just got back from a vac in CA checking out 2 colleges for the oldest. We rented a home from Airbnb & everything was great for the 1st day & a half. For the longest time, I haven't felt any "weirdness" from the boys, so when things started to go wrong, I was floored. My temperament went from 0-1000 in a matter of a week. By the end of the trip & wanted to pack my bags, take my dog & leave.
Both boys took jabs at me (like I was a teen pal or something), jabs turned into finger-pointing (I was always doing something wrong), finger-pointing turned into a derogatory use & disrespected tone when speaking my name. I was always the last through the door, excluded from discussions or activities (truth be known I wasn't all together unhappy getting some time to myself). My partner even made inappropriate comments & jokes about me in front of his boys. (Boy did I ream him a new asshole when we got home. He apologized, but I'm still confused about how to feel about him & I'm fighting the urge to hate his boys).
I'm so tired of trying & I just don't want to do it anymore. Is it possible to "un-love" the boys? Or perhaps the question is how do I protect my heart from getting stabbed again. I'm embarrassed to admit that it is possible for a teenage to hurt my feelings.
I'm going to check out some counseling opportunities available through my employer tomorrow. ~ Maybe I'm just not cut out for this & need to leave. What do you think? Thx for your time.
I understand your hurt from
I understand your hurt from the boys. Our maternal side can be deeply wounded. It happened to me with 3 adult Skids and it rears its ugly head every so often. It is a difficult and lonely place to be in. I went to therapy and still do and it helps alot. Disengage from them totally and work on your relationship. Happiness is the best revenge.
I agree with Sally for the
I agree with Sally for the most part here. It's time to disengage and time to cut off your share of the finances.
Your husband should have nipped this in the bud right away and not joined in.
It's totally disrespectful
I wouldn't be inclined to let it go at all for some time. But everything else sally said is bang on. No more help no more money ... And esp no money for college
With confirmation I totally
With confirmation I totally agree with Sally
Just because you love someone
Just because you love someone does not mean you have to like them or repsect them.
This is a message that we had to help my SS work through in his feelings and dealings with his SpermClan. Now after more than 21 years of our blended family adventure he has zero use or tolerance for them though he has figured out how to love them as his family though he has no respect for them.
Time to jerk a knot if three male tails and give them clarity that never again will any of them treat you in anyway other than with respect.
As others have said... give your SO the message that he is on thin ice, zero tolerance, double secret probabion and if he so much as twitches improperly in his dealings and life with you that he and his toxic spawn will be an instant write off.
I agree with the group. To
I agree with the group. To add, I don't know what kind of inappropriate comments your SO made to you, but mine used to say things to me often in front of the kids. It's the Steve Carrell from The Office kind of humor (like, "that's what she said" but way more vulgar). It always bothered me, but when the kids were too young to understand, I ignored it. Then, they got older and he continued even though I made it clear that I was very uncomfortable. After a long time of this, he finally stopped and that was because we went to couples counseling and I mentioned it. The therapist (a male) was visibly appalled when I brought up the things he would say. I think this was the only way to get him to stop - someone else shaming him. I'm still angry that DH used to ignore my requests to stop. I hope your SO got the message and won't do that again to you.
I am really sorry! That your
I am really sorry! That your SO joined in on the behavior is utterly wrong. Did the behavior stop when you returned home? Are the boys being nice to you again? I do not wish to justify the behavior because it is wrong, but could some of it be the result of them all just trying to be frat boy teenagers? Maybe that was one trip that should have been just the guys. If it was an isolated thing, talk to them about how it hurt you, but if it continues, then yes steps need to be taken to get to the bottom of it, and if it cannot be solved, perhaps going is better. My friend has two teenager boys, and I have seen them with their dad gang up on their mom, and depending upon her mood sometimes she laughs or shrugs it off, but other times she tells them to knock it off, and they see that things wen too far, and apologize. I hope things work out for you!!!