Should he do the "dad" part ?
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My fiance' is going to be a stepdad to my two sons 3 and 6 (he has a 7 yr old bs) should I expect him to take the kids for me when I work etc? is it normal for him not to bond with my kids . dread and hate them? they are normal kids. funny, smart, silly, bratty, loving boys.
I couldn't find daycare for a saturday (I had to work and biodad couldn't take them) so I resorted to asking my fiance' (a last resort usually) he pretended to sob about it, told me he didn't want to be "tied down on a saturday "to this house" and put them on his mother something I didn't want to do, she is fine with it and the boys love her but its not her responsibility...shouldn't my fiance' step into this role and offer to take the kids for on lousy saturday?
My question would be, would
My question would be, would he expect you to watch his kid and be at his beck and call? If that is the case then he should do the same for you, if not then maybe he just thinks you should both take care of your kids yourselves. But I would think long and hard if you want to be with someone long term who you can't count on even in a pinch to watch your kids and if your kids maybe derserve someone who will love and accept them.
My fiance looked at me on
My fiance looked at me on Sunday and said that he didn't know how to handle the whole mothers' day thing. He has primary custody of his son, and BM is doing more now that she knows I'm around. I told him he could just say "Thank you" because that's all I needed. I do a lot to help with his son. I make sure he eats right, I teach him about food choices, I teach hm about the consequences of his actions. I pick him up from school WHEN I WANT TO. He's not my kid. I love him, but he's not mine and he has a mom. I'm more willing to do these things because it is not an expectation and what I do is appreciated and recognized as not my responsibility. If you keep the expectation to a minimum, you might find that he may be willing to do more. If you heap the expectation on, you might find some resentment brewing. I've had relationships go both ways. Yes, we know our SO comes with a kid, but that does not automatically mean that the kid(s) become our responsibility. They have two parents.
I think that honestly, your
I think that honestly, your child has a mom and dad to take care of him...this means that under normal circumstances, you should deal with each other for these issues...now if it's an emergency and he says no, then that to me is a problem...I mean, if my neighbor asked me in an emergency to keep her kid, I would...but if she asked me so she could work every weekend, then no...and I know you feel he will be your husband, but being your husband is really just that...he probably sees them as nephews or similar and I doubt you would be sitting at home every saturday to babysit your nephews so that mom could work, when you could possibly do something for yourself...
I know many people with kids remarry and expect their new spouse to basically not just be a spouse, but a parent to the kids...sadly, it's usually only when convenient...not for discipline or making decisions...so I would thread lightly or really discuss BEFORE you get married...good luck!
Thanks for all the advise! I
Thanks for all the advise! I do not usually ask him to watch them and it was a uncommon thing that thier bio dad couldn't take them. usually on my day off I take the boys and on his day off he takes them so we both work the opposites. it is the norm for biodad to take them on weekends that I work. He could not this weekend which is not the norm so I literally said PULEEZZZ for me do this? He said he didn't want to be "tied to the house" I understand that but its one lousy Saturday!
am I being unreasonable? I think my finace's mother is going to take them which she is fine with and I love her but I felt I should be "leaning" on my fiance' for something like this?
This is tough, he doesn't
This is tough, he doesn't want to do it. Its not his responsibility. I'm on the opposite side of you. If SO asks me to watch skids and I say no, I want it respected.