Sds broken leg - disengagement down the drain.....
Alright, this is going to sound downright callous, because it is.
SD12 broke her leg while at her GrandParents for School Holidays. It is quite serious as it needs a plate to be inserted in the morning. When DH was on the phone to his father, I instantly became enraged that I was now going to have to deal with this cripple when she arrives back home in less than a week.
We have a 2 storey house, which of course sees her bedroom upstairs, her and her sisters usually walk to high school and her shower habits are less than clean at the best of times.
I am distraught and sucked dry, I just can not deal with this. I have all but totally disengaged and now I am getting pulled back in again because of course DH will be at work and I will be left holding the ball. The feeling of dread and melancholy that I usual experience a couple of days before they arrive back home has now hit earlier and doubley worse.
I don't even know why I am writing this...???
Check with SD's insurance
Check with SD's insurance company about in-home physical/occupational therapy. They should be coming out x amount of days a week working with SD to have the ability to do some things for herself and also build back her leg strength. Anything from getting around on her leg to helping her shower or total sponge bathing to showing her how to dress herself .
You might also check with the school about having their handicap bus pick-up and drop off SD on school days. As to her bedroom, that may or may not work with it upstairs, but your DH can set her up with a bed on the ground floor.
She won't be able to climb
She won't be able to climb stairs at all with a fracture like that. Get DH to relocate her sleeping area and to either contact other parents locally or find an alternative mean of transport. She can do her own personal care at that age.
She has sisters who can help
She has sisters who can help her. Even if you were best friends she would probably feel awkward. So assume her 'loving' sisters will step up.
At the end of the day, a lot
At the end of the day, a lot depends on WHERE the leg is brokem. Some breaks (especially above the knee) require a stabilizing cast involving the other leg, and walking - let alone navigating stairs - is impossible. It's not the kid's fault, unless she deliberately broke her leg in such a way as to require significant help (and how likely is *that*), so being furious about it/with her is silly and immature.
Thanks everyone, I know you
Thanks everyone, I know you all mean well and as I said in the first post, I don't know why I am writing this.....I'm now becoming panic ridden....
Yes, I too had a broken leg in this house, with a 2 year old and 3 step daughters and a house to run. I had to have plates and screws put in. And I got up and down the stairs. Mind and SD leg, broken in bottom half.
But we are talking about a very babied SD12 who older sisters STILL answer for her when someone speaks to her! I have had scathing letters from her school telling me I obviously don't spend enough time with her as if I did I would notice that she is deaf and has eyesight problems....fast forward to the tests results both well in normal range and no apology from teacher. This is the type of child she is...she didn't like the teacher so she ignored him and didn't do her work.
I can not see how I can stay disengaged when OH will not be home most of the time...I will have to drive her to school, I will have to do her chores, I will have to put up with her.
You only HAVE to do what you
You only HAVE to do what you CHOOSE to do.
You could always rent her
You could always rent her (insurance will also help provide with a dr prescription)a transport chair and let her wheel herself around. Her leg is out of commission, not her arms. You might also be surprised as to how much a chaired person can accomplish...while it may not be her usual assigned chores, she can perform others.
OMG I am shaking here....I
OMG I am shaking here....I have had the ugliest fight with DH...
His Mother, GrandMother who was keeping an eye on children and therefore the GrandMother of SD12 who broke her leg....has said she would take SD12 back with her when she gets out of hospital.
DH comes home and says what do you want to do? I am like, are you seriously putting this on me? He says, well, I want my daughter at home, I don't want to abandon her...I say, and what exactly are you going to do for this child while she is here? You will be at work.
DH just doesn't want to abandon her...if you knew the history of this DH you would know how laughable this statement was.
I said again, why the eff are you putting this on me and he says...BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE COME TO YOUR SENSES AND SEEN HOW NASTY YOU WERE!
I swear I wanted to punch him fair in the face!! I think steam was coming out my ears!! I said to him, let me get this right, I am a shit step mother, but now it suits you I am suitable to run around after a cripple? Let her stay with the person who caused the accident!! and he is like...right you can tell your son to get the hell out.
Why do dads assume that we
Why do dads assume that we will re-engage skids just because they need care for something other than normal or because they are in a "really tough place at the minute"...
If OH doesnt want to "abandon" his daughter, why has he not booked time off work to help? Surely that would be the better option? I dont see how, even if your relationship with SD was ok, that you could single handedly run a house, kids, school runs plus a child that needs extra care!?
DH is like a lot of dads
DH is like a lot of dads here, wants to be the good guy, looking like he gives a shit but doesn't want to actually do anything. It's all very well for him to say that he wants her home, he isn't going to hardly be here!!
I stopped driving these SDs to school because they started saying I was getting them to school late. Every single disengagement has come because of a false complaint. I am not their mother, they do not want me to be their mother. If I wasn't here, where would she go? To the GrandMothers like they were when I came along!
That's how I feel Sally, I
That's how I feel Sally, I don't understand why he is trying to bully me into feeling obligated to this Skid??
I do understand actually, he is a narcissist....
I like that and have been
I like that and have been trying to get back into that, I do work with and for Avon here in Australia. I have been offered a full time position wage paying position and it seems now might be the time to accept.
I said it in your other post,
I said it in your other post, but you need to get a job! (I don't mean that in the nasty "you're not productive" way either.) It's a built in excuse for why you can't be the full time babysitter. It gets your financial independence. And MOST importantly, it gives you MENTAL independence. Just knowing you can take care of yourself makes it MUCH harder for anyone else (like your husband) to push you around or give you ultimatums like that.
Thanks Everyone I am not
Thanks Everyone
I am not dealing with this, they have have the offer of full time one on one care from the GrandMother and I think for mine and her sake it is the better option. There is nothing stopping him going down on weekends and visiting her and taking the sisters.
Well....after OHs massive
Well....after OHs massive tantrum last night...the hospital has recommended that she DOES go to the GrandParents for one on one care because;
1) She will get 1 on 1 help with EVERYTHING
2) Because for at least the next 2 weeks she is in a FULL leg cast and can not use crutches or go upstairs.