signs on sociopathy is SD
Deceitfulness - ALL the time, even over the most TRIVIAL things
Theft - from the school, from BM , and from her brother when he was just 6yo, it was his birthday money
Abusive and/ or harmful aggression towards animals and/ or people - she's SHOVED people, she JABS her finger into your sides "to pay you back" for playfully poking her
Destruction of property - yes, maliciously
Serious violation of rules - stealing counts right?
Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others - yes, She is HATEFUL to people, tells my daughter she doesn't belong, that DH isn't really her dad, LIES just to get people in trouble
Arrogance - ALWAYS thinks she's more important than everyone else
Impulsive - yea, she'll leave at the drop of a dime
Hostile - her hostility turns the whole house hostile
Dysphoria (generalized dissatisfaction with life) - she HATES her school, she HATES her teachers (every year)
Using charm to manipulate - she has no charm, but she attempts to manipulate EVERYONE, very succesfully manipulates my husband
Feeling unable to tolerate boredom - she is ALWAYS starting drama or talking about drama, I think she fantasizes about life being like a TV drama series
Lack of empathy and conscience - 100% she NEVER feels sorry for ANYTHING she's done. she NEVER apologizes for turning the whole house upside down emotionally. She NEVER feels empathy. I think about it, and sometimes I fear if she would decide to kill me because I "got in the way of what she wants"
Depressed moods - I doubt it, unless it's "it's not fair" she doesn't feel it.
Engaging in unnecessary risk-taking, dangerous behaviors without regard for the safety of oneself or others - no, I don't think so. if she gained courage, maybe.
This jumped out at me: she
This jumped out at me: she JABS her finger into your sides "to pay you back" for playfully poking her. Stop playfully poking her. She doesn't find it playful. Many people don't. I don't. And while I never jabbed my finger into someone's side, I have wanted to.
Interesting.
One element of a half a dozen or more sociopathic behaviors stood out to you? Of all that, a playful poke justifies her behavior? Even for just that issue, it does not IMHO.
That was the least noticeable of the issues for me.
If I poked someone in a gentle playful way, and they caused me pain it would be game on. I would likely not do it again but they for damned sure would not be able to. And I am ticklish to the point that it is torture to me. I understand how playful physical contact can be unpleasant. The same for my SKid. We stopped tickling him when we realized that it was torture for him. As he got older he would thrash around so violently that people tickling him would get hurt. We tease him about it but we do not tickle him and haven't since before he was a teen.
Every one of those behaviors would be met with immediate misery inducing consequence if this was my Skid. None of these behaviors would I even seek to understand or justify.
Just my thoughts of course.
Thanks, yea, I have only done
Thanks, yea, I have only done this 2x in the 11 years of being in her life... the 2 times I thought we were having a bonding moment and things were going good, i laughed and playfully poked her SOFTLY, she literally handed me a hard a she could (you could tell from the face she made). It literally ruined the whole "i thought things were going good" vibe. Life with her is hard. At this point i just keep telling myself "I've only got 2 years left with this".
To answer your question below. DH used to be a real hard @$$ about her behavior. But he also expected me to parent sd, which WAS NEVER good. She resented me, and i couldn't understand why she was SO awful, literally this child was behaviorally stunted. Like when i met her when she was 5, she reminded me of a 3yo, when she was 10, she behaved like a 5yo, now she's 16, literally acts like a 10yo. She cries at the drop of a hat (because when she does that at her moms house she caters to it). She changes. Behavior like this literally makes me sick to my stomach. I began to resent my SD as much as she resented me. And when i stepped back, 75% of the stress lifted, and i no longer cared how she turned out. But now she's involving everyone in her schemes, she's trying to turn everyone against each other in my home, and she tries to make BM believe everyone is against her at my house.
With only two years left.....
It is time to start contemplating discussing forced emancipation with your DH. This kind of undermining of the family relationships, etc... are grounds for forced emancipation depending on where you live.
A good friend of mine forcibly emancipated his middle of three daughters from his first marriage. She refused to abide by the rules of the household, the school, etc... She is a wicked smart woman and though forcibly emancipated at 16/17 she graduated a year early from high school with honors, completed her BS in 4 years on scholarship, and they (she and her dad) have maintained a very close relationship as have all three of the girls, their younger half brother, and their former SM.
He had full physical and legal custody of his girls when his XW had an affair when they were very young then ran off and joined the Navy with her cheat buddy abandoning the girls. He did not have any issues forcibly emancipating daughter #2 since his X had no parental rights.
SD22 Feral Forger
This describes her PERFECTLY
My SD is every one of these.
My SD is every one of these. She even hurts animals if she thinks they are getting more attention than her. She is also incredibly charming. One of the ways this benefits her is so when she treats someone horribly all the others take her side.
That sounds really hard
That sounds really hard someoneels and I feel for you. My SD16 is possibly on the pychopathy scale, although she is no where near as awful as yours sounds. In fact, she's not nasty or rude but she has no empathy or ability to feel things deeply (all her connections with people are shallow), has no respect for other people or their property and lies prolifically. In short, I find her quite unlikable but on a day to day we can get along fine.
What makes it ok for me is that DH sees all his daugther's faults and does not make any excuses or allowances for her behaviour. We parent as a team and are open and honest with SD16 about the things that dissapoint us. As a result, SD prefers BM who tells her what she wants to hear and is so stupid and gullible she believes all of SD lies (which for the record are pretty obvious, ie SD is not a good liar).
The point I'm making is what is the situation with your DH? If he isn't trying to tackle this behaviour and make sure his daughter knows its unacceptable then the real problem you have is him.