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Present ideas for ungrateful skids

BadNanny's picture

SD11 texts BM:
"I'm upset (fake balling pix) bc I got iPhone 4, when I wanted a 5c blue
(BM): well, at least she (as in Me) didn't get you anything really stupid"
(SD): but I wantedddd a 5s!!!
(BM): you know by now She never gets anything you want. I'm sorry...

BM never ever spends a dime on her kids-but her fridge is full of booze, pot and pills. Anytime skids ask her for money, she sends them to ask me. Soooo... Since SD got her phone taken away for sending nude videos to boys, what should I get her for Christmas? (I'm also very curious what her BM gets her, and I wish I was as juvenile as to say: Awww, no iPhone5??? You should know she never gets you what you want...

Igiveupsotornupinside's picture

Wasn't this the kid who also was talking about suicide? Now she is sending nude photos when she has a past of being molested? She needs help. Plus if you know that there are drugs at her Moms house then why isn't your DH doing anything about it? It could warrant full custody. I don't know what you should get her but if she is that messed up at age 11, the kid needs help. She really does. My daughter is 3 years younger then her and is no where near how this girl acts. Plus I have two SDs that I helped raise and at age 11 neither of them was sending nude photos or claiming they want to commit suicide..my point is she is still just a kid. Maybe she is not mature enough for a cell phone. We didn't let the girls get a cell phone until they were 14. Personally I still think that is too young too UNLESS they are working or in sports or there is a logical need for a cell phone. Just my opinion.

BadNanny's picture

She is NOT mature for anything! She is like 4 in an 11 going in 15 yo body! I told DH that if her mom gets her a phone, she cannot use it here. I want to get her some cash ( since I "never get her what she wants")- mind you, those are her mother 's words!- but I think I'm gonna giver her $50 cash and a series of gift slips for therapy sessions. I bought her a pair of Uggs, but since they probably are NOT what she wants, I'll wear them. Problem is, she has been raised to have unreasonable expectations and if she doesn't get them, she threatens suicide... God, at least first BM is half normal!

Anon2009's picture

"BM never ever spends a dime on her kids-but her fridge is full of booze, pot and pills."

Then the best gift you could give this kid is a phone call to CPS, reporting her bm. Forget about cash and therapy slips. The best gift she could get is for someone to notify the proper authorities about what's going on in that house. Maybe once the authorities are involved, both bm and sd will be able to get the therapy they need so badly.

BadNanny's picture

CPS will knock at the door and find nothing, because well they just open the door, make a few notes, punch the clock and go back to their desk job. She supposedly takes pills for migraines- a hangover doesn't count as a migraine...And she knows that DH can take the girls away, so really pissed that he doesn't...

Igiveupsotornupinside's picture

CPS does a lot more then that...I know...I have a degree in social work and have worked with CPS. You need to contact the police first and then CPS will get involved if you say where the stash is for the drugs. Also make no mention to them that you are doing this so they don't go and hide their shit. Trust me, this kid needs help and not to put it on you because obviously it should be DH that does this but this child needs help if this is going on (referring to your 911 post with this one). To stand by and not call the proper authorities is stooping to their level of not helping. Right now this kid is just a kid and someone needs to do something about her rather then just complain about her. Sorry if I sound harsh but it kills me to know that a child out there is not being taken care of when it comes to the abuse and the nudity of pictures on the phone..etc. She is still a baby at that age. I don't mean to sound mean but I just want you to get my true opinion. Help her please. No one else is doing it so you should. Its a child.

BadNanny's picture

Now that's a thought! I think she might have gotten her license by now, so she's legal. She mixes pot with narcotics and the kids are neglected, but when you break it down, legally she's covered. But then again, I was told- no, ordered, to stay out of it. So, basically their custody goes like this: nobody wants the children, so they share the unwanted-time... It makes me nauseous and if I dare say anything, somehow I will be the liar and the bad guy. I go to bed praying that I see them again every week... And no, I'm not complaining about her, but about her learned behavior. She is a child, a lost neglected unwanted innocent child...

Igiveupsotornupinside's picture

If neither of her parents truly want her, there are plenty of well trained treatment foster homes that she would thrive in and be much loved. I just wish someone would help her. I hate seeing kids go through this kind of a mess. Its sad.

BadNanny's picture

My ex did some stupid things for a while, and every time, I called CPS. CPS investigated all of us- both houses AND the stepkids in school. They went home freaking out and balling, BM called my husband and freaked out crying that she is gonna lose the girls, DH was furious with me (he never mistreated me, but kinda sided with BM that "they do not want authorities involved"-EVER!). My position: If you are not doing anything wrong, who cares? They can investigate me 24-7 and find nothing, so who cares? So, you wonder WHY a demented "mother" that dumped two of her 4 kids with their dads and left for the next loser???? Anyone care to guess for a special kudos?

Igiveupsotornupinside's picture

Your not getting my point...YOU MAKE THE CALL! Who cares if CPS finds anything, if your not doing anything wrong you have nothing to worry about!

BadNanny's picture

I am getting your point, but there is stuff you guys don't know- they are completely covered- she "knows" cops (if you know what I mean), and he is the wealthiest little rich boy in the area. I will look like a fool. They will find nothing. This is an area where people booted out an entire chief of police, everyone knows everyone and they keep their vices on the down low. My Gosh, this chick has been driving drunk and buzzed for years, i see her weaving in and out, i talked to her once when they came back from Court and she was buzzed as heck and driving-nothing. Even the kids think she is a waste of space, but they are scared to death to say anything because she has now lured them into thinking that they will move into "the mansions" once she marries this rich boy half her age. It is an impossible struggle. Kinda sorry to waste your time, I guess I am just venting, since my hands and mouth are tied. Even the BM#1 who is a teacher at the skid's school knows all this-do you not think that she could have done more? All I know is that BM#1 never allowed SS to ever come to the dad's house when he was still married to BM#2 for these reasons. They basically have each other by the nuts and it must be pretty bad, since they opted out of FOC during the divorce! There must be stuff that even I am not aware of...But CPS around here is swamped, we live next door to a very poor socioeconomic area and CPS is short-staffed. I am praying that BM gets into it with the girls again, and drops them off at our door pretty much naked- for months-like last time...

Anon2009's picture

Alright, then notify the federal government. Someone has to stand up for this kid.

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/focus-areas/child-abuse-neglect
https://www.childwelfare.gov
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/cpswork.cfm
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanual.cfm
https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/sgm/
http://www.childhelp.org (I know this is for abuse but if you call them and tell them what's going on, they're likely mandated to refer it to the proper people/agency).
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/tollfree.cfm (national child neglect hotline numbers).

BadNanny's picture

And then DH divorces me, and then we ALL suffer and Skids now don't even have half a guardian in their lives. It is a horrible situation. I might bait her with her phone back but at OUR house ONLY and based on close supervision and great behavior, Honor Roll, sports and chores and therapy (for right now, she needs space form the social scene in cyber space, though, for her safety). Like I said- the gravity to potential super wealth at the other house is huge though. I am convinced the guy will not marry BM, he is just using her (kind of a socio, can't get any "normal" 20 year old his age to sleep with him, abandonment issues, mother issues, stepfather issues, i know his background), but he is luring them all with "future wealth" and they follow him like moths to a flame.

Anon2009's picture

It won't get any worse. It can't. If anything, a judge and lawyers will get involved and see what's going on.

BadNanny's picture

The only evidence I have is reports from the kids- who have been scared by their parents to lie to the authorities- BM cried and lied to them "if you tell them what I do, they'll take you away from me forever", so the girls lie to cover for her. Short of a drug raid, I have no evidence, even DH covers it up for her. And cops around here have bigger problems than pot and narcotic pills! I am check-mated.

Anon2009's picture

You can still call the federal authorities and should. You're not check-mated. You've tried the state level. They're corrupt. They failed. Now you need to go to the federal level and check out the links (all of them) I've provided.

And your getting divorced from DH will allow judges and lawyers to have a look at this situation and get those kids out of there.

If your DH is covering for BM he is just as bad as she is. And if you don't at least do something, so are you.

BadNanny's picture

Yeah, but we are MARRIED. And, so far, just her threatening to kill herself is not a reason to involve the Feds. They will all laugh me in the face. I know how the Courts think. Until something actually HAPPENS to the kid, NOBODY will change custody. Not CPS, not FOC, not the Feds. I appreciate the input and concern, I really DO!!! Not sure I have substantial evidence to take in front of the Judge.

Anon2009's picture

"If all you're going to do is make excuses/give up/turn the other cheek, you're not any better than the other adults in her life. I don't care who BM knows and who has said no, SOMEONE will say yes and make something happen. Shame on your DH for covering up the neglect and the abuse!! Why would you even entertain that?! The man who lays next to you at night allows his own children to be abused."

^^^THIS^^^

Badnanny, there are many, many channels out there for you to utilize. There are those that we've provided links for, and there are teachers, coaches, friends parents, etc.

There's the governor's office. If your local CPS/authorities aren't doing anything, you need to notify the governor's office. There are also tv shows. Steve Wilkos takes child abuse and neglect seriously. You should look at some of his episodes on YouTube and his website. He's a former Chicago cop. He does not take kindly to child neglectors/abusers. Especially if they're the parents of the child in question. I don't think he'd get mad at you. If anything, he'd thank you for standing up for these kids. If you don't utilize all the channels you can, you're just as bad as the people who harmed your SD. Your husband- the words I could use to describe him aren't in Webster's dictionary. Neither he nor BM should be called "mom" and "dad." Real moms and dads don't do what they do.

Please, please, please check this link out.

http://www.stevewilkos.com/steves_help

Igiveupsotornupinside's picture

I agree with Anon and Cookies! my question is why hasn't the sexual abuse in her life been brought to authorities yet? My issue with that is two things, what it has done to this child AND leaving the person to not get in trouble for his/her actions on abusing a child only leaves it open for other children to get abused. Sex offenders can not be changed especially ones that prey on little girls or boys.

BadNanny's picture

She hasn't abused or blatantly neglected them in the eyes of authorities-yet. She just picks them up and sits them in the couch, shuts her door and spends time with her BF. Not sure anyone would take custody for that. In my book, it's inappropriate and unfeeling, but nothing that gets CPS involved.

BadNanny's picture

Not sure CPS is corrupt, but they are overwhelmed in this area. Now, she mistreats them, but that's not hurting them- only making them feel they are just crotchdroppings as someone called it Sad