Newlywed dealing with blended family issues
I am a mom of two boys, ages 7 and 13, and a stepmom to two boys, ages 4 and 8. All four kids get along really well. We had 3 months of my ss age 4 being mean and abusive to my 7 year old. We finally got that worked out. Now its just his obnoxious, loud behavior. My children have always been pretty calmed and laid back, not really rowdy. They both have special needs and maybe that's why typical kids are such a shock to me. I am overly sensitive I guess to all the chaos. I try to let my husband deal with it. He does try to calm things down, but it does not last for very long.
Over the past few weeks he has had his children more due to holiday/vacation schedule changes. Up until now he's only had them every other weekend. Having four kids under one roof is very stressful. I feel like I have no time alone with my kids. I have joint custody so I see my children a lot more, but every weekend we have all of them I never see my kids. They all play together and get loud and rowdy. I don’t want to be a nervous wreck in my own home. How do you cope with four kids that close in age? Obviously it’s a sensitive subject to discuss with your spouse when it involves his children. It’s getting to the point I dread them coming because of the stress it puts me under. I need some help and guidance here please….
You are pretty lucky, your
You are pretty lucky, your husband you say does try to calm thibs down, and of course it doesn't last very long because kids don't have that long an attention span, they are just kids being kids and yes it is tiring. I just down tools when I have my three grandchildren in my home, 4, 2 and almost 2. They just seem to keep on running and running and squealing and squealing the only time it stops is for the Nana I want something to eat sentence to come out, then when I am making them something they are off running and screaming............well to me it is running and screaming, to them it is FUN and they are having a wonderful time playing. That's a good thing.
Your husband has extra time with his kids now because of vacation schedule other than that he only gets them every other weekend. You on the other hand have your kids a lot more. So why are you worried that you don't get alone time with your kids when your husbands are over if the kids are all having fun together you should be happy to see all the kids having fun together and use that time to do your own stuff maybe getting some washing or ironing done or whatever you can do with the kids in the house. You have plenty of alone time with your kids when his are not there and if your kids wanted alone time with you, they'd be making sure they got it trust me. So let all the kids be happy and be grateful they are getting along. The noise factor is hard and tiring and can get you down if you let it. I would try to focus on the positives of this "The kids are getting along and you are not having to umpire fights 24/7" remind yourself it is not forever, stop worrying about getting "alone time" with your kids, because unfortunatley our kids don't always want "alone time" with us, but on the occassions they do want it, they will make sure they get it, kids are good that way, and they are very resilient. Looking forward this seems to you that it is going to go on forever, but one day you will look back and wonder where the years went. Remember when your 13 year old was a newborn, how fast have those 13 years gone, yet at the time of his birth I am sure you thought 13 was way too far ahead to even think about. Yesterday I had a baby girl, in 4 weeks she will turn 30. Enjoy the playing all too soon it will be over.
Quality time is not
Quality time is not necessarily time spent one to one or even face to face.
Your kids are home all week I presume which means the hours you spend with your children in the house exceeds the time you spend with his in the house. Overall things sounds pretty normal and frankly could be horribly worse. Read other peoples problems here.
You'll get used to the racket given time so count your blessings.