New to this
I had read a lot of posts and have very similar feelings. It is good to know I am not alone. I am at a loss. I am engaged to my best friend who has a 16 y/o son. We were together for 1 year prior to his son moving in with us full-time. I have no children. My BF and I live together (prior to his son being "dumped" on us) and his son comes to us apparently from a verbally and physically abusive mother (BF attempted previously for custody but was denied). BF son has been living with us for approx 1 1/2 years and is disrespectful, does drugs, does not follow rules, unremorseful, lazy, entitled, does not accept responsibility etc......you get the picture. I love my BF and we are engaged to be married, my BF and his son are living in my home (I own, no one else) and the son continues to get in trouble and not follow the rules (has been violent in the past to his mother and father). What are we to do, I can no longer tolerate his son and I wonder when his next burst will involve hurting me or destroying my home. My BF wants to do the right things for him and I respect this but feel taken advantage of. Friends and family are concerned for my health and safety. I feel that if I kick them out I am unsupportive of my BF and his friends and family think I am the wrong women for my BF bc I don't love his son. I have provided housing, food, clothing, prepare meals, everything material and also non-material, conversation, emotional support etc. The son's mother pays no child support and they do not see each other. The son continues to get into trouble, not small things.....drugs,stealing, lying etc.. He is getting therapy and there is a vast array of family that has steppped up to help him but he is defiant. What can I do to save my relationship with my BF but have his son live somewhere else? His mother will not accept him. I feel my only option to save my sanity and well being is to kick them both out. I am very confused and sad about all of it. Please let me know if I have any other options, I live in FL. Thank you
Presently he is at a youth
Presently he is at a youth shelter for his most recent issue but that will not be for any longer than 10 days. I am trying to help come up with alternatives but these counselors keep saying, "you are in crisis mode" as if the decision to place him somewhere else is irrational. I mean this isn't the first time there has been a problem.....I am trying to stand up for myself
This ^^^ He should not be
This ^^^
He should not be allowed to act like this at all. His behaviour is his responsibility. Your dh needs to sort this out as it is his son. I understand this is a hard situation but you need to take action. Please keep us updated
It truly is hard, thank you
It truly is hard, thank you for your support.
Thanks. That is kind of what
Thanks. That is kind of what we are leaning towards at this point. The situation is not healthy for any of us at this point.
I was like that at that age.
I was like that at that age. I’m 27 now. But starting around14 I did drugs and could care less about school. I hardly went. I maintained a job so I could afford to f around instead of go to school. He’s a teenage boy, not a lot you can do to reach him. There was no angle anyone could take to get me. So at 16 my parents (mom and stepdad who I lived with) said here are your choices. Focus on school and stop screwing around. Get your GED and start working full time or join the military. They said they were alright with the pot smoking (that’s the only drug they knew about) as long as I did it at home so I wouldn’t get caught with it. Only as long as I was focusing on school or working.
I choose GED and work. I was extremely smart. And was told by my teachers I was a waste and could be teaching their classes…. But I did it anyway. I “had a plan”… maybe he does too… I knew I didn’t want to go to college. I didn’t like school. I had a problem with authority. I was supposed to go to 4 months of GED classes. I took a pre-test and they said to just comeback 4 months later for the real test. I scored the highest in the history of that schools GED program. I then started working full time nights at the age of 17. THAT was what broke my wild spirit! A JOB. I couldn’t mess around because I wanted money. I could talk back to my parents and teachers but not my bosses. And 2 of them were ex-military drill sergeants. That job was the best thing for me.
Longer story short, now I am an architectural engineer. I never went to college for it. My good job history and intelligence got me here. Usually the “Bad apples” are the smart ones… Tell him he should get a job.
Thank you for your comment. I
Thank you for your comment. I am glad things have worked out well for you. I have suggested to my BF that he should encourage him to get his GED, I am not sure his son is motivated to do it, he is smart enough. Motivation is a huge issue, and so far nothing has worked to motivate him. In regards to work, he said if he lived with his mom that she would have gotten him a job already, nice, right. So I bought him some new pants/shirt and his father took him to places but so far no response, that was a week ago. Any other suggestions to motivate?
I would suggest that if your
I would suggest that if your boyfriend and his son are living in your home, your boyfriend needs to obtain full custody. Full custody will allow your boyfriend the right to get mental treatment and counseling that his son deserves. If he was placed at an inpatient treatment center for help, that may make a huge difference.