I am in desperate need of some advice or support!!! I have been married to my husband since 2007, I have 3 children, he has 4, and we have 6 (soon to be 7) grandchildren. My problem is his oldest daughter (21) and how he reacts, or should I say ignore all her problems. She is a full-blown alcoholic (so is her mother) and has been arrested numerous times for drinking related issues, including theft and DUI's. When she became pregnant we allowed her to move in (because baby daddy had to go to jail for a few years), with the one rule that there will be absolutely no drinking. During the pregnancy she did fine, shortly after the baby was born I started finding hidden beer cans. When I called her out on it she came up with wild stories, such as...she hid it because it belonged to a friend and she didn't want us to see it!!! (Her dad believed the story) After the 2nd time, I told her I would not put up with her lies and deceptions and if she messes up again she is gone. Didn't take long for another occurrence, she went out one evening because the other grandparents had the baby for a while, and of course she got hammered and did not show up on time to meet the other grandparents with her baby. She finally showed up at 4 am, drunk as a skunk, and I told her enough was enough and that she was to leave. She had been told no drinking while living with us and she continued to disrespect our home. After 2 weeks (deadline to move out), she had moved in with her brother and I took her house key (this angered her dad/my husband even though he claimed to support me in the non-drinking situation). After living with her brother for a few weeks, he kicked her out. She then moved in with another friend, and a couple months later, she kicked her out. In the mean time she received a sizable tax refund, enough to put a down payment on her own apartment and then some, but instead she chose to blow through the money on partying, lost her job, received her 2nd DUI and a child endangerment charge because she had her son in the backseat and no restraint.

So now to my dilemma, she was arrested and the baby came to live with us (baby is now 1 year old). She has been placed on 5 years probation, lost her license for 2 years, and for a while has to wear a monitoring device. While the baby was with us, she was not allowed to live with us (I was extremely happy about this), but CPS has returned the baby to her, even though she is unemployed and was living on someone's couch, with no means to support the child, they claimed that the case was not severe enough and that there are people out there in worse situations.

So now her and the baby are living in this person's house with no means of support and of course they are all now being evicted and my SD has burned up so many bridges that NO ONE is willing to take her in, not even her own drunk mother. So now my husband thinks we need to open our door again (oh and by the way she is pregnant again by another felon that cannot support his child), and support her. I totally disagree, I think that she needs to learn to stand on her own 2 feet and grow up and face her responsibilities. She walks around with an entitlement attitude, that everything needs to be done for her and she cannot be bothered if it requires effort.

I literally cannot stand my SD, every time I see her my blood boils as to what she has done. She cared so little about her son, or anyone else for that matter, all so she cared about was getting drunk. I keep asking that she gets help, but I keep getting told that she doesn't have a problem or that all is fixed now and she is working on making things better. Since she has been out of jail (2 months), she has done nothing to help herself or her son, She won't get a job because she is pregnant and has an excuse for everything. I really cannot take anymore and because of this, my marriage is really suffering!!!!

My husband refuses to see all the things that are wrong and prefers to keep his head in the sand. Every time I try to talk about it, he refuses to listen. I was actually told by my husband today that he does not want to hear how bad his child is, if he cannot see reality then we have some really serious issues. It has come down to, if she moves in, I move out!!! I hate to put my husband in this position (I do love him very much), but I am tired of every time she messes up, our lives are sent into turmoil.

Sorry this was long