You are here

Is my step son using his dad??

RNAC3330's picture

Submitted by RNAC3330 on Mon, 01/25/2016 - 11:52am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

Ok I'm new to this but have some issues that I need advice on bc idk if I'm the one that is in the wrong. I have been with my husband know 13yrs and married 6. He has a BS from previous marriage that is 15 soon to be16. We have a son and daughter together. I have been in his life for many years obviously and have had to deal with multiple issues with ex-wife with multiple trips to child support court having. Having my husband call her boyfriend to be able to talk to his son, her moving him without telling us and on and on. My husband has stayed quit about everything that happens even though there is a CO in place for visitation holidays etc. So on top of child support we also pay a phone bill for him w agreement that he calls/messages his dad frequently. The final state came when this year for Xmas he NEVER stays at our house on Xmas eve into xmas morning and this year have my husband a list of items he wanted for Xmas a week before so my husband went on a wild goose chase finding everything he wanted, which kind you are very expensive items. He left the day after Christmas and we have not seen him since including my husbands birthday and he did not call my husband until very late in the day of his birthday bc he spent all day w his SD. However when it was his SD birthday we had to take him home so he could go out to eat with his SD and then he came back over to our house later. He has only called my husband 3 times since Xmas and the last time he called was to make sure we were going to pay him cell bill. I get irate bc I feel he is using my husband and myself but my husband will say nothing to him.. Am I being childish or is he just using us??? Please help with advice...

RNAC3330's picture

Submitted by RNAC3330 on Mon, 01/25/2016 - 12:25pm

I guess it just seems as he will bend over backwards to make his step dad happy but only does the bare minimum for my husband.

LikeMinded's picture

Submitted by LikeMinded on Mon, 01/25/2016 - 4:17pm

Hi,

I agree with the others who said that the kid is a teenager, so he'sgoing to change. He's going to be less interested in parents. He's going to be more self-absorbed and greedy. He may even withdraw for a while. It's a tough time.

When I get really annoyed at my SKIDS behaviors, I try to remind myself that as a step-parent, it's ok for me to assist DH with his kids if I want to, but I can't lead. If your hubby is ok with this behavior, and it's not hurting your kids, then let it go.

The good news is, you only have a couple years left, and you WANT him to become independant. You don't want this kid to be a failure to launch and come live with dad, do you? So, it'sok to let go.

The other good news is that you have more energy to give your own kids.

There are some great articles about letting go a bit. Look up the disengaging essay.

Wifeypoo's picture

Submitted by Wifeypoo on Tue, 01/26/2016 - 12:11am

Could be that your SS's BM is actively promoting a closer relationship with his stepdad.....and in the meantime undermining the relationship with his dad. My DH's EX did that kind of stuff on purpose. She could care less what kind of relationship my SD had with her own father....however when she wanted money for something extra, (above and beyond CS) she ALWAYS reminded the kid to call and ask. That's all my DH was good for, his wallet.
I saw it for what it was, but never said much about it. I knew he loved his daughter and he wanted to make her happy.
Even though she's now married with her own kids, until recently, he still was just a wallet. Coincidentally, Wink I found steptalk about the same time he realized he didn't want to be a wallet anymore. Works for me!