my Husband hates my 10 year old son (ADHS)
hello everyone,
I need advice. my son and my husband (stepfather) had another confrontation this morning. my husband found a pepsi can in my sons room even thou he is not supposed to drink soda, taking any drinks in his room and the pepsi was actually hidden from him. my son took the pepsi without our knowledge and took it in his room.
my husband went off on him. I tried that the situation is not escalating. later on, my husband sent me a message...explaining me that he don't like my son. he only tolerates him because of me. he basically told me he won't put up with him anymore and he would not feel anything when my son would get hit by a car.
my husband is also upset with me. he says I do "nothing". I don't think this is true...I just try to choose my battles with my son and don't believe in hitting children. I am agree to take things away or putting him on house arrest.
I talked to my son today..he stated that he doesn't care. he don't care that daddy don't like him. my husband also says that my son has a bad personality ...like his biological father.
I don't know how to continue in this situation.
Sweetie, you need to take
Sweetie, you need to take care of your child. Your husband is a huge jerk. Call a lawyer ASAP and file for divorce.
Your husband is a jack arse.
Your husband is a jack arse. File for divorce. Or at the very least, send your son to live with his father. You chose your husband, your poor son didn't.
well, I can't send my son to
well, I can't send my son to his biological father because he physically abused my son when he went there for visitations. he lost custody and we now live in another country too. so this is no option. my son is on medication for ADHS and he is doing good in school. this was a big problem before too. so we got this under control but he still is VERY sneaky and lies a lot. he also has a violent behavior.
I am not sure what is a Disney mom? I do punish my son and I do stern talk, but he is pretty resist when it comes to punishments. we took toys away, his bike, tablets, canceled trips or put him on house arrest. he now just accept it and go with it. he simply don't care.
my husband let him do pity garden work and also let him do the neighbors garden work. is fine with me. this is something my son hates doing. I just don't want my husband to hit my son. this is a no go for me and it's against the law too.
well, these kind of punishments are not helping. my son keep doing wrong...EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! my husband can't take it anymore. that's when I got the message yesterday.
divorce is a bit over the top? we have a newborn together and otherwise he is a great husband and father to our other children. the other children would feel very bad when we would get a divorce.
I don't think we have a full
I don't think we have a full understanding of the situation.
There must be incidents that lead up to this.
I get really annoyed when my SD12 leaves food, dirty plates, glasses, empty cans of soda, etc. in her room. I DO get PO'd about it because it's a constant issue - she's "not allowed" to have food/drink other than water in her room but she violates the rule all the time because my DP does NOT enforce the rule himself. Thus I get PO'd at DP. It's probably not just one soda can, it's many instances over time and the flouting of a clear house rule that you don't think is fair but your DH does; you've got to work this out. If your son is not allowed then he's not allowed - YOU need to address it with your son effectively.
I think Sally has summarized it...there's more to the story...
@cover1w so how would YOU
@cover1w so how would YOU enforce this problem when the child does not react on punishments very well?
like I said..I am agree to address and to punish, but I wont get physical. what to do with a child who just behave a few hours and the next wrong action is in making? the problem is, I don't get mad easily. I don't get aggressive, is just not my nature. but my husband feels disrespected easily and he shows his anger very clearly. I think he expect me to show more anger?! I just don't get mad enough over a can in his room. I can't change my personality?!
SD12 doesn't react to
SD12 doesn't react to punishments well either. She either goes into full byotch mode or 3 year old tantrum.
I'm still dealing with this.
As SM I went from from discussing it nicely with her, making her clean up, getting DP "on board" with the rule, constant follow up with her and DP and still...right now, after the last room purge, is four or more food bowls with old food in them in her room and on her bed. Right now I am ignoring because I am sick. I told DP unequivocally last time that I would not allow her room to get into the disgusting state again and I Will take over if he does nothing. Note: I did ask her to empty her suitcase after our trip and put it away. She didn't, so I closed it up with all inside and put it away. After the next time SDs are with us and nothing is done, and nothing will be done, I will go in with trash bags.
However I am coming from SM viewpoint. If she were my daughter? Consistent and firm follow up and monitoring. All day if necessary. DP says it is "too hard" but I'm like, your kid should know better! If it's an agreed upon house rule the parent should have consistent knowledge about situation. Check up on him, look in his room. DP never does this, ever. Even though we are running out of bowls (again) for our use.
@anotherstep2 , yes he
@anotherstep2 , yes he expressed himself to my son in a very harsh way
...that's what I didn't want. he told my son he is an idiot and what's wrong with his brain? we ALL know he has a mental problem which he gets medication for. so is actually pointless to ask him what's wrong with him ....
I pointed this out to my husband and his response was that he don't care about my son's feelings anymore.
That's just wrong
That's just wrong
Has your DH gotten physical
Has your DH gotten physical with DS?
yes, I had to go between. I
yes, I had to go between. I do not accept this.
You do accept this - you
You do accept this - you stayed with him.
You do accept this - you
You do accept this - you stayed with him.
Your DH is abusive to your
Your DH is abusive to your son also!! His bio-dad was abusive and not allowed to be with him - he should NOT be around his Step-dad either! Protect your son and kick your jackASS hubby to the curb. That is your job.
No man is worth your child's mental health and well-being. If anyone ever said they wouldn't care if my child was killed there would be no going back from that.
Do not waste anymore time on this a-hole.
You're accepting your DH's
You're accepting your DH's abusive behavior towards your son by staying with him. I feel sorry for your son...the only thing he knows from the men in his life is anger and abuse. He also sees that his mother continues to stay with the current man abusing him. How sad for him.
Your job as a mother is to protect your children. You are choosing to stay with a man even though he's told you exactly how he feels about your son and abuses him. The only thing you should be doing is leaving.