Would you be pissed if??? Really need some opinions...
Ok so this is totally off the step parent topic..But I am pissed off so badly right now that I am shaking and I need some in put from me fellow step parents,particularly women..I am PISSED at DH right now..
Hubby is in the Army by the way..So about two months ago I call him at work in his office. One of the female admin workers (A private and of far lower rank them my husband) answers the phone and I ask for DH..She says hold on and calls for him..As he walks up and she is handing him the phone I hear her say to him "Phone call..Mom..Sister..Mistress..Female.." (In reference to the female caller on the phone for him.)
Needless to say I thought that was not only totally unprofessional and in poor taste..But I also thought it was completely RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL! She new the odds were VERY HIGH that it was HIS WIFE on the phone!! But, in all fairness, it could have been ANYBODY..She didn't know who the caller was!!
He gets on the phone like everything is cool.So I said, "Who in the hell was that?" And I told him what I thought of her comment. I told him to put her back on the phone..So he did..As she was taking the phone from him I hear her say to him..."hahaha..I thought boy I bet I just pissed her off!" and then gets on the phone with me. At this point I am fuming and I told her that I didn't appreciate her comment..In a very snotty fashion she says to me.."It was totally a joke." and hangs up in my face!!! (Let me just say that she is dambed lucky that hubby had the car that day or I would have been at his work personaly!)
What she did was rude enough, but considering that she is of lower rank then my husband, and he was her superior/supervisor, he could have done something about it!! You don't disrespect the wife of one of your superiors like that and expect for it to just "slide". At the very least I felt she deserved a repremand and that I deserved an apology from her.
According to my hubby he "handled it at work" and he discussed it with her and several of both their superiors and that he told them she owes me an apology.(To be honest I question if any of that is true)An apology NEVER came..She has answered the phone several times since I have called and has NEVER once apologiesed to me..I told him that I felt extremely DISRESPECTED by one of his soldiers and what I thought of him letting it "slide"..And not expecting one of HIS soldiers to extend his own wife an apology for such rude and disrespectful behavior..He dropped it two days after it occured..I have not..I havn't discussed it further with him..but I have felt resentful about it since it happened..And he knows how I feel about what occured and about that female soldier in particular..
Well today..He calls me and tells me to check HIS email because their is a "joke" in his email box he wants me to read..So I do ..Ummmmm..the sender is the soldier who disrespected me and never apologised..and the "joke" was a picture of a church sign that read. "Laying in bed shouting OH GOD! Does not constitute going to church."
Now I am so pissed off I can't see straight..And here is why.
First of all, I feel that their is no reason that this female soldier should have my husbands personal..(not work) email address..(I feel that it totally inapporpriate.)
Secondly, I feel that the "joke" was in poor taste and bares some underlying sexual innuendos..(Also inappropriate considering he is a married man, her superior, and she is a single female soldier!)
Thirdly, I feel that DH has shown me NO loyalty or respect considering how rude this female soldier was to me and that she never apologised for it..
Fourthly, it's quite obviouse that it was sent from their office computer where they both work together.. (So are they spending time together at work goofing around on the net?)
Fifth..It pisses me off that he is sitting at work buddy buddy and yuking it up with her after how rude she was to ME..And that they are obviously buddy buddy enough that he would give her his PERSONAL email address!!
Did he expect me to find the email FUNNY???? Did he expect me not to be pissed when I saw who the sender was???? I feel totally slapped in the face by DH and this female soldier yet again!!
So I guess what I need to know is how others would feel in my shoes...Would you be pissed too? Or am I just being a jerk? Please be honest..I really just need some opinions and in put whether you think that I am over reacting or not..
Thanks everyone..
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Oh I would be pissed
I would be majorly pissed because I don't care to be the butt of someones joke. Sounds like your husband was in on that "joke" It doesn't seem your husband took your feelings in account. Obviously he has allowed this behavior to occur in the office before so it would be hard to punish her for doing things that are obviously allowed. HE is the one that owes you an apology.
You're Normal
according to my standards. If my hubby takes any other womans side or goes to bat for her against me I have a stroke! To not stand up for you does hurt your feelings.
As far as receiving emails like that: we have a deal not to have email buddies of the opposite sex. We do think it's inappropriate esp in todays internet world of anything goes. I can take a joke like the one she sent but the source is what disturbs me too. Who is she really and what business does she have with your hubbys email?It's a No No.
Could you lighten up a little, and are you overreacting??? Maybe...but maybe not and it is how you feel - Right or wrong. I just hope you can not let your day be ruined over this non-entity of a jerks actions. (the girl), Don't let her have power over your day today. Tell hubby calmly that you are not comfortable with this chick being that "chummy" with him if that's how you feel. Good luck!
Marine wife here
My husband is a retired Marine and I can honestly say that this has never happened to me. I was always referred to as Ma'am, wife or Mrs. Asshole. His Marines always treated me with respect, whether they were male or female.
Now, we did have two things happen that bothered me. He was the Substance Abuse Counseling Officer, so he had to handle any drug or alcohol related incidents that occurred. (Someone gets a DUI in the middle of the night, our phone would ring and he'd have to go in. Happened A LOT!) Anyway, one night this kid, an underage private, called our house drunk at two in the morning to talk to the SACO just to tell him he was drunk. It woke up our newborn, so yes, I had a problem with that. Needless to say, that kid is probably still working it off it and that was four years ago.
The second thing was that someone decided it would be fun to email everyone in the shop some pornographic photos. To their home email address. Where their wives and children sometimes use the computers and check email. This one I reported to the CO and the SgtMaj myself, but they both said that yes, they were aware, as my husband had already reported it to them. This was a guy. He got busted down a rank, I believe, along with assorted other disciplinary actions.
I don't think this is a military thing, I think this happens in a lot of work environments. But she is clearly crossing a boundary and HE should do something about it. You could ask his OIC to do something about it, but he'll probably just get mad at you. Most men are just really dense when it comes to seeing how the actions of some females can be interpreted by other females. If he asked you to look at the email, then he's not hiding anything. The problem, though, is that she's being inappropriate and he needs to nip it.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
Marine here...
I have been out of the Marines for 10 years, but I will tell you the standards are still in my brain as if I never left. I will tell you first hand that this is unacceptable behavior!
Your dh is demonstrating poor family boundaries by not standing up to this woman and letting her know that her disrespect will not be tolerated. The Army doesn't stand for this, and it is inappropriate that her superiors are tolerating this. If I had done something like this, oh my would my ass been lit on fire.
She is intentionally being rude b/c she knows her superiors are going to let her get away with this behavior, and they are not being good soldiers by allowing this young female soldier to misrepresent the Army like this. They wouldn't tolerate her boots not having any shine to them, but they will tolerate her disrespecting a wife? You are an extension of your husband, and her disrespecting you is disrespecting your hubby, which is her boss.
When my dh doesn't HEAR my complaints about not defending my honor, and not doing the things that make our marriage feel like it's his #1 priority...I drag him to our therapists. Sometimes men just don't hear us women, and dismiss our complaints as "no big deal.." when it is a very big deal.
How would your dh like it if a man he didn't know was sending you emails like that? How would your dh like it, if a male co-worker of yours spoke to him on the phone that way, then hung up on him? He would demand you quit your job!
I would suggest to you that 1. you block her emails from his personal account, and 2. I would ignore this woman to no end. Apparently, she missed the manners lesson from home, and doesn't care to learn them now, and you will exhaust yourself trying to teach this ignorant fool manners and respect now. Don't expect an apology from her, you are expecting too much from this person. 3. I would drag him to a therapist so he can hear from a 3 party that his behavior is unacceptable.
When I was in the Marines, some wives did have a problem with me. These wives were the very young ones, that were also the newlyweds. All I had to do to upset them was just answer the phone (I didn't say anything rude). The guys then asked me to not answer the phones b/c their wives were getting upset. Out of respect for my fellow Marines, I complied with their requests b/c I wanted no part in a fight between them and their wives. Was it inconvienent...sometimes, but, I wasn't going to disrespect my fellow Marines just to be an asshole.
Chalk it up to this woman just being another asshole in the world. Sorry you experienced this...
Candice
You are justified in your "pist off feelings"
I see a little of the HMM what are they doing at work coming. And I would be wondering the same thing.. He is leaving the door open to question there friendship / work relationship right open to are they doing anything more. Chances are its innocent but at the same time how would he like it if the rolls were reversed? I bet he would not like it. This female soldier should probably be repremanded as you say for being rude. I thought the ARMY or service branches taught "respect"? At least that is what you see in the movies. Sorry ladies the only people I know in the service is my sister in law and she is just a big sweetheart.. But surely I know she would not be cozing up to her bosses that way. I think you need to calm down for a bit and then really talk to your husband on your feelings. Cause its going to cause you some insecurities if it already hasn't! I mean we are human. I would be very mad. And I probably would not be calm when I was talking.. Youare justified.. To many affairs in the world today.. I am not saying he is having an affair, I am just pointing out how it could lead you to think that way or even the slightest that maybe she is interested in him. I mean she did not show you any respect at all.
Put it to him so that he has to wear your shoes and see how he feels.. Any man that says oh I would be ok with it is lying.
My husband who is not the jealous type but let me tell you I seen a side of him and it made me feel good. When my sdad passed away we were from the same town anyways he was friends with a lot of people I went to school with and so we were at the dinner thing at my sdads favorite bar, so were all these guys, well my husband left me there and took my son home and well come to find out he was a little jealous of all the guys because he said that he caught them eyeing me and stuff which I am not sure I believe but whatever. So see where he has been angry with me for being jealous he got a taste of it and did not like that shoe very well. So make him put that shoe on and see how he likes it..
(if you can).
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
That happened to me w/ my ex once
I called him at work one day, and one of the new 'flirty' temps answered HIS phone (which was really wierd anyway) and I asked to speak with my husband, but I used his first name. The girl goes "Oh hold on, and she laid the phone down instead of putting it on hold (how professional right?) Anyway I heard her say "Hey, some chick is on the phone for you. Probably your girlfriend teehehehee" I was like WTF? Because I KNEW he didn't have a girlfriend, and it was obvious it was me. (We had actually met a few weeks prior at a bar and my husband introduced us) I was pissed. So the next day I decided to bring my husband lunch at his work. I showed up and when the girl came to the front door to buzz me in I said "Can you let my husband know some chick has brought him lunch? Let's hope his girlfriend doesn't show up!" (All said with a smile on my face of course) The look on her face was priceless... she never apologized but she never was rude to me on the phone ever after that.
You have every right..
...to be completely annoyed. But you need to be careful how you handle it. Although be it the behavior is UNPROFESSIONAL, I'm more concerned that she is enjoying f*$king with you. She is a bitch. And bitches like that get a charge out of knowing they can interfere in relationships.
Please don't play into her hands. You need to figure out if DH is an innocent victim in her little game or is he party to it. \
What ever you do, no screaming, yelling, do not make it an issue to him. That's what we are here for. Play this calm, cool and collected.
Keep us posted. Jo
You have every right..
...to be completely annoyed. But you need to be careful how you handle it. Although be it the behavior is UNPROFESSIONAL, I'm more concerned that she is enjoying f*$king with you. She is a bitch. And bitches like that get a charge out of knowing they can interfere in relationships.
Please don't play into her hands. You need to figure out if DH is an innocent victim in her little game or is he party to it. \
What ever you do, no screaming, yelling, do not make it an issue to him. That's what we are here for. Play this calm, cool and collected.
Keep us posted. Jo
hmmmm
As she was taking the phone from him I hear her say to him..."hahaha..I thought boy I bet I just pissed her off!"
This is the part that bothers me the most. The familiarity, the fact that she tee hees to your husband about dissing you makes me believe she feels safe doing so. That's one very blurred boundary and the sexual toned email doesn't help either.
I'm not sure what recourse you have especially if he doesn't take your part, but I'd be pretty fired up myself. I don't think the military appreciates that sort of fraternization.
I've begun to think that you really have to fire off to be heard and respected. I've realized that it's time for me to fill my undies drawer with a bunch of bi**h panties. Being sweet and letting things go gets one nowhere.
Something like this happened to me, also.
(I forgot my p/w, but am actually registered with the site as StressedSM).
My husband travels for business occasionally and there is a woman in his group that travels with them almost every time. She is married, and about 10 years older that we are. She has always been nice to me when we spoke, or met in person, but there was always something "wierd". My husband (at the time was my BF) used to tell me that he considered her a sister and they were pretty close. They would have lunch together sometimes, and he and I have been to her and her husband's home.
To get to the point, they were in Las Vegas at a convention and on the day they were leaving, he called me from the airport to check in and tell me about a flight delay. We were newlyweds at the time and were talking about how we missed each other, and other personal things. My husband commented on how "he couldn't wait to get home". In the background I heard her say to him "We can go over there and have a quickie". Ohhhh boy. I was livid. I yelled at him and wanted to know WTF she was thinking and why she would even say something like that to her married, male, supervisor. Its a long story. She apologized by e-mail several times my husband said it was just a bad joke. I don't know what to think, although its been two years and I am still bothered by it. We have spoken recently about it, and he now says "it was inappropriate of her", but that I should be over it. And I am in someways, but I don't buy it. I really think she was jealous of me, and insecure that her formally "close" relationship to my husband was very much changed since we got married. I really think that they had some type of flirtation in the office that lost its oomph once we got married. Anyway, I see this situation the same way. A bunch of blurred boundaries.
Oh Boy
I'm going to kinda reply to all of these kind of stories. Yes it can happen in all environments but I since learned getting pissed and holding grudges for years is unhealthy. If you can solve the problem pretty quickly and move on its time not wasted in my view. As for the army I think affairs are notorious because their away from home. But if I was suspecting my husband, I wouldn't hesitate to have him followed and get to the bottom of it. Basically so I could either prove that I was wrong and rest easy or that I mistakenly put my trust in a good for nothing. Whereby I would quickly start a new life.
So I would stop guessing and find out the facts because any man who is having an affair will lie. I had a girlfriend about 4 years ago buy a garmin GPS and attached it underneath her husbands car. Downloaded the info into her computer each night and replaced it. Well it turned out she was right, he was spending time at a girlfriends and she promptly went over there one night and called him on his cell and told him to march his ass outside. In short, she divorced him and suspected he had cheated on and off for a good part of their marriage. We all told her to do it a good year earlier but she chose to rant and rave instead and he would come home with all kinds of stories, lol. Again facts don't lie so if someones husband is away on conference ect. get the evidence, its fairly easy.
GIVE HIM HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kick his ass to the curb!! You have not been happy with him for a long time maybe he has been unhappy also and he wants you to be the one to make the first move...Between your HELL and the HELL he is putting you through I think maybe he is driving you insane? I dont know for sure but I would be getting tested for STD.... Anyway I would give Ms.Bobbit a call...LOL!!!!!Good luck girl!!!Beckilou....Life is way to short, Give love that was never given to you and always laugh out loud( it just feels better)!!!!!!
YES!!! I would be SOOOOOOOOO
YES!!! I would be SOOOOOOOOO mad,
My father was in the navy for the longest time, I to know what the whole military is about as far as the whole buddy system, I seen my mother do alot of cring, Nothing like what you had just happened but things that did get to personal that should not have been in such a way.
She had no business sending any kind of e like that, She had no business making such a comment either, And obviously he thinks its funny, Like you I would want to take the smile off his face and kick her teeth in
I dont think he said anything to her because she still disrespected you even after that first comment.And higher rank or not she still needs to respect you as his wife( thats what people do when someone is married).This is stepping over that boudarie and you have reason to mad at BOTH!
Hold your own..dont let them insault your intelligence like that or disrespect you like that either, Your mama didn't bring you into the world to have you be a doormat.. Not even for your husband.