Mine + His = Conflict
Hello everyone...I am new to this site. I just needed to hear any advice or thoughts from others or find out if I'm alone in my situation. I thought this blended family thing would get easier instead of harder....I was wrong! Here is a summary of the issue. My SS (21) and SD (17) are the Prince and Princess of the castle! My DH does not make them do anything to help out around the house and they are complete and total slobs. My daughter (18)is angry at them because she feels like they are using me as a maid. My son (15) feels like an outcast and is begging to be allowed to move in with his grandparents. DH's kids have been unwelcoming and rude to my kids as well as me, but never in front of their dad. He says his kids don't have a mean bone in their bodies. HA! I could go on and on and on with stories of these two deceptive brats. My question is what do I do? I don't want to ruin my relationship with my kids. They get up and leave the room as soon as his kids come into the room just to avoid any issues and they are spending as much time as possible with friends and other family members whenever they know his kids will be in the house. How can I get my husband to stand up to his children and see them for what they are? I know my kids aren't perfect but seriously these step-kids are making my life miserable!
"How can I get my husband to
"How can I get my husband to stand up to his children and see them for what they are?"
I really, really hate to tell you this, but.... you can't. I have yet to read ONE story of someone who managed to do that.
So the question becomes, what do you do with the situation as it is NOW? Can YOU stand up for your kids? Disengage? Live apart from DH until his kids are out of the house? (Browse the boards, there are a couple women here who do exactly this.)
Your DH isn't going to change. What do YOU want to do?
Husbands can and do learn and
Husbands can and do learn and grow. Mine has. Tons.
The short version is:
1. Maintain your personal boundaries (and in your case, defend your own kids' boundaries)
2. Work very closely WITH your husband
Sister. Where's the bobble
Sister. Where's the bobble head emoticon cuz that's what I'm doing right now. Amen.
Im relatively new to this
Im relatively new to this blended family stuff but I believe if I understand disengaging that is exactly what I have done. I pretend I don't see SK and SK pretend they don't see me. I am absolutely crazy about my DH and committed to this marriage so living apart is not an option. I do stand up for my children whenever possible I just wish I could do more. My current plan of action is to just quit picking up after them. Maybe DH will notice just how little they do and how much my kids and I end up picking up and cleaning for them. No idea if that will have an effect on anyone but at least its something to try.
Your kids are stepkids. Your
Your kids are stepkids. Your husband may not care one bit about his kids being rude or unwelcoming to them. Hell, he may be counting down the days until they are out of the home.
You have to decide what you are going to do about the way you and your kids as re being treated. You have to decide if this man (or any man) is worth losing your son over.
Interestingly my husband
Interestingly my husband seems to enjoy spending time with both of my kids. And, they actually like him too. My son looks forward to any one on one time he gets to spend with DH. I feel like my kids have tried to make this situation work out and originally there were family trips and outings with all of us. Things have deteriorated to the point that when I tried to plan a trip to the beach over the summer my kids asked if it would be all 6 of us. They said they would rather not go than have a vacation ruined. We didn't go.
This is an ongoing issue.
This is an ongoing issue. But, last night I got backed up on SS being disrespectful. He was corrected by his father , but turned around and did it again this morning.
Honestly, there should be a manual or a contract that stepparents sign with each other because so many of these little things become large things. Yikes! Power to your family. You are your son's mother and there is no reason that the Step sib should be making his life harder.