Is as follows:

1)New cell phone (she has one that is less than a year old)
2)Laptop computer (she has a desktop)
3)Bedroom Makeover
4)Computer Desk
5)Gift cards for the mall to "buy cute clothes for parties that I go to".

SD is only 12 years old (just turned 12 a month ago)and this is typical of her, she also asked her dad for several video games, name brand clothes and shoes and numerous other items and then wrote her "letter to Santa" asking for the above. I truly understand how you feel about the materialistic and selfish behavior. SD got an ipod for Christmas last year and has no clue where it is and truly does not care. My DH and I have really butted heads this year because he wants to get her everything she wants and then some. I think its way too much and if he did buy all these things I think he would regret it later. I don't have much advise as I am dealing with the same issue but if you come up with any solutions I would love to hear it. Good luck to you.

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Have you ask your SD about donating the toys she does not play with? If she does not care about them any more she might be willing to give them up herself. That would give you the chance to to talk to her about others that are not as fortunate as her and clear out the toy box. My SD12 is also very materialistic. I have been her step mom for 7 years and I am sorry to say her wanting expensive things and as many as she can get has not changed. That said, the family and Grandparents that use to lavish her with anything and everything have wised up. Her years of selfishness, greed, and complete lack of appreciation have come back to haunt her. They are tired of her always asking for things and they just figured out that she only wants to go places with them so they will buy her something. About half the time she just comes straight out and ask them to give her money. They have stopped buying her tons of gifts and spending outragous amounts of money on her and now refuse to give her money at all. When she gets here this year she will have a big surprise everyone in the family has only bought her one inexpensive gift each. They just don't want to do for her anymore.

I started this year doing what my former sister-in-law did every November -- I had the kids make three piles of their toys in the basement: the keep pile, the trash pile, and the charity pile.
They had a lot of fun deciding what to give away!
If she won't do it, you definitely should. And do it now -- it's close enough to Christmas that people will be needing these things.

Another thought, though: Why is an 8-year-old allowed to watch that much TV? We allow my SD8 to watch in half-hour blocks (maybe two blocks in the afternoon, another block in the evening) or it gets out of control really fast.

At first, she had trouble keeping herself occupied. Now, she has learned to read, do her homework before it's due, and play make-believe all by herself -- gosh, just like we used to do!

I'm lucky on this one. My kids aren't big TV-watchers, although they do spend a lot of time online. I set up their desktop so that there are icons to get to all their favorite games and most of them have at least some educational value, so I let them use the computer quite a bit.

As for the TV, it might be on in the background, but they aren't sitting around staring at it. My son likes to draw, so he'll often put the TV on a music channel while he draws or reads. My daughter likes to get out her little action figures and re-enact the TV shows she watches. Or she'll watch shows that have a lot of dancing and movement, which she then does right along with the characters on the show. Both of them spend lots of time outside, aren't big into video games and usually the TV is their last resort for entertainment. I'm not sure it was anything I did particularly to make them this way... I think I just got pretty lucky with them! I mean, I do read a lot, so they've both always seen that as a form of entertainment. They are both really creative, which they get from me, so they love to do little "projects." They both are into a wide variety of things. I think the more they are exposed to, the better. I don't want them doing all their living inside their heads. I want them to go and do. So far, they seem to be happy with that philosophy.

But as to the original post about materialism and Christmas gifts, this is the first year that we've really had the money to have a major Christmas blowout and buy our kids every little thing they want, but we've always had the best Christmases even when we were broke and I think it's because the presents we got them were activity-based. Not stuff they could hoard or have just to say they had them, but stuff that they had to actually do something with. BS loves chemistry sets, his bubblegum factory and his candy maker. BD's favorite gift last year was her Aquadoodle... I found a huge one marked down really cheap and she played with that EVERY SINGLE DAY for the longest time. My vote is for gifts that require some activity. Even something as cheap and simple as sea monkeys was just the best gift ever for my son, because he grew them from eggs, had to care for and feed them and they were living things. Activity-based gifts give them a sense of accomplishment, as well as provide entertainment. You don't get much of a sense of accomplishment from changing the TV channel and if you do, you've got issues.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

be sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Selfish children will sometimes be the ones to select their parent's/grandparents nursing home. There's an old Spanish saying: If you raise crows, they will end up poking your eyes out.

Cruella & Dragonfly: Our "abuelitas" (grandmothers) were absolutely correct.

Anne, the translation is that if you don't raise your children well they will be the end of you.

Gosh my SD12 already has a laptop & cellphone (since she was 10) a TV a bedroom makeover (last october for her birthday) and only wears brand name clothes. So she wants a desk for her room for christmas and my DH says ok. OK!! OK!! i had to squeeze and budget for 5 months before I got the ok for a new peice of furniture that I wanted. anyway i wanted to get her soemthign for christmas to the tune of $40 and my husband says no we cannot afford it because he is getting the desk for her room becuase she NEEDS IT!! So i told him if she needs it then the child support money should pay for it!
Some stepkids just happen to profit from this whole divorce parents thing.

with that crap. You'll never have anything with a man like that. That is what child support is for. Stick to your guns girlfriend.

My SS and SD only come for the money. I quit shopping for them a couple of years ago. We got a call from the mother when they got home saying SD was crying because she didn't get any name brand items (Limited store for kids was her favorite). I'm sorry I just don't see the point in spending $20-$30 for a t-shirt that a kid is going to outgrow in 6 months! That was when they were around 7 and 8. My daughters are 18 and 15 and I still only shop at Kohls or Target or Old Navy. By the way that is where most of their clothes came from. It wasn't like I went to Wal-Mart or the goodwill!
Now I just give money. All the kids get the same amount and it's up to them what they get. I refuse to take the two SK shopping while they are here. Their mother can take them when they go home. As a matter of fact, after Thanksgiving, I'm going to my mother's house if they come for Christmas break. If the youngest SD, almost 8, wants to go with me I'm taking her too. She can't stand her brother and sister (different mothers).

We didn't really give the kids much of a choice this time. We told them that their toy box was full and if they wanted any new toys they had to make room. it was their choice what to "let go of" - I thought letting go sounded better than throwing away or getting rid of, so that is how we referred to it. they had to name the last time they played with particular toys and we pointed out in some cases that it was more than a year or two. We did make a "special toys" box that they could put sentimental items in. Those are now packed away and collecting dust forever more, but at least not cluttering up the toy area any longer.

I have been pretty good at explaining how goodwill and salvation army are supposed to work, in an attempt to get them to understand that some people don't have as much as they do. It helps that their dad and I like records and decor from the 50's 60's and 70's and often shop at thrift stores - the kids see firsthand that some other families have no choice but to shop there. (I am not trying to sound snobby about it, but we want them to be grateful that they have a lot, and that some don't - that some aren't as lucky to have as much stuff as we do.)anyway, we do regular clean outs of clothes, and try to sell or donate things around our house that we don't need anymore or don't use. Trying also to teach them how to recycle household goods instead of just throwing in the trash. They seem to have a bit of an understanding so far. Hopefully the materialism of other family members won't rub off too much.

As a lifelong pack rat I know how attached they can get to certain toys - reminders of better or different times, a special day or for them, a time when their mom showed them some attention.

I have the same problem with my sd-her mom and sd buy them everything and spend lots of money. We buy what we can and she acts like she can't wait to go there so she can have all the presents that she could ever want.It drives me insane every Christmas. My ss doesn't act that way he is not materialistic as sd.
We buy her clothes that she wears here at our house because bm doesn't want to transport clothes back and forth but sd acts like our clothes are scum of the earth even though we buy her name brand clothes. I think she does it because I buy the clothes...

spent the "college fund" on electronic & misc crap----BUT THOSE KIDS HAD EVERYTHING! When "college" actually became important, 5 years after high school graduation the oldest wanted my DH to take a loan & pay $35,000 a year for his schooling! Or pay for his car payment. One yes from my husband would have meant the fastest divorce on the face of the planet. Those papers would have been filed that day! If a man can afford to pamper his adult kids I say that is a different story. But if you have to work & clip coupons to make it & he is giving his f two cents away----he's worthy of dumping because there is no way no how you are going to have a secure retirement (let alone life) with him.

Well, thru my quiet (believe me I said NOT a word)insistence, the answer was NO & HIS MOTHER SIGNED FOR IT. The kid dropped out after a semester, but still owes for the loan. That woman must be furious. he he he he
I have signed for my daughter's college loan (12 years ago) and she is an attorney & pays for it herself.