Kids' input on the living arrangements
Ok, so my SO and I are going to be moving in together so we can start saving up for the wedding and a new "together" home for us and our 6 combined kiddos. We both have our own homes now where all the kids have their own rooms in their bio houses. My SO has two teen daughters (16 & 14) and a son (11) and I have two teen boys (18 & 15) and a daughter (9). I have my youngest and oldest full time and my middle son a week at a time every other week. SO has his kids every opportunity they can stay over which is pretty much every weekend and a substantial part of the summer. We'll be moving into his house due to the fact that mine will be easier to sell first.
My dilemma...
He has lived in his house for almost four years and has been looking forward to his kids having their own rooms at his house (they do at their mom's too). He hasn't actually finished up the renovations to the basement yet so they've just been sleeping either in the den or on the couches, whichever they happen to fall asleep on. He had them pick out paint colors and we even got the rooms painted and are down to a couple minor things left to finish so they can start using the rooms. Now that we're planning on moving my kids and I in, we're having a hard time figuring out how to keep things somewhat fair for those who's rooms they were originally intended for (his kids) and those who will be living their full time (my kids). I'd like to sit them all down together and form a strategy to help them feel as if they have a say in it but I want to go in with some ideas to offer. My SO is very torn since he's one of those great dads that feels guilt over not being with them every single minute of their lives and therefore tries to compensate for it. Him and their mom have spoiled them quite a bit but they're good kids. Mine are used to living off a single income and having to make compromises so I think they'll be easier to convince. All the kiddos get along well, just the usual sibling squabbles between the youngest two as we've been together for 3 years. I want so much for this to be as smooth a transition as possible. I have a pretty good relationship with his two younger ones (oldest is a typical 16 yr old who is out doing her own thing) and I don't want to cause any resentment to spring up.
Any advice is much appreciated!
Sorry, I forgot to mention
Sorry, I forgot to mention that his house has 5 rooms and 3 bathrooms once the last few things are done. Two rooms and one bathroom on the main floor are being used at the moment. We decided it was time to quit paying expenses for two houses separately when he stays at my house 95% of the time and we only stay at his house on the weekends. His house out in the country is the preferred location for now till we can save up enough to buy that mansion in the country in our preferred school district to accommodate all our sweet kiddos.
I do prefer that my son 18
I do prefer that my son 18 have his own room till he finishes high school next year due to his anxiety disorder but he's willing to bunk up with his brother when he's there. We thought of the two oldest getting their own rooms just to make it even but his oldest isn't there NEAR as often as the rest of the kids and especially now that she's driving and can go back to her mom's to sleep at night. Again, I have no problem with my kids sharing rooms. It's just the tricky part of which kids share with which ones and not leaving one room empty the majority of the time, etc.
I'm at a loss as to where you
I'm at a loss as to where you got that? I said it didn't make sense for her to have her OWN room as she only sleeps over a couple nights a week. SO agrees. we're trying to come up with how to pair them up etc. Our goal is to make EACH kid feel welcome and as if they have their own space, if not their own room. As I said, these three rooms downstairs have not been lived in at all by any of the kids, just claimed and paint colors picked by his kids before we even started dating.
Just for the record, my DS
Just for the record, my DS just turned 18 and has one more year of high school left so when he graduates and goes off to college he'll be one less kiddo to consider in the equation.
I fail to see how just the fact that 4 of our kids are teens automatically warrants trouble, drama, stress, etc. We have meals together at my house at least a few times a week where all 8 of us (minus whichever teen already has plans, etc) sit down together for supper and clean up together. Most of our weekends are spent with the 3 younger ones as the teens tend to have their own thing going other than when we plan to go fishing or some such activity then we'll pile in as many as want to go. Like I said, they all get along well, just typical sibling banter between the bios mostly.
Like I said, he stays with us
Like I said, he stays with us through the week at my house and we stay at his house on the weekends. We couldn't be spending more time together if we were living together in one house.
The only thing my SDs got a
The only thing my SDs got a vote in was which room they wanted (they decided it fairly; we already knew where they would go so there was no arguing about it anyway) and what color they wanted their walls.
I think the adults should make the big decisions on who goes where and why with a different room/kid count. Then explain that to kids along with THEN they get to decide what they want their rooms to look like.
We have 4 bedrooms available
We have 4 bedrooms available for the kids (1 upstairs with us and 3 downstairs).They aren't big rooms so we're just trying to figure out how best to group them. Two of the rooms are adjoined by a bathroom. There's also an open family area in the downstairs but we'd like to keep that as a communal area for the kids to hang out.
Here is my suggested
Here is my suggested solution. The resident kids get precedence for the rooms. The visiting kids get something that works as long as they each have a bed.
This is not about fair. It is about effective. Unless you can afford a very large homes (7 bedrooms) the only effective way to deal with it is to have guest/visitors rooms that the visiting kids can use when they are home.
We battled this issue when my SS would visit his Sperm Idiot and the GF/womb donor of the week would be living with him and her prior relationship spawn would get the bedrooms. Not just the bedrooms but all of the beds. My kid was relegated to the floor. We had our shark attorney sparked off a smoking official letter instructing the Sperm Clan to resolve the issue or we would once again own their toxic asses in court. We would not tolerate our son being put on the floor while unrelated children of the Sperm Idiot's sex buddy of the quarter got the beds. Not that I am comparing you and SO to the Sperm Idiot and womb donors 2, 3, & 4 and a parade of a dozen or so already bred girlfriends and their prior relationship spawn. I get that you and SO are working through a very challenging transition and situation. 6 kids is beyond my ability to comprehend from a parenting and family complexity perspective and when you consider that they are StepSibs it gets even more complicated.
To avoid one or more of the other parents bringing a legal action over a reasonable place for the kids to sleep in the home you share with their dad I would address the issue.
As I said, I don't think that there is a need for every kid to have their own room but definitely they should have their own bed. Try trundle/day beds. They can double as sofas when all of the beds are not needed, they work well and they give a lot of bed space when needed. In our first home our guest room/study had a trundle bed in it. My parents always had a couple of trundle beds in their homes when we were growing up and to this day have trundle beds in a couple of their spare bedrooms so that when most or all of the GKs (4) are visiting there are beds for them.
Good luck.
I honestly think your idea
I honestly think your idea would work this best as the older bio siblings do all get along with each other. My only concern is my oldest has Generalized Anxiety Disorder so he needs a place to escape to alone when he's having an anxiety attack. I think that the fact that my other son is only there 50% of the time might work though. I really would like to keep my daughter upstairs with us if possible as she still tends to have nightmares.
I think you are nuts and this
I think you are nuts and this sounds disastrous.
His kids are not going to be willing to give up their promised rooms in their dad's house so that you and your kids can move in and "take over". That IS how they will see it.
The simple fact is, this house is NOT BIG ENOUGH to merge into. Not right now. Hold tight and wait till oldest two are out. Simple enough. It's worked this long, you can make it work longer.
If your child has anxiety and
If your child has anxiety and he's so close to launching, why are you doing this?
These kids are too old to "blend" and you're just setting yourself up for a possible catastrophe. A new marriage will not survive this... especially if you guys are silly enough to be asking the kids what they want. I can tell youwhat they want, they all want what's best for them. That's what kids do.
At this age, kids are getting ready to leave the nest and they are not interested in gaining a new parent.
Unfortunately, being able to
Unfortunately, being able to buy a house when you already own two isn't so easy. We plan on downsizing to one and while we're selling mine we'll be saving up for a together home where all the kids can have their precious space. This is a temporary situation in order to pool our resources for the big purchase. The wedding isn't as big a deal to me as it is to him but I'm sure he'll see that the house is a priority over a fancy wedding. The kids all go to the same school so no issues there. This will actually allow his younger two to be able to stay the night more often as I can take them to school on my way to work as he leaves for his job at 4:30 a.m. and isn't comfortable with leaving them there alone.
See, this is exactly what i
See, this is exactly what i had in mind. The kids tend to hang out in the living room with us mostly anyways other than my boys and they need dragged out to be a little more social in my opinion. As long as everyone has somewhere to sleep and put their things for now, as it's only temporary.
My SO really is just tired of watching me struggle to pay my bills on a single mom's income when he's wasting so much money on a house that's empty 90% of the time. How can you save up for anything like that?
He pays a piddly amount in
He pays a piddly amount in child support. I get less for 3 than most do for one kid.
You're right, $258/mo is $258
You're right, $258/mo is $258 more than I would have otherwise but it's a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of raising them. They are all by the same father. He doesn't have anything to do with my oldest and he has my daughter every other weekend. He has my other son every other week because my son chose to stay in his dad's school district and seems to be the only child that can somewhat bond with him. The cs amount was not the original amount due me but I had to compromise on that to ensure a more important priority went my way. That was then, this is now and I'm working on getting that modified but that also costs money for the lawyers...
Nice of you to jump to
Nice of you to jump to conclusions instead of being helpful. I settled for less cs in exchange for ex agreeing to no contact between my daughter and his pedophile father. Her safety was more important to me than money. Thanks for asking though...
Unfortunately, he knows the
Unfortunately, he knows the local podunk sheriff so I couldn't even get the prosecuting attorney to take it to court. Another reason I'm still paying a lawyer.
Family services found that
Family services found that there was a preponderance of evidence which means that the evidence was in my daughters favor. They then turned it over to the police and their investigation was a joke. My lawyer is planning on pursuing this further once the modification is done. I doubt a news story on what happened to my daughter in a small town would seriously have been in her best interest.
Didn't she agree to lower CS
Didn't she agree to lower CS so DD wouldn't be around pedophile? Did I miss something?
YES!!! You most certainly ARE
YES!!! You most certainly ARE missing a lot, because I'm not on here to get legal advice from a bunch of people who are only on here looking for a drama to nose into. If certain people on here are not commenting to address the original post then move on! I am NOT going to justify spending one more minute defending myself to those who are so prone to jump to conclusions and think the worst of people. I'm not here for the drama so let it be!
For those who are sincerely offering insight, it's much appreciated.
The size of the house was not
The size of the house was not the issue. I don't consider 5 bedrooms and 3 baths a small house by any means. The total of family when we're all together is 8 but the average is 4 or 5 most times as not everyone is at home at the same time since they have other parents as well.
I may be naive but I'm not selfish when it comes to my kids. That's why I was seeking advice first.
*****
*****
Wait a minute. You believe
Wait a minute.
You believe the grandfather is a pedophile. Instead of fighting to keep all 3 of your kids away from him, you are only try to keep one away. :? Call me crazy, but I wouldn't want any of my kids around the creep.
The other two are teen boys
The other two are teen boys and don't go over there of their own choice, and trust me, I can't stand the thought of him anywhere near ANY of my kids! I wish I knew then what I know now about the legal system but at the time I thought I was doing all I could, not to mention going through a divorce and trying to find a full time job, home, etc. and holding my kids together on top of that. My kids do see a therapist, btw.
We live in a very rural area
We live in a very rural area where the pay isn't a lot. The price to pay for a good environment to raise my kids in. I work full time and always have. I do NOT have cable, I pay $50/month for my phone bill and I drive a beater car. The only unnecessary expenses I pay are on my kids like dance lessons for my daughter. Anything else you'd like to know about my income?
If she isn't married and has
If she isn't married and has children, then she's a single mom. Now she lost me on the single mom income part. :?
I was a single mom. My son's dad paid CS, but I earned a hell of a lot more than he did. I know plenty of single moms here in NYC making 6 figures (teachers, MTA employees, Verizon...) I don't get the single mom income thing.:?
Sorry, I forget not everyone
Sorry, I forget not everyone is from around here :? It's hard to find a high paying job and even harder to live off one income with three kids, even with the cs I do get, at least for the majority of the population around here. I can't sacrifice being available to my kids for the higher paying jobs up in the city.
I get it that you both really
I get it that you both really want to make that next step and move in together but I think you need to really slow down and think long and hard about whether this move NOW is the best move for all of you.
As others have said, it is always more difficult when new partner and their kids move into the house that the other half has already been living in, it gives that feeling of invasion. It is better, with that many children, to move to a new place, where no one has any claim to any of the space.
Also, with your eldest being so close to launch, and given his anxiety issues (that are obviously serious enough for you to think him deserving of his own room) do you not think this move would be disruptive to him? At the end of the day he is going to gain another 3 step siblings. Also watch out for your 18 year old son and your boyfriends 16 year old daughter, these arent kids that have grown up together, there is no prior loyalty, it could go dodgy. Either down the intimacy route or jealousy and false allegations.
There are building works going on at his house now? Then wait till those are finished and sell off both properties and get something more suitable, or maintain the two households until the kids are a bit older.
You think in 3-4 years you will have; BS21/22, BS18/19, BD12/13 and he will have; SD19/20, SD17/18 and SS15/16 by then you would only need a full time bedroom for BD12/13 and SS15/16 the other four would be out at college so the whole need to double up and share rooms would only be on temporary basis.
As someone who had three kids
As someone who had three kids - two of whom were still in high school when DH and I got married - and then inherited three more when Medusa lost custody, I can tell you that despite your belief to the contrary, you are in for drama, stress, drama, stress and arguments.
My boys had their own rooms and my daughter was in college. She had the in-law suite in my house, so when DH got custody, we moved all three of his into her room (it was a big room with a bedroom and a sitting room and a private bath, and then we sold my house. Because I knew that Thing1 and Thing2 were going to be off to college two years later, we rented a big old house that was big enough for all of us. My boys and BabyVoice got their own rooms, and ASS and Karate Kid shared a bedroom. No, they didn't like it. No, we didn't care because DH and I didn't give them any input other than paint color and furniture. Once my boys went off to college, we bought the house we are in now. It has not been easy and it certainly hasn't been smooth.
Don't move in for a few years. Trust us, a lot of us have been right where you are and we know what we are talking about.....
He's a great dad and that was
He's a great dad and that was one of the things that first attracted me to him. He will go out of his way to spend time with his kids but he also is good about discipline and making sure they all pitch in with chores, etc. I've been with him since my daughter was barely 6 and she adores him and can't wait to call him her own. She's also wanted sisters for a long time and idolizes his girls. My boys have a comfortable comeraderie with him and his kids enjoy having me around as well. His kids are just happy to see their dad happy finally and the same with mine. They know what it was like for me with my ex and they're happy for me.
Actually, their BM is a good
Actually, their BM is a good mom and her and my SO work as a team to raise the kids. I've been added to the team and help out when I can if the kids need picked up from practice, etc. and neither is available. We get along fine and there isn't any drama there.
Wow, what kind of a world do
Wow, what kind of a world do you live in? She has wanted to call him dad for some time as he spends more time with her and seems to care for her more than her BD. Its not sick or creepy, its just a little girl who sees that he cares for her like his own and nothing more. Ive known several women who call their stepdad their dad because he was the one who raised them and invested his time in them. Nothing at all weird or sick about it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not
Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging her to call him that and if I wasn't the good mom I am to her and my ex's gf was then I couldn't say much about my daughter calling her "mom", but that's not the case. My ex has her every other weekend but has no contact with her in between. He has my other son watch her while he works most of those weekends and he is his own boss so could work around that. When he is there he watches tv and she plays on electronics or something. He has never figured out what he's missing out on and it's not only his loss but my daughter's as well. So if she bonds with the man that is doing the raising at my house then I'm just happy she's getting the father figure she deserves.
but you didn't answer the
but you didn't answer the question. How would YOU feel, as a mother, if your kid started calling dad's girlfriend "mom?"
When my daughter comes home
When my daughter comes home from her dad's crying because daddy didn't spend any time with her and he talks bad about mommy it doesn't take a body camera. She volunteers information and I encourage her to talk to her dad about it and try to make him understand what she needs from him. Whether she does so or not is up to her. Contrary to what she believes I can't make him spend time with her.
I understand that and just
I understand that and just because I'm defending myself against such wild accusations and assumptions does NOT mean that I am not taking in the advice and viewpoints. I would NOT follow through with the move if I thought it would cause serious resentment and strife between the kids and us. I was just looking for some options is all. As is obvious, it's hard to know the whole situation or the dynamics of each family from one thread and I can take that the advice given is done in good intentions and out of concern, from a good majority of you all. It's appreciated. I've sacrificed a lot for my kids over the years and they know it. That's not going to change. If we decide that the kids' reaction to the idea is a bad one then we'll wait a couple years. Plain and simple. Just looking for ways to make it easier on the kiddos IF that's what we decide to do.
That's pretty much what it's
That's pretty much what it's like now. She has sort of outgrown her idea of calling him dad and has actually had a nickname she gave him on their second meeting that she still calls him. I never encouraged her to call him "dad" and even though for a while there she wanted to I don't think she would've been comfortable doing so. She tells him she loves him and gives him a hug every night before bed same as everyone else in the house and I'm sure she does that at her bio dad's house too, and I'm fine with that. Whatever makes her happy
I was married to the man for
I was married to the man for 16 years of which he was a "dad" for 14 of before the divorce. He never spent time with them then or attended their activities, etc. He just has never got the idea of how to be an involved dad even when he has plenty of opportunity. He's not a terrible dad, just not a very involved and sacrificial dad. End of story.
All three of my kids are his
All three of my kids are his but when my oldest chose to live with me instead of his dad my ex stopped trying to have a relationship with DS.
Like I said, when we got a
Like I said, when we got a divorce he kind of wrote off the oldest since he chose to live with me instead.
We owned an at home business
We owned an at home business together where he did the skill work and I managed everything else plus homeschooling my kids. I've had a full time job ever since the divorce and he has continued running the business which barely pays his own bills. He's not the best manager...
The only thing he contributed
The only thing he contributed to the family was his part of the income, same as he's doing now pretty much. It takes more than that to raise kids and be a family. He was working as a team member ONLY in the business part of our lives.
Not just men. Plenty of SMs
Not just men. Plenty of SMs post the same craziness about BMs that their husbands/SOs were married to for years and had several kids with.
If these men and women were such awful people, why did it take the exs so long to figure it out?????
Nowhere in this thread did I
Nowhere in this thread did I say he was an awful piece of sh**. I said he didn't know what it meant to be a good dad. I also stated the simple facts as I know them from years of trying to make things work. Forgive me for trying to hold my family together for so long. The number of kids we had is irrelevant since I was the one raising them either way. I love all three of my kids and they know it without a doubt.
Do you honestly see mustang
Do you honestly see mustang whatevers comments as helpful and caring? I highly doubt that. I would assume that if your character and parenting skills were being misconstrued you would probably be defending yourself as well. I'd say some thrive on creating drama. I'm not impressed.
However, several of you have given me a lot to think about and it's not taken lightly. I won't be posting on this site anymore however. It's not worth the judgement and attacks on myself and my intentions. Thank you very much though for even giving a darn and putting in your good advice.
Jasper's right, it is a good
Jasper's right, it is a good site. Take what you need, leave the rest.
Just wanted to throw in that
Just wanted to throw in that I gave up my job to run this home business with my then husband at his request. I was a WORK at home mom, not just a STAY at home mom then. If the business went south I would've done then what I did after the divorce and jumped into the outside work force once again. I worked two jobs most of last year just to get my kids into a better school and better neighborhood. I'm not afraid of hard work.
I consider having her all the
I consider having her all the rest of the time other than that every other weekend and being the one who does all the day to day things for her and tucking her into bed each night pretty dang close to full time. Just my perspective I guess.
I never said I had full
I never said I had full custody. I said I had them full time as in they live with me. My daughter sleeps on the couch at his house and almost all her things are at my house. I'm not complaining about doing the day to day things. I just said it's hard to save up for a bigger house when I live paycheck to paycheck, which I'm working on getting modified. Plain and simple.
And if you consider $258 a MONTH as a second income, you're crazy!
"I've been with him since my
"I've been with him since my daughter was barely 6 and she adores him and can't wait to call him her own."
And this will be the thing that kills the relationship between your kids and his. Your daughter has a father and this guy isn't it. No matter how much those kids get along now, his kids will resent your daughter claiming their dad as her own.
He'd rather go fishing with
He'd rather go fishing with the kids and I on his days off than do work on the basement. Honestly, it'll only take a couple weekends to finish up the plumbing, do some staining and box in the closets then it'll be ready. He insists on doing the work himself but doesn't really have the time to do it and keep up with everything else.
That IS the plan. Finishing
That IS the plan. Finishing the basement first. The kids helped with the painting and it's down to plumbing and things they can't exactly pitch in on. We do all the other chores and housecleaning as a team at both houses already. My SO works 14 hour days (including drive time) and has Sunday and Monday off so he tries to do as much with the kids on Sunday and run his errands and other things (catch up on sleep) on Monday. His kids could really seem to care less about where they sleep if it means spending time with dad. They have their very own rooms and all they desire at their mom's house so it's not like they're doing without.
5 rooms including ours total
5 rooms including ours total and the senario you just suggested is the one we're leaning towards. My only change would be that his 11 yr old son get his own room and my boys share so mine aren't the only ones with their own rooms.
It pays for his kids' braces
It pays for his kids' braces (both girls), sports for every kid and all the other things they love to do and are involved in, along with the time he spends with them when he's not working.
The difference between the
The difference between the two in daddy skills is TIME AND EFFORT. Both of which are extremely important to kids...BIG DIFFERENCE! (not to mention the amount of money contributed, if you insist on throwing that in there)
I meant the amount of money
I meant the amount of money he contributes to his kids, not to me. Surprisingly after that long of a day he still manages to go to their ball games, cook supper for them or whatever else comes up for that evening despite how bone tired he is. I'm not saying he's perfect, I'm no idiot despite what you seem to believe, but I do know the difference in the time and effort he puts in as a father vs. what my ex does. Every one of my kids would agree to that point whether they love their dad or not. I wish they had that with their own dad and I tried so many times to get him to understand that as well but I'm sure you know how well advice from an ex is taken. My point was that my SO may not have much time and umph at the end of his work day but what he does have is freely given to the people important in his life, which also includes my kids and I. I can't ask for much more than that.
Oh, and he does make a shit load more than the ex ever did but I don't ask for a penny of it for my household expenses or for my kids. That will just be a bonus when we get married. I've lived close to the poverty line most my life and I personally would rather be able to support my kids on my own without a man rather than shack up with someone for their money. I do have morals contrary to what you may believe.
Combining households to save
Combining households to save money for a forever home with a man I've been with for 3 years is hardly "shacking up". It benefits everyone in the long run. It may not be something we decide to do yet but with a marriage in the future it will happen eventually. You can't tell me that it doesn't make sense to put the money being spent on a mortgage and utilities in the second home towards savings for a house that will fit all the kids comfortably. And a pre-nup? In a heartbeat!!! This woman is no gold digger.
I WANT to live together
I WANT to live together because I love the man. It would be BENEFICIAL to both of us as well, not to mention the money it frees up for the kids. It may not be the right timing as stated by so many in this thread. I provide for my kids as it is now but I do not have anything after bills to save up for their college, my retirement or emergency. If the man that has chosen me to spend the rest of his life with is willing to help with that then I'm grateful for it, but not in the relationship for that reason. I don't understand why you feel the need to pick apart every single thing I say on here and question my motives when you don't know half the story, none of the people involved and seem to not really be interested in getting to know the facts first, only what you assume to be the facts. Either way, if your intentions are to help then thank you, but if you're just trying to ruffle my feathers, well then...job well done :? I think I'll choose to take it with a grain of salt and take the high road. Thanks for your input though
True, you don't know how it
True, you don't know how it could benefit him. I'm glad you asked. Where he is lacking in money management now is where I will come in handy for budgeting and pinching those pennies to put back for savings. Where we are both paying for living expenses at each our respective homes, if we move in together then the money saved on living expenses goes into savings. The extra food we keep at each house that tends to go to waste during the week, the gas back and forth, time cleaning and doing chores for both houses as we do these together already. He is currently loading up his mower to bring to my house during the summer to help out and that takes time and gas. I could go on but I think you get a better picture. Having two full time incomes in one house is financially responsible. I'm not saying that should take priority over the kids, but it is worth looking into if we already plan to get married.
What I'd do for a smiley that
What I'd do for a smiley that rolls its eyes right about now...
I WANT to live together
I WANT to live together because I love the man. It would be BENEFICIAL to both of us as well, not to mention the money it frees up for the kids. It may not be the right timing as stated by so many in this thread. I provide for my kids as it is now but I do not have anything after bills to save up for their college, my retirement or emergency. If the man that has chosen me to spend the rest of his life with is willing to help with that then I'm grateful for it, but not in the relationship for that reason. I don't understand why you feel the need to pick apart every single thing I say on here and question my motives when you don't know half the story, none of the people involved and seem to not really be interested in getting to know the facts first, only what you assume to be the facts. Either way, if your intentions are to help then thank you, but if you're just trying to ruffle my feathers, well then...job well done :? I think I'll choose to take it with a grain of salt and take the high road. Thanks for your input though.
Sorry, didn't think it posted
Sorry, didn't think it posted the first time...
What a kind and refreshing
What a kind and refreshing response. Thank you.
That diatribe of drivel is
That diatribe of drivel is nowhere close to the truth of the situation, but thanks for caring...
For the record, I did not make my son choose...his dad did.
That is what I have planned
That is what I have planned as well. I have renters lined up IF we decided to move in together and would only consider selling after marriage. Nothing is set in stone but nobody on here is willing to hear that part. We are CONSIDERING it and that's why I am listening and taking in all the "sincere" advice whether it's what my heart wants or not. All 6 kids are our first priority in this and every other decision we've made along the way.
I didn't catch that you meant
I didn't catch that you meant to not ever sell it. Now I see that. I'm not one to get married and keep a contingency plan on the side in case things go bad. I'm all in and feel that anything otherwise would mean I had my doubts about getting married and living the rest of my life out with this man. I have no doubts. If it ever came down to me being wrong I will do what I did with the first marriage and bend over backwards to provide for my kids which by then would probably be out on their own anyways and it would just be me suffering the consequences. Either way, I'm not that woman that's so jaded about marriage that I want to keep a backup plan. It doesn't feel right. Now I WILL rent till we get accustomed to living all together IF we do that, and THEN once there is a wedding and a promise of forever on my finger THEN I will consider selling. Again, that's just me and doesn't mean I think any less of anyone who does otherwise.
I do have to say it was only
I do have to say it was only by God's grace that I landed so well on my feet with the first divorce even though I left the house to the ex so he wouldn't lose his home business. I honestly don't have a problem with renting out the house other than if something goes bad there I'm stuck with the payments but then again if I charge enough rent I can sock some of that away for such an occasion first before putting the rest in our "house" savings. I really don't want to be a landlord but I will consider it if nothing else at least till my kids are grown and out on their own. I see that being a reasonable idea. I wouldn't need a house that size then anyways.
Put one full timer and one
Put one full timer and one part timer in each bedroom. DONE!
Eta oldest boy and oldest
Eta oldest boy and oldest girl get their own rooms. Then the younger ones share a full timer with a part timer. Then as they age out the oldest sharing kid gets their own room.