Hi I am new to this whole blog thing. I decided to turn here for help with others who may be going through similar issues. I've tried counseling but hard to meet with someone only once a week for an hour and try to get all my issues out and my family and friends lack there of, aren't really much help. So here's my story/current dellima, my husband passed in 2020 we were a blended family of 10 (8 kids and us 2 adults) crazy right, anyways we didn't not have kids together so when he passed I stopped hearing from his kids due to drama with his baby mother's. So now I met someone who is amazing didn't think it would happen so soon but maybe the universe knew what I needed. We have been dating almost a year now things started off great until he and his kids moved in about a 2 months ago. He has his 2 kids a boy 9 and girl 6 one week on and one week off. I have 2 boys of my own 12 and 4. My 12 year old requires very little doesn't complain keeps to himself my 4 yr has his moments but for the most part is content playing by himself so the weeks his kids aren't there the house is quite and very chill. The weeks his kids are at my house all hell breaks loose and I go into hiding. Mind you he and his kids moved into my house which I am very ocd and like to keep my house tidy. His kids literally have no structure or home training their mother is a piece of work. My boyfriend, their dad, let's them rule him. Dinner time is an absolute nightmare, he's vegan so that's difficult in itself but I've come to deal with it. His kids literally will not eat anything unless it's fruit or cheese maybe taking after him idk. But I try to cook and they just waste over it so I finally stopped. His idea of cooking is throwing fries and cheese sticks in the oven he tries to cook chicken and rice and they will only eat the rice so dinner time is almost obsolete. I just make my kids dinner which my youngest eats any and everything and a lot of it and my oldest eats ok, but now my youngest is watching them whine and get their way and is trying it with me. Also when they do eat it's like they are 2 yrs old hence why I refuse to take them out to eat or anywhere for that matter. Even going to the grocery store is stressful they act like wild animals. Even having 8 kids was easier than dealing with his 2. Not to mention they make lots of messes like eating food and just throwing it on the floor when they are done, jump and bounce on my couches, ride bikes and hoover boards in my house and ran into a wall the second week they were there, taking a chunk out of my wall. They are rough with my expesive dogs so I keep my dogs locked up when they are around. They don't keep anything clean or flush the toilet after they use it and in the week they are with us their dad only bathes them once being his son is 9 he shouldn't have to be told to shower and his 6 year old should be able to bathe herself. he is used to his children's mother doing everything so now that he has them without her he doesn't take the time to make sure they are on time to their virtual classes (thanks covid), take baths daily, eats properly etc. If he thinks I'm about to step in and take care of his kids and mine and work and clean the house behind them he has another thing coming. All of this irritates me to no end I don't mind stepping in but I feel at those ages they should be a little more advanced and self sufficient as I expect my kids to be. I don't feel we have been together long enough for me to express how I feel or discipline them. So I just keep it to myself and take very long trips to the store. I even escape to smoke when they are there cuz it's too stressful my anxiety peaks as soon as they get there. I count the days to Sunday. I can't even have alone time in my bedroom because they bust in my room or start knocking every 5 mins needing something. They fight and whine literally all day. They won't go to bed at a decent time typically they fall asleep around midnight or 1am on school nights even. Summer is almost here and I am dreading it. My bf is a tow truck driver and has asked me if I can watch his kids when he has a call I said yes one time, and they would not listen so I now refuse to watch them If he isn't there. I dont want to feel like this 2 weeks out of the month it's becoming to the point that I don't even want to be in my own house anymore. Maybe I tried to move on too fast but our connection is almost as good as my and my late husbands, but his kids are making me want to say forget it all. I don't expect him to watch my kids and my oldest son is mature enough to watch my youngest so my kids are not an issue. I don't think he sees them as being as irritating as they are which makes me uncomfortable to have to have the conversation of they need to learn manners and get on a routine. I did want another child but this is making me not and especially not with him because his parenting style is very different from mine. Not sure what to do. Ideally I wish we could just go back to living in separate places and try living together again later or should I just cut him loose altogether? HELP!!