I think your response is wonderful. It could go wrong if the child perceived it as permitting her to talk more and more about these things, but if not, it's the best way to go IMO. You are being completely zen, neither acknowledging nor rejecting her concerns. The emotional pressure is all on FDH where it belongs. It is for him to devise explanations, as only he knows how best to explain what happened privately between him and BM or not explain it to his own child. In due course, I would expect, her comments in your presence would just stop, having had no heat nor light from you to feed them.
This reminds me of an occasion when my SS now 22, at about age 16 or so, happened to overhear me crying in my bedroom. I was always reasonably cordial with him as he grew up but never shared information about his dad and BM's battles etc. BM had lately very much made him the focus of various $ applications and now was the time that his dad was actually making an application to stop BM sending him away to boarding school. I won't bore you with the detail of this, but the plan by BM was for spiteful and manipulative reasons. I had tried to keep out of all this but was crying on the phone to my mom about the sheer pressure that the litigation would have on me and my bios, the stupid drama, the waste of money and energy, and so forth. I had not realised SS was in a nearby room and had overheard. When I came out of the bedroom he came up and asked me had I been crying and if so what about. To this day I don't know if he was genuinely concerned or somewhat revelling in the situation, but it doesn't matter. I simply looked blank at him, said nothing at all in response, and changed the subject. Which meant, NO ENTRY: that he could never ever have direct access to my feelings on any of the issues that were affecting his parents at the time. He just completely lost permission to discuss it further. I've made many mistakes with my DH and skids but that incident is one of the ones that leave me feeling completely pleased with how a potentially tricky situation, concluded/

Because she didn't want to. Ask her.

I think you handle it great.

What does fdh say in response? Perhaps he could say, "mommy and I don't love each other, but it has nothing to do with you. We both love you very much and want to spend time with you. We will both always love you."

My BS would ask these questions...but he would never ask them when SO was around...maybe because he's not rude.

Since my ex and I separated when BS was 1, and BS doesn't remember the times when we weren't "cordial", he asked a lot of questions when SO and I got together until about a year ago when the topic was put to bed.

"Do you love Daddy?"
"Can Daddy come over and hang out with me, you and SO?"
"Are you and Daddy friends?"
"Why aren't you married to my dad anymore?"

But the question that got the long explanation about male/female love was this one, while riding home from school:

"If you had to save SO or Daddy, who would you save?"

I had to tell him that I would save SO. And even though I would feel bad that he didn't have a Daddy anymore, I would have to save the man that I love...and I explained why SO means a lot to me and what kind of family life I'm trying to create for my son.

As we pulled into the driveway, he asked the BIGGEST question which made me realize that kids just want to know that they will be loved no matter what:

"If you had to save me or SO who would you save?"

I told him that of course, I would save him because as a mom, you always protect your child first because they can't take care of themselves. Then we got into a huge conversation about the different types of love...and at the end we were both crying and hugging about how much we loved each other. It was a touching moment.

Since my child was planned and wanted, my ex and I both still think that we made a good choice even though the relationship didn't work. We respect each other as parents and we remain mature co-parents after an amicable divorce chalked up to young marriage and dysfunctional families.

BUT!!!!

When SD starts asking questions to her dad...I have to laugh.

SD: When you and mom divorced...
SO: UM?! I was never married to your mother.

SD: Did you want kids?
SO: No. ahem, ahem, but I love y'all!

SD: Will you call my mom and tell her..
SO: Eh, I'll email her.

SD: My mom does _____
SO: (agitated) Okay, enough about your mother!

I don't think SO can hold his tongue for much longer (we're four months into visits). It's only a matter of time before the cat is let out of the bag that mama was nothing more to him than a nightmare.

About a year after DH and I were together (BM had left him 18 months earlier for a neighbour) we were having a nice weekend breakfast with SS who had recently turned 15. "Dad when you and mum were together how often did you have sex each week?". I had to stop myself from bursting out laughing and try my hardest to keep a straight face while DH, to his credit, said "SS15 that is very inappropriate, you do not ask a parent that sort of thing". I just felt awful for DH that he had such a whackjob for a son. At the time I thought he was saying it purposely to annoy me but 5 years later I've come to realise he has a screw loose and really did want to know the answer to that. :sick:

Ok, I got you all beat on this sort of "awkward" though... (but that sex one WAS bad!)

SD13 to us all back in November last year I guess "Oh, Mum was sorting through some stuff and she found the video of when I was born, she gave it to me so I could bring it over and we could snuggle up and watch it together DAdddydyyyy??? What do you think? CAN WE????"

OH - deer in the headlights LMAO

I just carried on laying the table and smiling, OH said nothing - pretended not to have heard.

Later we discussed it and he actually seemed a bit misty eyed and nostalgic at the thought of when his precious Princess Poopy had been born and seeing it again! I told him "OVER MY DEAD BODY will that see you next Tuesday make an appearance at MY house!"

OP - as long as your DH shuts her down every time then just stay out of it, carry on, ignore - under NO circumstances allow her to know she ruffled your feathers with this.

how old is she? did u say 6? it could be that she actually wants to know if mommy and daddy will ever be together, u know her better so u should know if that is the case or if she does it on purpose so u feel hurt...if is the second don't ever let her see it bothers u so she will eventually stop pretend u don't care at all. my SD asked that ? when she was 4 they had just broke up, but she asked when I was nt there. she is now 9 and not that long ago she asked my husband how old was he when he married her mom I was there too. It kinda bothered me but I pretend it did nt. another time we were out the 4 of us SD dad me and our bio daughter some how it came up that the past week my husband our daughter and me gone to the beach and then she asked did we ever went out together she meant her mom and dad then my husband told her yes ur aunt went to. they never went out as a family every time they went out there was a family member, I liked his answer he told her the truth bit try not to be so cold