Is it horrible that I do not talk to SD while she is at my house???
I hate that I feel this way, but she is a spoiled little brat who lies CONSTANTLY!!! and her father believes everything she says! No matter how many witness we have...she is mean to my children and her own blood siblings. She screams at her father like she's an adult, and when I made a comment that she should not speak to her father like that she smarts off to me "he talks to me that way, so I can talk to him that way!" My kids would have gotten their tales busted but my husband does NOTHING to her! I hate that I don't like her, to be honest I hate her! But husband thinks he kids are perfect and mine are horrible children. Not fun when kids are all together...I make up excuses so me and my children can leave while he has his...I am having to leave my own home for peace! :sick:
YES, is it horrible. You are
YES, is it horrible. You are an adult and you need to set the tone for this girl. You don't say hold old she is but that does not really matter. Make, and I mean make her respect you. If dear ole DH wants to continue to think the kids are perfect let him. He will realize soon enough because they will turn on him one day and it will happen. While they are in your home, make them behave and talk to her. If she doesn't talk back, it may take time. Teach her how to behave properly. It may or may not work but try! You will at least feel better about you!
YES, is it horrible. You are
YES, is it horrible. You are an adult and you need to set the tone for this girl. You don't say hold old she is but that does not really matter. Make, and I mean make her respect you. If dear ole DH wants to continue to think the kids are perfect let him. He will realize soon enough because they will turn on him one day and it will happen. While they are in your home, make them behave and talk to her. If she doesn't talk back, it may take time. Teach her how to behave properly. It may or may not work but try! You will at least feel better about you!
YES, is it horrible. You are
YES, is it horrible. You are an adult and you need to set the tone for this girl. You don't say hold old she is but that does not really matter. Make, and I mean make her respect you. If dear ole DH wants to continue to think the kids are perfect let him. He will realize soon enough because they will turn on him one day and it will happen. While they are in your home, make them behave and talk to her. If she doesn't talk back, it may take time. Teach her how to behave properly. It may or may not work but try! You will at least feel better about you!
I agree with Donnadreams.
I agree with Donnadreams. Maybe changing how you handle the situation would help? You can decide on how you'll allow others to treat you. You can say to her, "I don't allow people to treat me/talk to me like that. Please speak to me in a respectful tone."
Also read up on disengaging. There are a lot of people here who do that and it helps them tremendously.
If DH is ok with her
If DH is ok with her disrespecting him, so be it. That doesn't mean you have to allow her to disrespect you. Kids learn quickly who will take shit off of them and who will not.
If husband wants to be a shit taker, let him.
This has been going on for
This has been going on for four years, I have tried talking to my husband privately at first then in front of her. She is 12, and makes comments like this "I can tell my daddy anything and he will believe me over EVERYONE else" the sad thing is she is RIGHT! I saw her punch her blood brother in the gut one time(which she didn't know I saw her) and when her brother told on her she denied it so I looked over at husband and whispered "YES SHE DID" still nothing!!!!!
Its big things like that drive me nuts and little things like...helping herself to ANYTHING in the kitchen while the other five children have to use their manners and ask permission, she gets away with eating in living room while the other five have to stay in kitchen(Husbands rule)! All eight of us was outside playing ball when she pops up and tells us she is going inside for icecream and her father tell her no, she pouts and mins later she was gone so I go inside bc I know what she is doing and she has her head in the freezer eating icecream out of container with her NATSY hands she didn't bother washing, and I said "I thought he said NO?" and her response was "it was just a little bit!" She constantly talks poorly about my children to her father, which they don't think I hear..which I'm sure I don't hear ALL of it but enough of it to set me off. The other two skids are not as bad, SS whines and cries ALOT especially he doesn't get his way or someone is better than he is....and I mean LOUDLY. Youngest SD is sweet and listens to me very well, I have no issues with her she has always be nice and respectfully. Alot of venting here.....Sorry
I believe you should find a
I believe you should find a better, more suitable way to handle this child. Simply ignoring her will cause your problems to grow with time.
Why not stand there and stop
Why not stand there and stop whispering. When she does something mean and nasty say "No, I saw you do xyz. That is mean and hurtful. Would you like someone to do it to you?"
You need to talk to your DH about the unfairness of all of this. There may be some guilt related to his daughter. My DH had some minor guilt about leaving a loveless, communication-free marriage and its effect on his sons. He over compensated a bit. But I called him on it esp. when he allowed his 12 yr old son to set his own timetable and I was supposed to keep dinner warm because HE wanted to play basketball with his friends 10 mins before dinner.
It took some time but in the end he saw I was right. He hates that about me, being right 99% of the time.I jsut see it as black and white.
I hae tried talking to him,
I hae tried talking to him, its just the same thing over and over.....it never goes anywhere. I try not to come right out and say anything in front of her bc she will say I am lying and then he has to choose who is telling the truth and he ALWAYS picks her...and all it does is makes her gloat and smile at me with her crappy little grin that she does when she gets her way once again.
THis is a tough
THis is a tough situation...not many have this "type" of relationship and I know how you feel. My SD14 lives w/ us and I don't know how to explain......but it's almost like you know she does wrong and you wouldn't let your bios do it (I am very strict and strong willed) but yet when SD does it - you say nothing. In my case I have busted my as* for the past year with her but either DH underminds me or BM decides to play mom for a day or Grandparents swoop in and rescue the pricess. It's not so much that YOU allow this to happen it's like your stuck in a situation and you can't get out. In MY case - I'm sorry but ignoring her worked for me. DH and I don't fight and after awhile of her not seeing a rise out of me she backed off. It's kind of nice!
And the sad part about it my
And the sad part about it my biokids see that she gets away with murder and they tell me its not fair. Its right its not fair, but DH and I have had major wars over this child, I swear he thinks she is the Queen. I am a very stricked parent about things, my kids never speak to me rudely, they never raise their voice at me, if they are upset we have a very calm conversation. They do NOT tell me what to do. So when skids come over they see them allowed to do all those things and get away with it. And their BM is very uppty and so is her parents so the kids are spoiled rotten and go to all the high flutten places that my kids do not do. They come over rubbing it my kids faces. And when I try to plan simple things just for my kids, nothing lavish but do it when DH doesn't have his kids he gets up set with me. I try to tell him, skids have you, me, both sets of his parents(divorced and both remarried), BM and husband, her parents, his parents, not even going to list all aunts and uncles that are very active in their lives! My children have only me, and my two sisters (one set of his parents are very good with my kids, but do grandparent stuff with them, but included them at xmas). My parents have both passed and biodad is a loser so is his family havent seen children in 5 yrs. So they don't have the same opportunity that his do. So why can't we do little things with just them. We do alot of things with all 6, just want my kids to have some things for just them. Is that wrong to think like that?
Hell yes I would not talk to
Hell yes I would not talk to her. I would completely ignore her. I HAVE for a lot less than the crap you are putting up with.
For a couple of months SD15 pulled this crap. She'd roll her eyes at me, she'd respond to me in that teenage "tone". She handed my cars keys back to me (after getting something out of my car) by dropping them on the ground in front of me.
Damn right I didn't talk to her. I told her father, when you get her attitude towards me straight and she stops treating me like they are allowed to treat their mother, I will stop ignoring her.
She got a huge talking to by dad. She straightened up quick. If she hadn't I would not have changed.
Good luck with this. In the real world we would never allow others to treat us like this, so why the hell are we expected to take shit from a skid in OUR home???? Home is where you are supposed to feel comfortable.
In the words of starfish "the high road gives me nosebleeds"
alwaysanxious ---- thanks for
alwaysanxious ---- thanks for understanding! so is soooo manipulative, she acts sooooo innocent in front her father, and I swear I want to vomit! }:)
In that case, you should
In that case, you should pretend to be holding down vomit the next time she uses that sweet voice in front of him and you.
Seriously, ignore her.
As far as your bio kids, you tell them they are being raised correctly. Tell them Sorry that it seems unfair now, but they will have a much better life later on and be much better people for it.
No its not wrong for you to think you can just do stuff with your skids. But I wouldn't expect DH to go along with it. You will have to do that with them.
This is 100 perfectly
This is 100 perfectly said........when my SD14 walks in and starts talking to DAD only - I just walk out and do my own thing; I don't even play into her crap. Hopefully DH will catch on because last time my SD did that - DH actually called her out and said she was rude. I almost had heart failure.........good luck
I don't think you are wrong.
I don't think you are wrong. I have a similar situation, I cant stand my SD. She is a liar as well. I am to the point where I don't want my daughter around her. I figure she can't lie on me if I don't talk to her. I feel ur pain.