I have a 13 yo SD, a 2 year old son and one on the way and my relationship with my SD is quickly going downhill. Tonight I realized the main reason I struggle is she is extremely passive aggressive, an attribute I loathe in a person. We got into an arguement this morning (more where I just vented and yelled and she sat like a bump) because she lies about everything, today it was that a part of the table just fell off on its own, not that she broke it, it just fell off on its own. I cannot handle the stupid lies about EVERYTHING!! I have struggled for years with the lying, she lies about everything, homework, hygiene, chores, just everything. Even if I am standing right in front of her with the proof and have given her multiple chances to tell the truth, lies. She is also rebellious but in a passive manor, such as refusing to brush her teeth, refusing to do her homework and lying about it, procrastination of any chore or task asked of her. She will do them eventually but you must remind her constantly, I feel at 13 I shouldnt have to tell someone to brush her teeth, it drives me mad! Ive tried talking to my husband about the things that bug me about the situation and he has frustrations too but thinks I'm just being too hard on her. More than anything I'm just so burned out on it, I constantly have to repeat myself to get anything done right, I am admittedly an anal retentive person, this is nothing new but sometimes she asks just the dumbest questions, things she knows the answers too just doesnt bother to put any thought into it. We've tried everything, punishment, reward, making her pick her own punishment, incentives, we've had in depth talks with her, made her write papers on responsibility, hygiene, how she can better her living situation here, etc. It goes on and on...

Her BM is of absolutely no help, she undermines anything we try to enforce right in front of us, she claims we treat her daughter as a slave, that we dont care about anything but her grades, that if we would just allow her to live with her mom things would be so much better, etc. My SD would like to live with her BM, however her BM has made extremely inappropriate decisions while SD is in her care (ie, BM exposed SD to a man who molested BM and then lied to us about it), she's instructed SD to lie to us, and we simply do not trust her. Her mother is also extremely passive aggressive, if there is ever an issue between DH and BM, she instructs SD to call her father (my husband has told SD that there will be no discussion between child and parent about parental arrangements/rights, that BM has to speak directly to him), she won't speak to me, only sends me nasty texts when she is mad with me, does not arrive to any functions of SD nor care about her schooling in anyway. SD has said she wants her mother to pay more attention to her and care about her but I cannot make her mother care, some people just aren't parents.

Needless to say, I'm losing my mind....I don't care to be around SD and most days cannot wait until she moves out....I don't know what to do anymore....