WARNING: THIS CONTAINS SOME EXTREME RANTING AND MAYBE CONTENT THAT'S OFFENSIVE . IF YOUR HERE TO.JUDGE PLEASE WALK AWAY NOW.

hello everyone,

A little bit of background between me and D's relationship. I'm currently 19 and he is 22. He has a 4 year old son that will be 5 next week. We have been together since 2011. We live together.

When i was 17 and first started dating D, he was upfront about having a son. I never planned on or wanted a man with kids because i knew id forever feel like a back burner, i didn't want to have babymama drama or worry about Cheating with her. A man cheating is the biggest stereotypical slap in the face.

the child goes back and fourth between parents. When we first met my boyfriend usually had him. Despite what i said in the past it wasnt that bad.dating him even though he had a son the first day i met him i also met his son. At the beginning of the relationship i interacted really good with his son. I played with him, showed him affection, i thought he was cute and cared for him. Any worries i had about my place in D's life he talked them out with me and i was fine.

As time went on baby mama drama began. D acted like he had no control over it. This girl has a history of destroying his property and still does. She stalked me with the use of technology harassing me through text, blowing my phone up all day, each time i changed my.number she found the new one she even found me on facebook and messaged me bullcrap...and i never met this girl in person. She badtalks me and calls me names..just a slew of immaturity.

The son eventually started being with his mother more when he started school, now d picks him up once or week or visits him.

My whole attitude has changed. I hate the fact that he has a son. honestly i hate the fact that he has to be there for his son. All the time i spend alone because he has a son. D never spends full holidays with me, he goes with his son. He lets me plan us holiday family activities and drops visiting My family, dropping me off all day. And goes with his son. I can never engage in anything because i cant even ride in the car with him when he picks the kid up. This has caused so many inconviences. Everyday he has to not be there for me because he has to be there for his son. When he brings him around me d doesnt show me affection around his son anymore. He just focuses on him. I have no siblings and my dad passed last year my mom passed when i was 10. So its like nobodies Here for me. The love i wanted from him goes to his son. Im jealous that another female had his baby. I dont like kids and hate That i have to deal with his. I dont think he is cute anymore he looks like her. I hate hearing my boyfriend talk about his son- i dont care. I was recently pregnant and had an abortion so i could go to the military this year. And you know what d told me? He wanted it, but wasnt ready at the same time. the reason he said wasnt even money or the relationship could be better, BUT hes worried about his babymama taking his son amd putting him on child support.

That hurt me. I had a chance to give my love and give myself a family again.

im tired of his son. He doesnt discipline him, he whines about everything, and hes still at an age where he cant do much for himself.

Im tired of my boyfriend leaving me alone because he has to drive 20 minutes just to pick his son up from school and drop him off around the corner.

Im tired of him leaving me alone every holiday knowing i have nobody. Then guess what? Fathers day and mothers day coming up. Guess whos gonna get it thrown in their face.

I hate that i had an abortion now its my fault im alone. Even if i did do it for the right reasons; iim trying to get my life together because its not successful having kids.you cant take care of. I dont have any parental support and that is essential for young mothers.

I hate all the nights i spent alone because he took bis son over his moms house so he could see his.grandmother its a long drive so they stay over.

I hate how when i want to spend a day with him, his son always comes up.

Maybe my issue is more wth him than his som, because i never felt this much angst towards other guys with children kids. D doesnt handle stuff like a man. He feels like its ok to put me on a backburner and break promises and leave me by.myself in the name of his son.

I hate that his son is a junior, or that he got me sick twice and hes not even my child. I dont even like the wprd son anymore.

Its to the point where i wish D was like the men that only took care of the kids by they wife. I wish he didnt take care of his son. That is a very bad way to feel.

I go through all this just for a kid whose mom hates me. D goes through his babymamas mother to see his son usually she is too immature and arguementative.

I dont even know if im pregnant again. The Condom broke. I really dont want to be because things are hard and i think i need to get out the relationship. Like now, d left at 530 in a blizzard to take his stupid son home from his.moms house. He hasnt came home, he doesnt have a phone, he didnt call. So im alone again. Last night i was alone also. He doesnt care how i feel when it has to do with his son i have no say so. Im to the point where if i am pregnant again he just wont be in my babys life. He wont have time for us look at how he treats the woman he claims he loves wants to marry wants to spend his life with. I took care of him for awhile until i got laid off. Now its the other way around. Im just tired. I feel like i deserve better period. Please dont think im evil im just hurt and alone and tired of Being disappointed. Everytime im happy he snatches it right back by breaking the news or excuse of some sort.