Hi, I'm new to the forum, and posted before, just don't see my blog anywhere.
Please be patiente, its a little long.
I have two boys, 15 and 2, the big boy is from the previous marriage.
My husband have a 13 year old boy from previous relationship.
We live together for nine years, his son lives with bio mom, visiting us every second weekend, spring break, summer vacation one week, july 4th week, Thanksgiving, Chrismas etc. plus my husband visiting him once a week.
He is having some social and mental disabilities, low IQ, ADHD, and sensory issues.
Also have a tendency to touch people inapropietly, and pretend that was an accident.
When our kids was smaller, I was able to deal with him. He was always anoying, and everything was about him when he came, my husband feels very guilty of leaving him, so when he was over, he made sure that he is happy, felt loved, and well fed.
On the weekend he is with us, my husband is all stressed, but denies it.
Since our two year old was born, my stepson started to have a bad attitude towards me.
Also very weird with the baby. Any time I turned away, he jumped to him, squeezed hands, or pushed his head to the babies head, and told him no no no no no no.... in a monoton voice.
He told me on a summer vacation last year that I supposed to put the little one's head under water.
He also said that the baby loves my husband more than me, so I should leave the baby with them, and go run errands.
He is looking for the opportunity to be with him alone, and that's freaks me out.
My husband thinks that I'm over reacting, and treating his son like he would want to murder his little brother.
The problem is that he loves to play with little kids, but too young ones, and he like to controll them, tickle them, and also touch them innaproprietly. The last time at a friend's house he told a four year old girl to touch the 'button' on his pants. He was laying on his back and put the girl on the top of him.
My son caught him searching porn, gay porn, lesbian porn, and such a perverted ideas, that I never would expect such a thing from a 13 year old! We was all shocked, my husband cried a little, but next day he said that probably he was just curoius, and hi is not a pervert.
We had a talk with him, we told him that if he have questions about sex related stuffs, feel free to ask us, but the internet can be harmful for his young brain.
He promised it will never happens again.
Few weeks later we checked in his searches, (there is a softwear blocking the underage stuffs, so he can't actualy see it) and of course again he was searching for the dirthiest things.

I got so tired of him, and constant lying, politeness when his dad is here and rude when he don't hear him.
I'm tired of watch if he touches my toddler. ( he like to touch his hand 30 times a day, with the excuse of high fives. )
So I told my husband that from now on I will try to do other things when he is coming. Taking to the little one to the park, etc.
But my husband got very upset about it, and told me, I can't separate the family, and why would I refuse his son like that.
It seems that he is so mad, that he almost hates me for what I said.
It's too much if I try to reduce the time I spend with step son?
This is causing me sleepless nights, and palpitations two days before he is coming.
( after the baby was born I got pulmonary embolism, almost died, and took so long to recover. I wish i could focus on my health and raising kids, not on stepson.)
I would appriciate any advice!
Thank you!