I am so happy that I'm not the only one to feel this way!!!
My husband and I have been together for 8 years or so. We've been married for almost 5. I love my dh but cannot stand his two sons - at all. I would never wish anything bad to happen to them (nor any child) but if I never had to see them again it would be cause for celebration!! The oldest is 11 but could easily pass for a 4 year old behavior wise. He is very sneaky, extremely picky and at his happiest if everyone around him is miserable. He is coddled and is more manipulative than any child I have ever come in contact with. The fact that everyone buys his crap is amazing to me. I can see right through him. The other one is 9 but autistic. He is very high functioning but definitely has issues. Unfortunately, his autism serves as a "free pass' to behave anyway he wants although being "normal" is the thing to be when he wants something "normal". I also have an 8-year son (10 months younger than the 9-year old) who is reasonably "normal". He's probably more well-behaved than most (by personality alone) but isn't perfect - of course. However, compared to these two....he's totally different! It took me weeks to convince my dh that the autistic one was calling my son fat and teasing him to tears...("he obviously isn't doing that")...well yes he was and FINALLY my dh heard it for himself. Of course, the kid learned from the master - his older brother. We have these two every Wednesday-Thursday and every other Friday-Monday. I literally dread with all my being these days. I fantasize of running away and never coming back. I no longer speak to these children unless I have too. Friends think I'm evil until they spend time with them....these two have issues big-time. I also cannot stand the way my dh treats them - it makes me sick. He's incapable of consequences. He told me when the oldest was 4 that no way would he eat dinner if he had to sit at the table....are you kidding me??? I've raised two children already. I admit my expectations for my kids are pretty high but I can say that I have two grown daughters that are good people who know how to take care of themselves. I made him sit and for the first hour he wouldn't eat but then when he figured out that I wasn't giving in....lo and behold...he sat. I hate my life because of these two kids and what it does to our relationship. Marrying into this was the dumbest thing I've ever done. What was I thinking?? I can't even enjoy my own son because of all of the issues with these two. It doesn't help that the world at large thinks you're some kind of evil being if you aren't all warm and fuzzy with your step-kids. I'm tired of feeling this way. If it were feasible, I'm to the point that I think I could give up my dh just so I wouldn't have to deal with his kids (and family for that matter). I'm just tired. I could go on forever and ever but I won't. It's nice to just have a place to vent.
Well welcome and this site
Well welcome and this site has some really great people on it to give you advise, support, and to just listen. I also have issues with my DH's daughter. She is almost 7, but acts like she is 3. She is the princess that can do no wrong in DH or any of the in-law's eyes. No consequences, no responsiblities, constantly throws tantrums for no reason, is just all around miserable to have to spend time with. I tried very hard in the beginning. But after endless b.s. and being turned on and lied to and blamed, I disengaged. I go with DH to MIL's for skid visits, and that's even a stretch for me because I just want to rip my hair out. I have come to the point where like you I do not wish anything bad upon her, but would not lose sleep at night if I didn't have to see her again.