Yuck that does sound nauseating, I think Sd is confused, hopefully she will grow out of this, Daddy needs to calm things down a bit though, perhaps as you say she may have seen some things she shoud not have, lets face it though music videos sexualise children as well, I saw Sd6 dancing like Beyonce the other day, I told her is was'nt appropriate, horrible to see, so thats my advice, Daddy needs to say no and explain why is a child friendly manner. I do understand why this makes you feel uncomfortable, it would make me uncomfortable as well.

If it were my daughter and she was pre-teen as your is, I would start (with SOs support) an "arms only" hug rule. She can be taught at this age about what is appropriate and what isn't. She isn't a baby anymore and now that her body is going to start changing, she should know that her body language and manners should as well. It seems you have hit the nail on the head by mentioning she is copying her mothers actions. Those things she does-neck massage with legs wrapped around, spooning-seem much too adult for what she would think of on her own. It seems she's seen that somewhere. Maybe even saw the positive attention that got her mother from that boyfriend. I don't think you'd be out of line to suggest getting her to stop that behavior. Side note-your husband/boyfriend will have to do all of the talking. It will have to come from him so she knows it's serious and not just you telling her.

yea thats too much goin on!!

Wow, it's a hard one - I can see how having to raise it with your OH would be really difficult.

Perhaps next time she behaves that way - afterwards, when you are alone with him ask him how he feels about her behaving that way. See if he realises there is a problem, and then get into a discussion of how she is growing up and he needs to discuss appropriate touching etc with her, ask him perhaps how he would feel about her behaving that way with other men/boys.

He needs to teach her NOW to set boundaries with her touching and body.

I have very similar problems with my FSD - she has just turned 11. I think she is struggling with the new 'order' of things.... she isn't sure of her 'position' in the family anymore. She sees me cuddling up to her daddy and wants to do the same... it's the 'Alpha female' thing I think. My FSD is slowly coming to terms with the idea that I am his girlfriend and she is his daughter - its two different roles. x

In most cases I agree it is abpout wanting to be the alpha female and therefore trying to play the wife role, this was very familiar to me with SD, too.Thanks god , SO corrected it once he realised that.Buzzy, your sds behaviour seems to go beyond that though.It sounds like something else was going on.Please raise your concern to SO.Just imagine she WAS abused and doesn't get help- this could stuff up her whole life.At the same time I like the arm rule from the poster above. She is acting totally inappropriate and it seems she is more the wife than you.

we've delicately talked to SD about this and she's been in counseling so i don't think that's it.

I'm not so sure. Maybe a second opinion?

Hey guys, good morning- hi BB! My take on this- whatever happened to good old fashioned "shame"? Maybe because I'm catholic, I don't know, no kid would ever act like this in front of me and get away with it! BB, you and DH immediately, like YESTERDAY, IMHO need to start telling SD what's appropriate and what's not. Not with a judgemental or harsh tone, just matter of factly like "SD, girls your age don't lay with thier dads like that". Your DH waliking away to get away from the behavior needs to stop- he's tacitly telling her it's ok. And it's not. He needs to take her body parts off his firmly and tell her "no, SD, that isn't the way dads and daughters cuddle". Then he can put his arm around her and show her how to sit like a little lady. I'm sure the poor little bugger is seeing all kinds of things at BM's, you and DH need to nip it in the bud at YOUR house, sooner rather than later. And please don't think I'm bashing you, but if you DON't stop it, then your part of the problem. But-you already knew that, that's why you asked for help. Good luck and God bless.

hahahah, it can't mean that...is it maybe FUTURE SD??

In my opinion, SD10 may simply have a strong need for physical touch. My 10 year old daughter is the same way. She loves to cuddle, touch and be touched. This is a legitimate, non-sexual need. The "love languages" apply to children as well albeit without the sexual aspect. Some kids require more touch than others. It seems to me that you are the one sexualizing her behavior, not her. Your husband sounds like a great Dad and a good man. Trust him to define the boundaries. It also sounds like she has some developmental problems that may put her behind the curve a bit. Be patient. Your concern about how she will react around "boys" could be argued the other way too. That is to say, because SD10 is getting plenty of non-sexual appropriate touch from home, she may have less of a desire to seek it elsewhere. Also, the naked butt wiggling occurred when she was "little", right? WIthout the exact context it is difficult to label as unusual behavior. Just my 2 cents.

Oh, so the naked butt wagging was at 9 years old. That is concerning. Had she been 3 or 4 at the time, that wouldn't have been so alarming. Honestly, I'd still tread lightly. Let your DH deal with the issue. Perhaps he can meet with her therapist when SD isn't around to get some objective professional insight.

I have had this same thing with SD8, not to your extreme, but the "spooning" and taking my place to cuddle, saying "I love you Daddy!" while we are in the middle of intervening with my 5 year old, and half the time when I get up while they are "cuddling" and go to another part of the house, she gets up, too, because she is not even an "affectionate" girl, she just does it to irritate me. SO does not wanna say anything because it bugs him that his kid is not affectionate so he takes what he can get, negative or not. I have sadly went through it with my 5 year old. She sees her bio dad making out with girls, and at one point decided that every time she kissed me goodbye or goodnight or ever she tried to french me, and I said, "NO YOU DO NOT KISS MOMMY THAT WAY!" And that's pretty much all you can do is say no and provide a short explanation, not a lecture (for the child anyway)