Holidays-SKds and an "ours"
My family tends to be planners. We all live in the same city and the xmas tradition has been the same and so easy to plan around. My DH's family does not plan (even though his mom teaches and his dad is retired so lots of availability around the holidays).....he said this won't change and he doesn't plan to make them plan.
This will be my only and first daughter's first xmas and I know that it will be important for my family, which plans, to have some time with her. I am afraid I'll be last on the list of consideration because of his kids. He and his wife just sort of see what they have going on and divide the holiday that way. I mean someone technically has them over night on xmas eve but other than that it is loosey goosey (then his wife always invites us to join them-UM NO I have a huge normal family all in town, won't be going to that woman's home ever for holidays).
Curious how others handle or do they actually follow their custody agreement. ;0
We have never had the skids
We have never had the skids for a holiday because bms family is more important. So that means that we have had to suffer with spending all holidays with my family or with ourselves and our bios.
I know that sucks that every single holiday is spent with just our little happy family.
JEALOUS. Too many moving
JEALOUS.
Too many moving parts with all this. grrr.
You're under no obligation to
You're under no obligation to follow their orders - your husband is. So make plans with your family.
I wish it were that easy. I
I wish it were that easy. I think my husband just does not at all get my perspective on things. Sigh.
I think because for the last
I think because for the last 7 years he has just let his ex make her plans re: holidays and he just slots in after that. My point is that we need to get all plans made with some advance notice so we can accommodate EVERYONE (my family, his kids, his family if they want to come) and everyone can PLAN. I just don't want to wait until his ex decides if she is traveling, or not traveling, or what she will want to do. they sort of loosely split the weeks of the break but if no one travels and everyone is in town then they sort of split the 24th and 25th. BUT mainly BM just decides what she wants to do and that is how it is. VERY annoying.
YES!
YES!
Agreed. Thank you!!
Agreed. Thank you!!
Make plans with your family.
Make plans with your family. On Christmas morning, the baby can open gifts you and dad. Later you and the baby head to your family. Husband does whatever with his kids and his family then meets up with you and the baby later.
If 5he 5he two of you don't want to split up for a few hours, after the baby opens her gifts, you can spend a few hours with each family.
Or, just have Christmas at your house and invite both sides over.
I could have written
I could have written this...
My dh's family plans NOTHING. It's ridiculous. I think before I came along, he was content to let his sister run the show and he just showed up when she told him to. (Usually SD was with him the 24th then SD went home for the 25th) The problem is they (Bm and SD) treat him like a taxi service and he accepts it. So my plans can sometimes get bungled up. (let's face it guys- the holidays - we cocktail)
My parents usually travel, but if they don't, I make plans with them to spend time, and it has to be without SD. My folks don't particularly like her and I don't want her around because I feel her behaviour reflects badly on DH.
The BEST holiday EVER was one year where I pissed off my SIL and she suggested we don't come to Christmas. We spent it doing fun stuff with my people. So much fun! (other than pouty and sullen DH because SD ditched him too)
When you have so many moving parts, and it requires planning- DO IT! Let him know what is planned and he can work around it. Over the years, they have gotten better, but they still do it too last minute for me.
Exactly! I think the issue is
Exactly! I think the issue is that he would be VERY upset if he felt that I was just doing something with me and the baby at any point that didn't include his Skids if we had them. He got VERY angry last night when his ex asked if his SD could be dropped off earlier in the day than agreed upon. They asked me and I said let's just keep the plan. He was just shocked i would not want additional time with his dtr (while he was at work) and could not believe me. he was so angry and disappointed. totally unfair. So you see, I'm in a situation where BM runs the show and DH has and expectation that we operate as a regular family would.
My family is all here and they get together several times over the course of 12/24 and 12/25. I will just carve out now that I am attending afternoon of 12/25 no matter what and I will miss the other gatherings. i think that is a fair compromise.
Oh gosh, don't get me
Oh gosh, don't get me started! Each and every Xmas I have to listen to my wife lament over how unfair the custody schedule is over Christmas. By the CO we only have a 12 hour window with SS which his father strictly adheres to. That's 12 hours to do the Xmas thing at our house, my parents house and my in-laws house.
Now, for those of you not familiar with French Canadian tradition, (my mother is Acadian), they do what is called "Le Reveillion". We go to midnight mass, and then return to our homes where we eat, drink and open our presents. It's tradition. The French have been doing it since colonial times. I have had to explain this to my wife a dozen times each and every year and she still doesn't get it, so EVERY YEAR, it becomes a shock and surprise as to why my family celebrates Christmas the way we do.