Hi, I'm New here...and I'm going crazy!
Hi everyone I am new here, and I am so glad that I have found a place where people will somewhat understand what I am going through. My husband and I have been married for about 2 years now and I have 2 step-daughters, one is 5 and the other is 8. Before anyone asks, I didn't come between their mother and father, we started dating about a year after they were divorced. Anyways, I think I am going insane. I am to the point where I can't stand to be around the 8 year old, she seems to be a very mean, vindictive, child and my husband doesn't see it. Today while I was trying to help he younger sister learn to read, she decides to tell me that "we decided you're evil and we are going to shave you hair off".... WHAT THE HELL?!?! I don't understand this child. When her dad and I started dating (she was 5) she wrote in my day planner "your pain is death". I have never done anything but help her. The child scares the living daylights out of me...I wonder what she is going to be like when she is older. My husband doesn't understand why this upsets me, and gets upset with me when I don't feel like being around her.
On a different topic; we are trying to have a baby of our own. We have been trying for over a year now, and is hasn't worked. His sex drive has gone down lately, and it's depressing. I am at the point of giving up, and contimplate bringing a baby into this family with a psycho 8 year old. Any suggestions?
Tough one!
Well, I can relate to some of this. I have 2 SD's as well and they are 6 and 10. DH and I are the primary custodians so we had to move a little faster on the behavior since they are with us 95% of the time. I can flashback and remember those early days when my eldest SD told me she wanted to kill her sister. Yes, we've all said that about a sibling but then at the age of 7 she went and got a butcher knife out of the kitchen. That was a sign to me and I insisted the child begin therapy immediately. Other things happened but that was the one that came to mind when reading your post. I think the kids just have so much anger inside them that they are trying to show you they need to release it. My advice would be therapy for both SD's - we thought we only had problems with the oldest but then fast forward 3 years and it's the same story, different child. You've got to get yourself some therapy as well (or with your DH) and deal with this before you can bring a baby into this. AND IT IS POSSIBLE!!! My SD10 is very kind and loving now and we still frequent therapy but take breaks and only go every 4 months or so now for a "recheck"...it will help and maybe give you the peace you need to focus on having your own children. Stress is a major player when trying to get pregnant. Give yourself a couple of months and try to resolve these issues. Good luck
My SD told me the Same thing
I just threw it back on her and said YES I AM EVIL and you better remember that braaahhahahahh (evil Cruella laugh). She didn't tell me that anymore LOL. You can't show fear or intimidation. The SKIDS can smell it!!!! I showed my SD I just plain didn't care. It worked.
I like it
It sounds like you handled yourself well with the older girl. I like the way you defused the situation. Maybe if you can convince yourself that your SD does and says these things because she needs you and that makes her feel strange and uncomfortable. I think it's hard for kids to let that relationship grow. I'm sure she's pulled in many different directions regarding guilt and need. I agree that therapy never hurt anyone and it might help her organize her feelings and deal with them.
Good luck!
Uh, Methinks that would have been it
Youknow, I dare my SS's on a daily basis to mess with me. Usually I'll something like "Mom(referring to me) wouldn't hurt me, I could take her. To which I respond, "Let me tell you something son, you will NEVER be able to take me and win, you got that? But by all means, please, try."
What I would have said to your SD would have been "Is that a fact? You're going to shave my head? Well, why don't you just give that a try if you think you are so big? But let me warn you, I know where you sleep, and I'm much bigger and meaner than you." Then I would went about my business like her threat meant nothing.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
EXACTLY
You hit the nail right on the head. It is just an intimidation tatic used by the SKIDS. If they think it bothers you they will continue.
Funny story. When my BS was thinking about joining the Army a drill SGT got in his face and told him what a wimp he is, how he looked forward to grinding my son to the ground, etc. You know the normal tatics of the military. My son replied sir Yes sir I have a Nana (his grandmother) that was a lot tougher than he is and he is not afraid of anything he can possibly throw at him. The Drill SGT actually cracked up laughing. Anyone who knows my mother will know she is one tough cookie. He had met her earlier.
My son is now a big bad SGT now in the Army. My point is intimidation is a powerful tool. How you handle it is pivotal to the situation.
It's hard to know
what goes on in the heads of little people, anyone really. I think children are not inherently evil despite what the movies show us. When my SD was 8 she tried to take off my engagement rings. She said that we weren't soul mates, and we would never stay together. My guess is she heard these things from someone else. Who? oh I think we all know. But none the less, her interpretation of things and her little mind wanting life to be normal pushed her to do and say "evil" things. I didn't show her how I felt and more or less brushed it off. Sometimes saying things like, oh you think so? or I believe our marriage will last forever. It all stopped eventually. Then the next stage came and the next. It is normal. Especially in a divorced situation. It gets more and more complicated. My best advise. Don't even think of the BM when shit comes out of the kids mouth. Just try to love the little porcupines and eventually you will win. And I mean win because you will be married to their dad, and you will have their support and love. You might even be surprised what she will tell you if you start asking her questions. It is astonishing what they really think and say when they feel safe. Good Luck