Here we go yet again (and again and again) losing my mind with SS and SD
My SS, 13 yrs old, has learning issues and ADD. DW has elected not to get him the medication he needs, stating that it only "zones" him out. The one problem is that he is prone to fits of rage. They are short and quick, but damaging. To date, he's left bruises on my 3 yr old daughtwer, badly injured a neighborhood cat and yesterday he attacked the family dog. I didn't see it, but I heard the yelping.
The bigger issue...I called DW, who was out of town. I told her that something had to be done about his behaviour before someone really got hurt. In my own anger, I added that in the bigger picture it really didn't matter to me how she handled her kids anymore, as I was beyond frustrated with them (4 years of bad-mouthing, spoiled, temper tantrum behaviour)but that for the time being, they'd better get under control. I admit, I likely should have reviewed that comment to my wife before I said it.
To make the story brief, I was blasted..the routine "You're always picking on them. You love your own kids, and you hate mine. Give them a break."
So when does a step-parent step back and just decide that enough is enough, electing to not want anything to do with his or her step kids? I would love some feedback. I have a close friend who is telling me that I need to be more involved with them...that if they sense my rejection, they will be inclined to act out even more...and on the flip side, we live in a constant state of damage control with them and fighting through tempers and back talk to get them to do even simple chores. Am I the only one out there who wishes that the skids would just grow up and leave?
I'd call the police on that
I'd call the police on that fucking little sociopath who likes to hurt children and animals.
You refuse to do anything for
You refuse to do anything for them. You also tell your DW that if she wants to go out of town she has to find someone to watch them because you aren't going to do it. Your close friend, obviously, is not a stepparent and isn't living your daily hell.
Agree with everyone..thanks.
Agree with everyone..thanks. I laid it out for DW...next time is the last time, and police and lawyers get involved..as well as Childrens Services if neccessary.
Your question was asking when
Your question was asking when is it time for a stepparent to step back...your question should be, how do I get my wife to help her child? I understand your fear and anger. But if the very man living in this boy's house doesn't care enough to make sure his needs are being taken care of, what good do you think the authorities are going to do? In this day and age, there is no excuse for allowing kids to fester in their myriad of diagnoses. If my kid has something, the first thing I do is get online to see what I can do. I don't just listen to the "experts" and then agree or disagree with what they say. I become an expert in my child. Fits of rage are not synonymous with ADD or learning problems. Something is going on. Is everyone just waiting for him to screw up badly enough to be incarcerated? At the very least, your wife should have read numerous psychology books. There are plenty on parenting. I have read many, and my kids don't even have issues! She might realize that he needs a psychologist, or perhaps the entire family does. It appears that he is being thrown under the bus as "the problem" because he has ADD. There is more to it. Your wife needs to wake up. If she doesn't, do the work for her, or leave. The last thing that will benefit ANY of you is waiting until police, attorneys and CPS is involved. (Not to mention, everyone smaller than him is at risk...)
You made some very excellent
You made some very excellent points. I have managed to convince my wife that counselling had better happen. If she doesn't follow through on it, I will, and if that creates hardship with her, I will leave and assign appropriate authorities to monitor the home if I cannot protect my daughter. The little psycho is on borrowed time. Mental issues or not, he knows right from wrong, and there is no excuse. As for bonding with him, it's not in the cards.
I think that is the best
I think that is the best thing for you to do. Now if *she* doesn't care enough to do what needs to be done for her son, it will all be on her and not on you. I hope that she follows through and that the appropriate help is found.
Thanks. I went ahead and
Thanks. I went ahead and contacted behavioural counselling. If it doesn't happen then the only choice I have is to involve CPS the next time he physically lashes out at someone...which I will, and DW knows it. DW is in a state of denial...it will suck if I have to snap her out of it with a call to CPS, but it is now at the point where it may be the only option if she continues to sit in idle.