Is it ok to let the kids write to Moms boyfriend while kids are visiting for the summer
This is the first time I write, not sure how it works...
Basically this is the issue...I have my 3 stepsons that are visiting is for the summer. They are ages 8,9,10.
Their mothers boyfriend/fiance just joined the army this summer and their mother wants them to write to him. So she sent a stamped envelope and paper for them to write...Granted this is the same person that doesn't let me (their stepmom I've helped raise them for the past 7yrs) talk to them on the phone..and she doesn't even let them talk to their half sister (which is my daughter).
Their Biofather thinks it is disrespectful to him...and doesn't feel it is neccessary since her boyfriend is on and off with her.
The kids want to write to him since their mother told them to write (it doesn't help the face that the other day she was crying on the phone b/c they haven't written him).
So I am not sure what to do...do I let them write or tell them to save it when they are at their mothers house.
Thank you.
You're BM is being rather
You're BM is being rather douche-baggy..... double standards and all.
Since the kids are upset, I'd let them draw a picture or write something quick and send it off. That way it's over and done with. But I would also send them home with stamped/addressed envelopes etc, so they can write to their Dad whenever they feel like it.
Good plan to send them the
Good plan to send them the same items to contact YOU while they are at mom's
Maybe she will see how foolish she has been? (If she's anything like the ex I deal with, don't hold your breath though!)
Ditto.
Ditto.
Hey! Take the easy way out
Hey! Take the easy way out like I do--let the bio parent deal with it. I'd ignore it and pretend I didn't know a thing about it.
"Their Biofather thinks it is
"Their Biofather thinks it is disrespectful to him"
You: Hands in the air, slowly backing away from the situation.
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your advice...You would think tht after 7yrs I would know better..but with their Dad always working I am here 24/7 with them. I think I am just going to let them write...and hopefully she will let them commnicate at least with their Dad..beside just them call their dad only once a month. That is all you can hope or pray for because I know she is not going to let them talk to me or their sister.
I think the BM here sounds
I think the BM here sounds like a basket case and there is some major PAS going on. BUT, it's not your problem! My skids could write daily to a three eyed koala bear and I wouldn't care. If the BM wants to shell out the money for stamps, envelopes etc..she can knock herself out. Don't put one cent of your money into it and have absolutely nothing to do with it. If the BM is losery enough to force/guilt trip the skids into writing her bf, that is her choice and her problem. If they need help with the letters, they can ask BM because it's her bf. She doesn't realize yet that her kids might very well be extremely angry and resentful over things like this and they'll realize their own mother was using them and manipulating their feelings and love for her. BMs who do act like this are the first ones that get signed up at Ye Olde Nursing Home, if you get my drift.
I have never once bad-mouthed my BM to my skids, even when they complain about her to me. That's my policy and I'm sticking to it. She says all kinds of ridiculous things and acts unbelievably crazy and the skids are old enough now that they are starting to notice it, big time. Her nastiness also backfired on her because she is losing her children emotionally. They don't trust her because she lies, she's irresponsible, she brings skeezy men home, she has pill-popping thieves watch them etc...I haven't had to say a word to the skids. They can see it all themselves and the result is that if given a choice, they always want to be with me over BM. She still isn't quite aware of how much she is alienating them, and I'm not going to be the one to tell her! Just sit back, relax, and watch the BM destroy her own life. Disengage from the letter writing as much as possible and I would say that home work and chores have to be done before any 'extracurriculars.' If they come to you for help with the letters, refer them back to their mom as its her boyfriend and her weird deal. Not your job and not your hubby's job!
OK...that is BM evil tactics
OK...that is BM evil tactics at work, and she will probably keep calling and constantly reminding because she has the control to get the kids worked up about it, and deep down she doesn't really care other than just to tick you and DH off.
I would refer the kids to their Dad about it, OR I would talk to him privately about it and explain how the kids will appreciate it so much more, if you just let them meet their Moms crazy request and not make a bid deal about it.
Now you are about to see how years of dealing with this kind of crap, has made me into such a good table turner.....
I would then sit down, with the kids, and talk about what they would like to write, or draw. I would then make an entire afternoon of it. I would even help do the writing or drawing. Then, when they get ready to sign it, I would say, omgosh, can we sign your sisters name to it too so she doesn't feel left out? And of course the kids are going to say yes.
Then when they talk to BM, and she asks, they can tell her ALL ABOUT IT. I would even take them straight to the post office to mail them, and as soon as you get home, say "hey, you want to call your Mom and let her know how much fun we had, and that it is taken care of, so she doesn't have to worry about it anymore? I bet that will make her really happy knowing we have it taken care of, and that is one less thing she has to think about in her busy life."
I know...I'm evil. However, it would torque her butt, and I bet she wouldn't pull that crap again, if she realized that the thing she wanted her kids to do, to irritate you and DH, actually created a wonderful bonding experience for everyone, and totally backfired in her face.
And the bottom line....you totally allowed the kids to meet their moms request without any guilty feelings on their part. You know?