Help! My four year old stepson really gets on my nerves
My 4 year old stepson is great. Hes happy, way to energetic sometimes, easy going and generally pretty good. But I find myself getting very annoyed when he doesnt do what he is told, lies, or asks for his dad or mum or grandparents to come get him whenever me or his father get up him for something.We have him every second week and I usually have him for the whole days if he isnt at kindy or i am not at work as his father works long days . Usually its fine but when he wont do what he is told or lies etc I seem to get more pissed off with him and discipline harder and more then I do with my own six year old daughter who I have raised alone since birth?Could it be because I feel like his own parents let him get away with to much or dont discipline him well enough that I am unintentionally disciplining him stronger? Am I just use to my own childs more calm nature ? Or do I simply just can’t stand the kid ? HELP! I feel horrible because I do love him but he pisses me off !
He also just agrees with
He also just agrees with anything you say and is seriously undecided.
you can ask him if he like blue or red and he will say blue then you ask him again and he will say red . Drives me up the wall that he is so frustrating to try and get a proper solid answer out of him about anything.
Problem I find is that your
Problem I find is that your love for your own child is obviously so different, there's nothing like it, you're never going love a step child the same way as your own flesh and blood, you love them and care for them but it isnt the same, and therefore I find patience levels are different, i can be myself with my child, she follows my lead, i am her Mum whereas with a step child you have this person coming into your home that you dont have an overall say on their behaviour and the way they are parented is different. It's so hard and find myseslf saying the same thing nowadays "do I even like this child?!"
You should not be babysitter for SS
SS is only over if DH is home to take care of him, or he at BM S. SS is at your home to see BF not you.
Due to covid, I am the
Due to covid, I am the caretaker for ss.
Sure, the "caretaking" results in making sure he's safe and fed.... otherwise he's not that much to deal with, my 3 teens and I tag team for certain things.
My patience level with as compared to my own kids at his age is different... I tolerate less crap and am harder on him. Though, in my case, it's conscious because I wanted to break him of his annoying traits/habits/behaviours, some of which are encouraged by BM, and some have been cause for fights with dh.
In the last few years, I've stepped up my game with involvement. Ss was going down a bad path... was having issues at school last year... I really fought dh about the way dh would undermine me and allow ss to get away with things, making excuses and defending the behaviours.... until a therapist essentially told dh that the way I was handling ss was 9bviously working since those behaviours stopped with me yet continued when dh was around. It took someone else to point out what I'd been saying all along for dh to clue in.
Now, dh supports what I do/say because he has realized that how he acted was a big part of the problems happening.
I mention this, because almost immediately when dh realized what was happening and got on the same page as me, my patience level with ss increased and I noticed I wasn't being as hard on him as I was, and I think it's because I was no longer subconsciously trying to compensate for the rest of the shitty parenting going on.
In short, Yes, I think maybe you're harder on him because his parents are too soft and you're subconsciously trying to balance the scale. Tip it.
Insightful
That was a very insightful remark.