Disrespectful entitlement

My oldest stepson is 19 and his sense of entitlement is massive and zero consideration for anyone else living here.my fiance and I have been together going on 11 years now and i just wish he would put his foot down hes just too kind .I swear the kid goes out of his way to inconvenience me.we have other kids too and it just doesnt phase him ,he just eats everything in excess leaving hardly anything for the rest of the house. He leaves all the dirty dishes behind for me to do instead of putting them in the dishwasher like everyone else ,leaves the trash on the counter.he comes and goes without saying anything at all or has someone over with out asking .he sleeps until 2 and has a full on hissy fit if anyone makes noise ,yesterday he shut the dryer off on me because it was interrupting his sleep.theres so much more that he does that just pisses me off to no end I dont know where to begin with this I just really needed to get some off my mind .I dont dare say anything to him I did once and he freaked out on me and even threatened my dog idk what to do maybe someone can weigh in on this.thank you for listening.

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I would not live like this.

I would not live like this. Let your husband know that you expect this abusive jerk out of your house in short order. If he's too weak to do it, then set limits yourself. Call the police if he dares to threaten you again.

Or, move out yourself. Your DH is clearly too weak to manage his son and doesn't care how you are treated in your own home. Maybe he needs a wake-up call of what can happen if he allows this to continue.

I hear you ,the house was

I hear you ,the house was running smooth for the most part until recently when he moved in .now everything is uncomfortable. Our three girls dont like him at all he has bad vibes hes extremely cocky .his father and I discuss it all and he agrees that he needs to change but it's just not happening fast enough. The kid supposedly got hired somewhere recently and was told he needs to start contributing to the house soon or hell have to leave I just really hope his father keeps his word on that.

He needs to go - and NOW.

He needs to go - and NOW. Please don't wait around while your fiance finds the courage to tell his kid to stop disrespecting and threatening you. The day he threatened your dog, he should have found himself out on the sidewalk with all of his belongings.

You need to really let loose on your fiance, stop giving him "more time" to do what he should have done the first day. His BS excuses for his son's abusive behavior need to stop now. And you need to lose patience with your fiance, like yesterday.

You're right I think maybe

You're right I think maybe that's what itll take is for me to flip out and say do something now ,like right now .enough is enough 19 means nothing to me there is only one man of the house and that's his father he needs to be put in his place .things are just on eggshells my dog hates him and it's for good reason dogs sense things which is a worry for me because my dog is very powerful and could take a life if she wanted to .but all in all I agree with what you have said. Thanks for responding I thought for a while I was over reacting .

You aren't overrreacting one

You aren't overrreacting one tiny bit. My DH is 5'6 and my SS21 is 6'2 and linebacker-sized. If SS ever did even a fraction of this, DH would be in his face so fast SS would regret it immensely. And he knows that because my DH has never let him forget who is in charge in our home, so he respects his authority.

This kid sounds like he's dangerous to everyone in the home and should not be allowed to live there. If he can't follow your rules he can go to a homeless shelter. I feel angry for you that he's allowing this to go on. You need to get angry.

Yes I agree I need to show

Yes I agree I need to show how much this is really getting to me ,well to my husband I never want to show the kid that hes hurting me .sometimes I think that's what hes going for to try and mistreat me until I give up and leave .I wont ive been her for 11 years I'm not going anywhere this is mine and the girls home .the kid is the new one here he can go back to his moms .what gets me frustrated is that my man doesn't let anyone walk on him, but seems to be giving this kid free passes smh.i find myself biting my tongue on alot only because this is his kid.which isn't easy for me to do I take no crap from anyone else .

Well, stop biting because

Well, stop biting because your SO's thought process is totally wrong, and he's not helping his son out by allowing him to behave this way either.

What does your fiance say?

Have you discussed this behavior with your fiance? What does he say? The only way it will change is if dad is aware and on the same page as you.

Yes we've had several

Yes we've had several conversations about this and he agrees that things need to change .if only he was more strict about this.he says hes just trying to let the kid adjust to living with us and that hes damaged from the years living with his mom ,that's fine but it's not fine to treat me badly I think the kid really has something against women it's just too much.

He doesn't get to "adjust".

He doesn't get to "adjust". He gets to find somewhere else to live. He doesn't have the right to make an entire household miserable just because he can't behave like a decent human being.

He has outstayed his welcome. Why did his mother kick him out, by the way?

3 guesses! She had the nerve

3 guesses! She had the nerve to do what OP's fiance won't - not allow the kid to treat her like dirt.

Yes, it was a rhetorical

Yes, it was a rhetorical question. Lol.

Yeah that in itself is a long

Yeah that in itself is a long on going thing with his mother,so she kept him away from his father and his fathers side for years,years and years of fighting in court for visitation when it finally came through when he turned 9,but as he got older the mom just got more and more controlling now jump to the present the kid turned 17 and she decides she doesnt want him living with her anymore so my mother in law took him in beings our home at that time wasn't big enough ,now we have a really big house plenty of rooms for everyone .kid moves in with us we take the mom to court and shes ordered to pay us child support for a change. But she refuses to comply and directly pays the kid instead of his father.we never really knew why she wanted him out but now I'm seeing where maybe she just had enough. Weirdest part is after all the court and fighting shes best friends with the kid .if you ask me those two are definitely made for eachother .selfish team that moter and son.