Help! I feel like my life has spiraled out of control!
Hello! I'm at a loss and just don't know what to do anymore. I have two children a 10 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. My fiancé has four children ages 17, 15, 12, and 9. We were engaged to be married last year and 3 weeks before the wedding my fiancé called off the wedding because his oldest two children didn't want us to get married. I felt like my life was crumbling. I love my fiancé so much and have always felt like he was my soulmate. It was an instant connection for both of us. He was everything I ever wanted. After he called off the wedding he wanted to talk and "fix things". We decided to stay together and just postpone our wedding. I love him and agreed to do what his kids needed from us. That all happened 8 months ago. And over the last eight months we have encountered many obstacles relating to the children. His children just don't seem to be able to accept that he has moved on. We have very different parenting styles which is difficult. His younger two are the only ones who come for visitation, the older two just prefer to do their own thing. The younger two are ADHD while the youngest it has been determined he is on the autism spectrum. So that complicated the issues. I don't know how to handle ADHD or Autism. I don't agree with how my fiancé handles it. The kids run the show, the kids stay up until midnight and are up early in the morning. There is aggressive behavior and constant fighting. My youngest gets hurt physically and emotionally by my fiancé's children. He tries to control them but of course they don't listen. I don't know what is the ADHD and what is Autistic behavior. I don't know how much my children should be required to take from his kids. My kids love my fiancé which is the hard part. They would be devastated if he wasn't in our lives as would I. Although I feel such a deep connection with my fiancé I wonder if this is what I want for the rest of my life. It is so much to handle and I feel that maybe we would be better off apart. Maybe the kids would be happier apart. I just don't know what to do. I can't imagine my life without my fiancé though. I know him and his children are a package. I just don't know how to work through it and eliminate the constant chaos when the kids are at our house. I want all of the kids to be happy and I don't feel like they are. I don't feel like getting married is in our future and if my fiancé would want to set a date for marriage I would have to break his heart and tell him I can't marry him at this point. I'm perfectly content with not getting married. I would love to be his wife but can't do so until we work out the issues with the children. I just don't know what to do....
No way in hell would I marry
No way in hell would I marry someone who lets his children dictate his life choices, like whether or not he gets married. I wouldn't even date a guy like that.
I agree...no way in HELL is a
I agree...no way in HELL is a damn kid/skid telling me or my partner if/when we can get married!!! If my S12 had a legit reason for not wanting me to marry my partner then I would hear him out but it would have to be a damn good reason, not just bc he doesnt want me to get married or that he doesnt like my partner. If my partner was a douche to him and abused him then obviously I wouldnt even be with the asshole to begin with.
Love the tag line
First off, I whole-heartedly
First off, I whole-heartedly agree with the above posters...if ANYONE is hurting your kids you get your kids OUT of that situation stat...your RESPONSIBILITY is to your kids, to protect them, period.
How often are the skids at your house? Is it possible for the skid visits to take place somewhere else or for you and your children to go somewhere else? (Assuming the skid visits are very short)
I know and understand how hard it is to love someone and want to be with them and despise their awful brats and their shitty behavior (living it as we speak) thankfully in my situation the brat only visits EOWE from Sat morning to Sun afternoon and my son stays with my parents, which he does anyways as he loves to spend time with his gparents.
First off, no good
First off, no good relationship is decided by whether or not CHILDREN want the marriage to happen! Right then and there, you were firmly placed down far on the totum pole. And you took it. Even worse.
Secondly, where is your maternal instincts? You can and will fall desperately in love with a guy without children or a guy who has children who behave not terrorize your own! But this can only happen if you extract yourself from the train wreck you are in at the moment.
Their biological Dad left
Their biological Dad left them. He moved across the country with his gf. Quit his job, left them with no insurance coverage. Should I go on???? When I try to contact him about the kids he doesn't respond. He calls them once a week and I get child support. He sees them twice a year. My kids love my fiancé, they idealize him. It's hard because he is so good with them. They would be devastated without him and have told me that. So I'm trying to tread carefully because either way they will be hurt and they have been through so much already.
A soul mate would not put
A soul mate would not put anyone or anything before you anymore than you would put anyone or anything before him. Catch a clue. Move on.
Serving up your children, particularly the 6yo to be the physical and emotional punching bag for his toxic spawn makes you the toxic one in your own children's lives.
How could you possibly love a man who has raised these violent and abusive train wreck toxic crotch nuggets?
You have dodged a big
You have dodged a big bullet!
My SS has ADHD so bad he cannot stay on the toilet long enough to finish his poo, he ends up finishing it in hs pants. I have to watch my 4 year old like a hawk whenever he's around. Even so, he took off my son's water wings when he was only 3 to "see if he could swim". He almost drowned.
This is no way to live, you don't want this... get out!
"My youngest gets hurt
"My youngest gets hurt physically and emotionally by my fiancé's children." WTH kind of mom puts her children through this!
Get rid of him and his abusive children. Your kids adore your fiance??? They don't know any better, please protect them - noone else will!
I am married to a man who
I am married to a man who lets his grown son dictate what he does. Even though he lives 2 hrs. away. If I were you I would not marry this man because your troubles will double once you tie the knot. My husband has 7 kids of his own. Three of them call him often, my husband will tell them what is happening in our family of one adopted daughter and two bio-kids. And it has caused nothing but conflict between my husband and I. I realize that I can't change my husbands behavior as he is very set in his ways.So, since I have been fighting this battle for years with him I have alot of resentment in me towards my husbands behavior. And I would not wish that on anyone. Good Luck. Go with what your heart is telling you its probably right.