Hello there. I am hoping this is a great place for support.

I am the adoptive mom to one 11 yo daughter (had her since age 3, no second parent at all). My girlfriend is bio mom to three kids, 8, 12, 15. She co-parents with her ex-partner so pretty much the kids are at each home 50% of the time however all kids PREFER to be with my gf. they rarely WANT to go to their other mom's house. they are very bonded to my gf.

right now we live one street apart (i know, super lucky) and my dd is over there all the time to play since there are a whole lot of kids on that street and none on mine.

we have been a couple for about 16 months. our PLAN is to merge, no sooner than Fall of 2015 (we will have to move to live together, into a larger home). I am very lucky that her kids like me and are fine with us being together (pretty much think of me as stepmom already) and pretty sure they realize that we are on the path to all living together. (their other mom has had a partner for years so they are used to having one "step-parent" already.)

also lucky that my dd loves my gf and wants to have a big family super bad. can't wait for us to all live together.

obviously when it actually HAPPENS, things will seem not as rosy i'm sure LOL. having siblings doesn't always mean love and hugs and constant playmates. it means being treated like an annoying sister some of the time! she is getting a taste of that from the 15 yo girl, whom i think initially she thought was going to be her bestest buddy and do nails together and shop for clothes together etc etc. yah um....not so much, most of the time LOL

so i guess the areas i would want advice on a lot is being sensitive to her kids who will have to come and go to our future home, whereas me and my dd get access to their mom full time. and how that will play out. also gf feeling guilty (logically of course she shouldn't but reality is that i'm sure her kids will hit her with comments and such that will make her feel guilty for doing anything with me and my dd while her kids have to be at their other moms house).

i can also tell already that qt between me and gf is going to be put to the test because it's already like that. i am engaged fully in helping out with her kids, picking up, driving, etc (she works and is in school to become a teacher), and occasionally she helps with mine. logistically obviously she is the one needing more help! all four of our kids are deep into sports so you can imagine the driving. i also work ft about 25 mins away from home. due to us living so close we are able to see each other a lot which probably has backfired as for taking good advantage of QUALITY qt. sometimes i go over there when dd is asleep and hang out while she cleans kitchen or whatnot. so a lot of our time in the same space ends up not being super QT. then when her kids are not home, it's not like we are off doing lots of fab things. money is an issue and we don't go popping off to restaurants or away for weekends (i have my dd but even if we get a sleepover for her sometimes we just end up at one of our houses, doing chores and then going to bed )

so i am sure things will change once we actually move. that will be more difficult, a big change on all. but i want to try to do everything right. it will be a big adjustment for my dd although she is looking at it with rosy glasses now. she knows i help out a lot and is more or less fine with it all, as long as she isn't forced to go to all the sports games etc. i think she thought they would all want to come to her games too but she seems to be adjusting OK to the reality that they are not her best buddies just because the two moms are dating! my personal main worry is for the jealousy her kids might have at having to go while we stay, and my gf's guilt maybe with that. in addition, my gf is the only second parent MY kid has ever had. so she will see her as full on second parent, and i want gf to be able to treat her that way, she knows this is how my dd will see her. we have already talked about that we want to be ONE FAMILY, not have me treat her kids diff than my own kid. i love her kids and they are fond of me so so far in this dating stage, it's working well.

so any advice from other families who have had this type of situation, that would be great.

s