I know that a couple people on here are currently struggling with the question "Should I stay or should I go?" and I know I was at one time too. I wondered whether it was me; surely I was being unreasonable. The temper tantrums and drama couldn't have been that bad.

I found this site to help me figure things out -- I think it was Anne who suggested that I look at ODD stuff in relation to how my ex gf's kids were acting. They had three hour temper tantrums seemed like once a week or more; broke stuff; ran away; one of them was still sucking his thumb and carrying around a blanket (they were ten at the time). I went through what so many of us went through -- the screaming fits were directed at me -- I had to get out; I ruined their lives, etc -- despite them having had these fits before I got invlved with their mother. Their father told their mother that he thought they were out of control. One day last year, when they were through a temper tantrum, she threw a half full two liter bottle of pepsi at them. She went on medication rather than even dare ask the question whether their behavior was out of control.

Her ex husband wanted them to get help. Ther behavior started to effect my daughter and one day when one of them was throwing a fit and I made the comment she was letting them run the house and had to do something -- she threw me and my 11 year old daughter out of the house. I had to go stay in a hotel (with my daughter) and got a different apartment.

She threw me out one month after my father passed away. No, I was not a deadbeat step either. Her ex husband is on disability and I paid more in household expenses than her ex husband did (through SS) during the time we were together. She was going to Nursing School of a night and I would pick them up twice a week after school and my work so she could go to class. I think I helped out a lot and carried my weight as a step.

She came to me crying to me after the fight in May and wanted us to get back together, but I stayed with the apartment and we tried "dating" -- the boys behavior was still just as bad.

I told her she needed to have them evaluated for ODD -- but she refused and we ended it. I couldn't go on. Her kids screaming at me; cussing at me week in and week out for 2 1/2 years was too much for me to take. I told her she wasn't being respectful to me or my daughter -- nor was she taking the proper care of her kids. They needed help.

Her response was that since they didn't act that way in school, they were fine.

My daughter plays Runescape Online and they have some of the same friends they chat with while playing.

I have not talked to ex gf since August; last e-mail exchanged was in September.

She was talking to one of their friends last week and the one who threw the fit in May got in huge trouble at school. He started cussing out the musc teacher and asking him what right he had to teach them; and got the whole class in trouble. One of the reasons she told me that she would not get them evaluated was because the behavior was only occuring at home and not school, so they had to be fine. Well, now its finaly happening at school too. Detention and no recess for over a week for the whole class, not just him. None of his classmates like him right now.

They went to this frends birthday party and threw a fit because they missed their mom -- screaming; yelling crying etc. Now both of them suck their thumbs and they will be 11 in February.

The ex gf and I broke up because I felt she wasn't getting the care she needed for her kids; and their behavior was out of control. Their behavior effected our relationship. Their behavior effected my daughter and her mental health.

People have to acknowledge and deal with problems in relationships -- and not just give them lip service.

I didn't cause them to act this way -- I think that often DH/DW/BM try to lay a guilt trip at the Steps feet. "If it hadn't been for YOU." Well, the mess existed before we got involved and our leaving might not make it better, but WE DIDN'T CAUSE IT AND DON'T BLAME US FOR IT!.

If our children have behavioral problems we have an overriding duty as a parent to deal with them. Our pride can't stand in the way of our responsibility.

A relationship with our spouse or SO (hopefully) will last longer than the time that our kids are living at home. They can love our kids and criticism does not equal not caring about them.

I read a lot about ODD and I have read and learned a lot about being a step parent on here from good people. My ex hasn't called me (and she won't). but when we split I told her that not dealing wth her kids behavioral problems didn't mean they were going to go away. They didn't and now they are worse.

Thankfully the people on this site have helped me deal with my grief and questions. I appreciate everyone on here and I hope you take this note not as a bashing of the ex, but as a thank you to all of you for your support and understanding.

Kevin