Finally said I think he should spend time with them alone... right thing?
I guess I did it more for my own sanity, but today DFH, who has what someone called it on here "Disney Dad" syndrome, asked me to drive me and my son about 30 minutes away to his sisters house after he gets off work today so that he could pick up his kids (who live in the same city as his sister) and we could all spend time together. I posted my first rant about my SD4 this week, if any of you read it, and realized that if things continue this way I am most likely going to leave, even though I love him and would like things to work out.
I answered his request by suggesting he begin to spend his weekends with his kids alone with them, without me and my son (2 yrs) around. I told him straight out that when I am around SD4 gets incredibly jealous and that I didn't want to be a cause in his kids thinking that the time they spend here, which is just daytime on the weekends, is boring and sucks because of me.
He stayed quiet, didn't really respond, and just said that he would have liked for me to go.
My sister says that if I try to make him choose between me and his kids that I would be in the wrong, but for my own sanity, I would just rather avoid the hours of hell that I endure every weekend. I told him that if he wanted to sped time with me that I would like it to be real time with me and for us to go out and do something as a couple, and I would arrange for a bay sitter for my son and he could come home and get me when he was done with his kids.
Now, I said this in a very calm, kind way and tried to make it sound like I was doing it for the sake of poor, jealous, fragile, little SD4.
I have a few scenarios in my mind of what this could lead to if it doesn't work out, but right now, as a full time nursing student at a 4-yr university, my work load study wise is ridiculous and I could definitely use the time during the day to study without having to care for and deals with three more kids!! This way I get to spend more time with my 2 yr old on the weekends too, who often gets pushed to side by these kids and they are constantly trying to instigate him and get him in trouble, and it is sad when you can see that your 2 yr old is frustrated and stressed out. All together, I know this will end up in him dropping them off back at BMs earlier, which means more time for us as a couple.
Any thoughts? ANyone tried this?
I have never faced this
I have never faced this situtaion but, it sounds like you did exactly the right thing, and stated it in a way that would be hard to debate. Especially if your own 2 year old is getting stressed out - he is too young.
Well played. You played the
Well played. You played the concerned for the children angle. Very good. I do this all the time.
"he would have liked for me to go."
Reply: I know honey, I just think this is best right now. I miss you lots though.
How in the world are you making him choose anything? You are simply opting not to wear yourself out and drag your kid around. I have been so much more relaxed since opting out myself. No more running around to entertain the children. Its silly.
If he chooses to drop his kids off, well thats his choice. He'll get used to it. They all do. Keep using your pleasantness, it works in your favor.
This past sunday was the
This past sunday was the first time i let him be alone with the kids all day. It felt very very good. although i think the kids got mad that i took the puppy with me (he is MINE lol) but im in the same situation :/ i plan to stay with my girlfriend this tuesday night when he gets them