Do these feelings ever end?
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It seems like I live in on emotional roller coaster. My DH has literally told me that I don't make him happy and things to that effect many times. He is hot and cold with my BS's, or just not even interested unless it is to tell them what they are doing wrong. He is always, and I mean always lovey, kind and gentle with his BD. And with me, well hot and cold, up and down more often than not he is upset or just not in a good mood. The story is long, but its safe to say that things are tough around here. I feel like he is so happy only with his BD, everyone else is just kind of in the way.
Your not really providing
Your not really providing enough information for anyone to say too much to you. However, safe to say you are in the same boat as the rest if us and the answer is, the only way this will end is when you stop taking it. If you sit back and say nothing, or worse, complain but do nothing, rest assured this will only get worse.
Your DH has literally told you, you don't maje him happy, really. You are here, fair to say he isn't making you happy either. Have you ever told him that.
No man is worth being miserable for. But to allow your children to be treated like this us really very unfair on them and to teach them this is how relationships should be is not giving them a good example. Do you want your sons to grow up thinking this is how to treat their wives and daughters.
It is very tiring living with
It is very tiring living with someone, when you never know what sort of mood they are going to be in, and you try and walk on eggshells with them. It was like this with my ExH. After 24 years I had had enough. You have more reasons not to put up with this ie your children. I agree with emotionaly beat up, you have to do something to change this situation.
Me too. 20 years with a guy
Me too. 20 years with a guy that I walked on eggshells around. I could do something for 14 days and it was fine. On day 15 it was all wrong and how could I be so stupid. It's no way to live. Either couples counseling if you want to try to save this thing, or start planning your escape.
It is hard to tell too much
It is hard to tell too much without telling all of it and that would be a very very long post- I never know what will come back to bite me later. It seems like all of you are in tuned with what I am living in. DH and I did the couples thing a couple years ago and now he wont even think to go again, it is a topic of high contention around here (among many other things, again... a long list). I am so conflicted all of the time, you are all right in so many ways- its just not that easy. I wish I could get him to see how much we hurt and that it could be so much better with more compromising on his part. I feel like I have compromised my whole relationship and there are just a few he has had to make for us/ me, all be it big (like where we live mainly- its an hour+ from SD). I know I am still vague, I am not accustomed to talking online openly like this.
No, its not easy. It's damn
No, its not easy. It's damn hard. But is the life your living now easy. Are you so happy with the way things are that its all too hard to get up and change it. Of course you're not.
Its not easy and I can sympathize with you, I well and truly understand your fear. But that fear can be your best friend our your worst enemy. You can let that fear keep you trapped in this life which will over the years get worse and worse and worse. Your sons will not develop to their fullest potential, and in fact will develop dysfunctional tendencies to say the least because of you being to afraid and finding it all to hard to do something about it.
Or, you can feel that fear, realise it is a warning sign that things are seriously wrong in your marriage and your life and you need to do something to fix it. Take that fear as your fight or flight warning, and do something with that fear.
Its all up to you and if you keep making excuses to yourself, finding reasons why you have to stay, or why he does this, or blaming his daughter for his behaviour, you will find yourself living like this for years damaging yourself and your sons in the process. His daughter can say and do whatever she likes, she is responsible for that, he is totally responsible for his own actions, for the way he treats her, for everything he gives her, he is not cutting you out because of her, he chooses to do that because he chooses to please her over you. She really is the other woman in your marriage, and you excuse it and tidy it up because its not like he's having an affair, she is his daughter. But the truth is, he is emotionally having an affair, she is the other woman whom he is taking time away from his wife for, the woman he chooses to please above his wife, even though that choice makes his wife miserable. But society excuses it, we excuse it, because instead of calling her a skank who breaks up a marriage, we call her a spoilt daughter. It sounds much nicer, but it is the same result. If he were doing all of this for another woman, would you still be finding it to hard to stand up for yourself.