I need somewhere to get this all out. I'm so lost.... one son, one boyfriend, one someday step-daughter, and a "combined ex-wife/ex-husband crazy train" is wearing me out. And when I say combined crazy train I mean it. Our respective ex-spouses are in a relationship, ha! The Wh@re started sleeping with my then husband. I read the stories on Steptalk and feel all the same feeling about stupid BMs only I got those feelings multipled since my SD's BM is my DS's Stepmom! You think you don't like the crazy BM, what about if she was assisting in raising your biochild? OMG, its freaking killer. How I'm not in the looney bin I don't know.

However, The main problem of the day? DBF! Using the 1 to 10 scale of happiness we can't seem to ever stay at a 9 or 10. Darn trust issues. I'm sorry she was a stupid, stupid W. I'm not sorry I'm not stupid, and I'm not a W! Yet you constantly bring that up. OMG!!!! Couldn't sleep last night. Coming off Zoloft (mistake? lol be fat or happy? tough call!) combined with a crazy cat meowing cuz she can't sleep in our bed since she keeps pissing on it, and a sick coughing snoring BF. I wonder why I can't sleep or feel good today! So in the middle of the night I start checking facebook, news, and my games on my phone. BF wakes up and is all pissy and starts accusing me of talking to my "boyfriends". Yeah, I'm checking out a company to do a car wrap for my business logo. I tell him he's more than welcome to join my facebook and we can have a joint page, like we have gone round and round about before. I'm sorry your poor excuse of an ex wife used it as a tool to snag a douche or two actually! He rolls over and ignores me saying I'm too smart and how he doesn't trust me. Excuse me? I just spent my day working my tail off, driving the hour commute home, picking up "our" kids, taking them to get costumes and Halloween candy, coming home waiting on you hand and foot since you are sick, making dinner, supervising kids, cleaning since your mom's coming over to help with candy handout, and laundry for "our" kids. Don't bite the hand that feeds you! I left it with I know you are sick and literally tired we will pick this up in the morning but know I'm really pissed at you for your ridiculous comments. I've given you my passwords time and time again.

Dear BF: You are so broken! Will it ever get better? Thanks to that W for killing a great person! The worse part is the self sabotage and slowly killing our relationship since you can't accept happy, normal people now. You are dragging me down. ARRRRR!

I think one of two things are inevitable. 1. you tell me enough how you don't trust me and I'm not going to give a F and will become untrustworthy (highly unlikely. I'll probably leave you first for making me miserable) or 2. I leave because you are making me miserable. Do I want to leave? No, He's great aside from that. We have a hard time not having fun and being happy. We are pretty much over the Disney dad plague. Both kids are stellar. We are stellar. I just have the deep nagging feeling you won't ever be happy to be happy. Like you want me to leave and can't pull the plug yourself. leave it to me so you look like the good guy, the one who was left. Thats the biggest problem we are on one hell of a roller coaster. As soon as thing go good you can't accept that and it crashes down with your sulking attitude that you become guarded and withdrawn. Crazy train to roller coaster. Why, why, why? If it doesn't work out I'm going to be a crazy cat lady and never play this game again. And I know my kid has a dad, as much as I wish he rot underground, he is his dad and I'm not looking for a replacement. And no I don't ever expect any dude in my life to love him like my own!