I would quit then. If he doesn't think that what you do is work, then say FINE! Tomorrow at 6am I am leaving and won't return until 5:30.

Oh? Kids need to get ready for school? Breakfast needs to be made and cleaned up? Lunches need to be made and cleaned up? House needs some cleaning? Laundry needs doing? Dinner needs fixing and shopping needs done?

Not my problem, since I don't WORK for you.

Seriously, what is WITH these men? I am a firefighter/Paramedic so I work shift work of 24 on/48 off. Years ago I lived with a guy who was a carpenter. He never lifted a finger around the house. We argued about it and he said I should have to do more than him because.... wait for it... IT WASN'T LIKE I HAD A REAL JOB. Seriously.... I'm a fucking Firefighter/Paramedic making three times his salary, and he says I don't have a REAL job. Ummm.... how much more REAL can it get than being a firefighter? This dynamic is so deeply embedded in our culture, and it needs to GO. BTW- That BF went THAT DAY. Adios, mother fucker!

That would be my sign to get a job. I would then divided all of the bills evenly EXCEPT for day care. That one would be his responsibility.

Since he thinks you don't work, it won't be long before he starts complaining about how you spend his money.

My husband makes a significant amount more money than I do and works A LOT! I only work outside the home 2x a week. Even when we are at dinner, away on vacation, he is glued to his phone checking emails and messages. He says because of his job (he has a significant amount of responsibility) he has to be available 24/7. I believe him, but he also has people that work under him that he has placed in those positions to help him. He feels that they do great work, but he does it better. He read an article in the Wall Street Journal that talked about different household responsibilities. They gave different examples and never said that one was better than the other. He fixated on the one that stated that the person that makes the most money should do the least amount of work in the home. He used to at least help put xmas tree up and lights outside at xmas time, now the only thing he does is the outside lights. The only reason he does that is that I threaten to hire someone. He used to cook 1-2 meals a week, now it is only xmas and thanksgiving (of course a show for family). HE used to take out the garbage, not anymore. Everything else is my job. I wish I could go on strike, but I hate a messy house. My BS3 will also take advantage and make it worse if we left things go.

Like most of the others said on here, my DH also does very little to help out. He does make 3x what I make, but he started doing less once we had babies. He never helps with the babies. He does NOTHING inside the house, and very grudgingly does anything outside the house. He can't even be bothered to give any ideas for dinner, nevermind make anything himself. On rare occasions he will do the dishes when I give the boys a bath, but he doesn't mind that because that's sort of "quiet time" for him when they are in the tub. He hates that the house is messy, but I'm taking care of two kids, doing all the errands, cooking all the meals, AND trying to do some work from home, as well as taking our kids to work with me one day a week. The only thing he does is his own laundry.

He made a comment the other day that if he loses his job, he still couldn't be a house husband. Yeah, no kidding. Life as we know would end if he actually dared to do anything inside the house. *snort*

I actually think that whomever does not work outside the home, should do the lions share of the house work.

Now he could have bathed his kid, but not clean and do dishes.

my ex used to say the same thing. what a sorry pos. to me it's an excuse and the beginning of the whole mental manipulation. it starts with things like that then pretty soon you'll be telling yourself how he's so tired bc he works all day. and be in total agreement. the funny thing is.. i actually had a fulltime job as well!! yeh, i let him tell me that and be a lazy ass for YEARS until one day i just woke up.

My SO comes home and normally cleans, works, or does something around the house, every single day. I realize most guys aren't like this and believe me he get's ticked if I've done nothing all day but he does pull his weight. And man, it's nice!!

You don't need to take that crap off him.

DH and I had an argument about this last time he left as he had friends over and expected me to be a 1950's housewife which I am not. I told his friends his problem because there was so much mud being tracked in my house I couldn't control it. He eventually got over it.

However generally I handle laundry and basic picking up, while he does outside work and cooking. When he is home he has nothing but the projects he chooses generally unless there is maybe one I ask him to do this time it is the fence which hasn't been fixed though he's been him home 2 weeks but has been "So busy with other stuff". I will probably probe him on it tonight. I work from home 2 days a week which are laundry days and I will generally pick up. We try to get SS to pick up his toys before bed each night so the main area of the house usually doesn't look bad.

If he doesn't help I will ask him sometimes, or I will see something wrong after a long day and tell him how long my day is and then start doing chores. I call it "guilt chores" and he will get onto me to sit down and relax because that is what he is doing and I will point out it needs to be done either he will help or he will be very grateful later.

When there are kids in the house the housewife is pretty much working full time seven days a week - point out the seven to him.

Tell him if he does all the laundry, changes the beds, vacuums and cleans the bathrooms on Saturday you'll pre-prepare Sundays meals and both of you can take Sunday off and take the kids to the park or get a babysitter and take in a movie.

If he says no then the other choice is to work after "work" just like you do.

Frankly he's not going to change and I'd just leave or accept things as they are. No matter what you do he will soon revert back to his old ways. That's the way his parents were and that's the way his grandparents were. He's not going to change.

This irritates me too!!

Don't get me wrong, FDH is amazing in almost every aspect, except for this. Yes I understand that work can be hard and stressful. But at the same time, he gets weekends, vacation, sick days, and gets to LEAVE work. Where as SAHM, such as myself don't get weekends, sick days, vacations or even to leave the house at the end of the day.

I get I'm not the 'bread winner' but holy S*hit if I were to combine everything I do into one job ,which is impossible, I'd be making BANK!

Let's see... Chief, house cleaner, laundry mat, daycare, showfur. I read somewhere that if SAHM were to get a paycheck we would be making around 100,000$ a year. I just wish I could collect that paycheck. Then I'd be the bread winner and not looked at like I could do more.

I understand your frustration... I just wish FDH and I could trade places for a week... No, a day. I'm sure he'd change his tune. Lol