Your hubby is with YOU....he married YOU....not her....and you my dear, are that baby's stepmom.....so stand by your guy in court, i am sure he will need that moral support! And as for the whacko......Honey, kill that bitch with confidence, eye contact, class and kindness. It will give her too much joy to see you uncomfortable in court. Dress to kill, hair, makeup, ect..and reflect confidence in your body language....YOU WILL WALK OUTTA THERE FEELING LIKE A MILLION BUCKS! TRUST ME. She is trying to use the child as a tool, and only sorry bitches do that to thier own. Right now I would be twice as positive and twice as strong for your other half. As far as the affection thing....I am certain it is the novelty...That boy is making up for some lost time. Don't fret....when you are all together, don't be afraid to march up to HIM and give him a kiss, put your arms around him or whisper in his ear about LATER...hehe.....he just needs a friendly remider;)

It's true that part of being a step-mom is all about being a support for others; others that are not "our children" others that are not "our family" but almost always being there for others. The rewards are slim. People tend to assume the worst. I had one co-worker assume that because I am a step-mom I automatically hate my skids. That was my first five minutes on the job btw. Fun fun. Breaking down negative perceptions on sm's will take decades if not centuries, but we need to keep plugging away.

For whatever reason we decided to be in a relationship with this man and we took on all of who he is including this nonsense. It's a pain in the but, there's no getting around that, but at the end of the day you go to the court together, you live with the results together and you share the wins and the losses in court. The in between court dates time is the real prize. This is why we fight. My husband is no saint, but he better than a lot of men in a lot of ways. Also, the second and third marriages are sometimes better because of more life experience and lessons learned, despite the bittersweet aspects of the past failed marriages.

I didn't realize how much I took on until I found myself in the middle of it. There's a song by Dar Williams that says "We start in the middle and work our way out." For me that is what being a sm has been like. The kids are already how ever many years into their programming and I'm this influence that got dropped into their lives following a painful situation for them. It's not an easy way to forge a relationship with anybody. We get a bad rap somtimes but at the end of the day you can ask people "When is the last time you cooked and cleaned and did laundry for someone elses kids." They will probably just stare at you blankly because most people don't do all these things for other people's children. No matter what happens I always hang onto the fact that I am giving to children.

"One breath at a time is an acceptable plan."
Ani DiFranco

Susanna and with an outlook like that you will be one person who always stands on top not underneath and walked over like many BM's love to do to new step mums. Hugs to you. Sometimes with situations we are put in, it's not that easy to keep that good intention we started with, like when the skids themselves are rude and disrespect you, hate you and lie to others to get back at you for some pain they think you have caused. Sad I know but your post was nice to read, that someone had a different outlook.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

If anyone can give me some suggestions I would greatly appreciate it....the story goes like this.....my boyfriend has been divorced for 2.5 years from his ex-wife (she initiated the divorce and was unfaithful)he has 3 wonderful children age 14,11,and 9. My boyfriend and his ex live about 2 miles from one another and have worked out a great schedule for the kids so he has them 50% or somtimes more of the time. He is an extremly involved father and he has a fantastic relationship with his kids. So where is the problem you ask???? Look no further than the jealous, bitter, mean, vidictive ex-wife. I came into the picture 1 1/2 years ago. When my BF was first dating after the divorce he never introduced any of his lady friends to the kids and only after he and I became serious did he slowly start incorporating me into the kids lives and I have to say it has gone flawlessly. However the transition for his ex-hasnt gone as smooth. She refuses to speak to me, even when my BF is working and I have the kids she will call his cell and ask him a ? and have him relay the info to me! I have sent 2 letters to her trying to open the communication gap and she still refuses. She is constantly putting the kids in the middle and berates my BF's father skills because she knows that bothers him even tho she admits he is a great dad and only does it to make him mad. She has a boyfriend so to speak (they have broken up 3 times) and he was the one she cheated with. The middle child has a major issue with her boyfriend and becomes very upset when he is around, even after such a long time. We have asked that this be addressed and his ex says "she will just have to get over it". I have to also let you know she is a grade school principal so I thought she would be more understanding to her own childrens feelings. She still refuses to have any sort of open line of communication with me and I am out of hope. I know how important being a good example to the kids is but I am soooo sick of taking the high road when it comes to there mom. Also I am stuck with buying mothers day, birthday,christmas presents for her since her "boyfriend" refuses to take the kids to do so and when the kids ask me I dont have the heart to refuse and have them be empty-handed for these occasions. Any suggestions on how to try to get her to communicate , even on the most basic level, with mem for the kids sake????

Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.

75% of stepwives have little or no communication with the ex wife because A) The ex wives are controlling, manipulative witches who want to be able to excert their on-going control and power over our husband's.Your presence wreaks this for her as she knows that now your input is going to cause(if it has'nt already) your husband, her ex to question her agenda continuously. Your presence means that her ex is not stewing over her anymore(not that he ever was, but boy do these ex's love to inflate their own ego's by believing that our husbands have been wanting them back) Now she has to face the fact that her ex doesnt want her, he has you. Another area of lost power over your husband.C.) These ex wives are now on the defensive, they do not want to share their children with us, (hell most of them dont want to share them with their childrens own fathers), and possibly appear or actually be a better mother, or God forbid the children love us too....this is another area of control. You need to see that these ex's are so caught up in themselves, and their insecurities, that to actually communicate with you would be to acknowledge your existance and hell will freeze over before she does that.I think it takes a good heart to do what you have for the kids in buying their bm gifts for occassions, but dont expect a thankyou from her, just knowing YOU bought them with HER children(which means you and her children are bonding...God forbid), will be enough to make her wait just long enough( 5 minutes to a couple days,however long it takes the children to forget about the gift) so she can trash it.