I would first like to I'm new and hello and say hello. I would like to start by saying that my issue is very complicated and that I hope I don't lose anyone. I would like to start with some background iformation. My fiance was married to his first wife. While married they had a child who was the foster kid of someone else who really didn't want him, so they decided they would raise him. They raised him for about two and a half years and then the wife died. The person who was originally suppose to be the caretaker of the son decided she wanted him back. My fiance lost him and began a battle with the state to get him back. In the end he won and was able to adopt him at the age of three. Now I'll fast forward to the present. My fiance is a firefighter and has to work 24 hour shifts, because of this, the son has to stay with the grandmother (deceased wife's mother) on the days my fiance has to work. Now comes the problems. His son is five years old and will talk to anyone like he is twenty. He has no problem telling an adult to shut up. He is very disrespectful at times. The grandmother lets him get away with everything and doesn't really discipline him. The grandmother also does his homework for him and does not follow through on punishments that are give. My fiance lets him get away with everything also. He feels that as long as he has the means to give his son everything he wants he will do it. In a five month time of being in school his son has been in serious trouble about six or seven times. When we go to the school to talk to the teacher, she says that he is terrible and if he was her son he would have been knocked through the wall three or four times by now. Neither he nor the grandmother follow through with punishments and he turns around and is trouble again. My fiance feels that since he was adopted that he would pour everything into his son. His son is a manipulator, liar and thinks he can do whatever he wants to. Now hear comes my problem. I do not have any kids and have actually become attached to this little boy, but my fiance overrules alot of the things that I say and it really bothers me. Sometimes I get to the point where I want to pack up and leave. The way he is raising this child makes me not want to have children with him because I don't agree with so many things that he does. Sometimes I get these feelings like screw them both and I know that is not right. Another problem is that when the son does get in trouble at school he calls me and asks me to leave work to pick him up but at the same time he doesn't want me to have any input on how he is disciplined. In this situation I feel he should leave work and get him himself since how I feel doesn't matter. This is all new to me so maybe this is why I am so fustrated. I really need some advice. If I am wrong with the way I feel I need to hear someone to tell me. I hope someone can help me with this situation because I am so lost.
With all this said his son loves me but thinks I am the mean one because I do follow through on punishments.