chores
Forums:
hi
I'm new here.
it seems for me the greatest source of contentionin our house is the dishes. My dh expects them perfect. His bio kids are praised and marvelled at for their efforts, with my bio kids he complains, finds fault, and doesn't thank or praise. That is just the way it is here.
I can't change the way my dh feels, and it makes me feel defensive and used.
we can't get over this hurdle, its been 5 years together, my sh is chatting to x the, actually left today.
he says that he can't handle the disrespect from his 14sd my bio daughter.
any opinions had be helpful.
I don't really know what to do if he returns.
regards
7inaJam
sorry. That should have
sorry. That should have read. My dh has been chatting with his x girlfriends lately and left me today. Sorry
I am so sorry your DH left.
I am so sorry your DH left. I'm sure the issue isn't solely about the dishes, if it were, the easy answer would be get a dishwasher. But I think there are deeper issues going on. Has your DH talked to you about his relationship with your daughter other than to say he feels disrespected? If he returns, maybe this could be a starting point, and if there are things you can address about the relationship, perhaps he would find it easier to live with her.
However, he may have decided that step life is not for him, and this is just the reason he is justifying leaving over. Stepfamilies are a minefield to negotiate, and would challenge anyone.
Hi Kes The dishes are a big
Hi Kes
The dishes are a big deal for dh. And your right its not the only issue we have. My dh is flirty with other women and has an anger issue. I get that these things happen because the relationship is headed south. I suppose I had hoped that things would just progress. He has had health issues and been out of work almost 3 months, our finances are at a low.
I suppose I feel that at its core, our relationship has failed because we could not negotiate the bombs of being a blended family.
We have attended councilling and sometimes it works. I suppose we have constantly been falling flat on our face so often I've given up. He says he has a good relationship with everyone except sd, and he lets it get to him. He can't seem to stop trying to parent her, when I am the bio mum and her bio dad passed away.
SD mental health has hit all time low with the constant conflict, and she thought about taking her life late last year. That was it for me. I don't tolerate the humilation and making mountains out of mole hills.
I get the lying down in a darked room... I can't believe that it comes to that.
Anyhow, thanks for the feedback. Will welcome more xo
"SD mental health has hit all
"SD mental health has hit all time low with the constant conflict, and she thought about taking her life late last year. That was it for me. I don't tolerate the humilation and making mountains out of mole hills."
But... it wasn't it for you. He's the one who had enough.
Seriously - time for you to focus on your child(ren). At least one of them is at risk for self-harm, and THAT is where your priorities should lie. He's using your kid as an excuse.
Hi jumanji Your very right.
Hi jumanji
Your very right. My daughter became sick the week before Christmas, I wasn't sure what the issue - depression - was relating to. Her operation (she almost died earlier this year - she had a cyst (1kg) which almost burst inside her - then she had a huge scar. I and dh spoke with the psychologist. The psychologist thought it was wise not to (separate during this tumulatuous time), it also mean't that we could go on a sailing trip that my daughter was looking forward to. (having something to look forward is very important for depressed kids).
My dh had made changes (had started antidepressants), and things had been looking really positive. I had hope.
I have been told I focus too much on what is right, not what is wrong. It is my weakness.
I have been asking for clarity - now I have it...
Gosh, you are coping with a
Gosh, you are coping with a lot on your shoulders - DH out of work/health issues and your daughter with mental health issues. It might actually turn out to be a good thing that your DH has left - even if this is only temporary, it may give you a breathing space to decide whether you really want to try and make a go of things with him, or whether you need to put your daughter's (and perhaps your own) needs first, and chalk this relationship up to experience.
I don't mean that to sound flippant, but there seems to be so much stacked against things working out for you. You sound like a strong woman - whatever you decide to do, I hope things go well for you, and keep posting here. People have not responded to your post much because it's mainly folk from the USA on here - and they are all still asleep - I am in the UK.