Ok. So, I'm new to this- first post on any kind of forum. Sorry for any "faux pas" I'm just looking for advice/comisseration/a place to vent. Also wondering if there is a place to find a local support group of sorts for new Steppies

Ok. So. I'm 27. Hubs is 31 and we have a 16 month old daughter. We got married a month ago- but have been together for 4 years. Husband has an 11 year old son from a previous relationship/college hook up who primarily lived with his Mom 2 hours away from us- and doing the every-other-weekend with us thing- until the day we got back from our honeymoon. He has been living with us for about a month- and things are going pretty smoothly. He's registered for school, switched insurances and doctors and just finished a basketball camp so he can meet kids that will be in his classes next year. I stay home with my daughter, so he's just been hanging out with us most of the summer- he's great with the baby. And is generally a very good kid- only the normal 11 year old boy issues.

So his Mom (BM from here on) is... interesting. She is 31, has 3 kids by 3 different guys. And is apparently incapable of having any additional children because she had a hystorectime ( butchered that word?). She is "married" to a kid who is 23 (i think) who is NOT the father of any of her other children. In the past 4 years that I've been involved, she has been very unstable- medically, mentally etc. She has moved my stepson in and out of houses, apartments, etc. She has been in several car accidents, she has had heart surgery, etc. Also- her kids are constantly sick and always in the hospital. It's like she's a walking/talking curse or something. It's hard to say if she brings it on herself or if she just has terrible luck. Anyways, the problem is not really her- it's obvious that she loves her kids and she is very devoted to them. Our main concern is the people she chooses to bring into her life and the environment in which she allows her children to be in.

All 3 of these last men/boys/kids etc have been young, and unstable. She has had to have restraining orders against each and every one of them. They are violent towards her- but it's hard to say if they're violent towards my SS. She has asked SS to lie to us, to keep things from us, etc. SS has told us stories about her sleeping with him and barricading the door so that current husband has to break it down to get in there when he comes home drunk. SS says he has smacked him, pushed him etc. So- there's SOME violence, but nothing life-threatening (yet).

There are several problems- SS wont tell us this stuff- he tells my husbands Parents who then tell me leaving ME to tell husband. It's all very stupid and puts me in a bad situation. So when finally I confront SS in front of my husband about what he's been telling my MIL he breaks down and tells us everything. We make the decision that he is moving here- tell BM and she breaks down crying and saying she knows he'll be better off here etc. And then sends him texts telling him that she wants him to come back and that SS's brothers need him and she needs him to protect her etc.

So our current dilema is that she's married to this guy- who is apparently bipoloar, and somewhat violent, who she had a restraining order against a month ago. And she wants my SS to come and stay with her on the weekends. He went back once and we asked that he stay at BM's Mother's house- not at BMs house that she shares with crazy husband. SS misses his Mom and brothers and we dont want to punish him by not allowing him to go. But my Hubs and I don't know where to draw the line. BM insists that crazy husband has changed and is on medication and has even "ALMOST quit smoking because SS doesn't like it"... BM also feeds us lines of bull-hockey constantly and things NEVER change.

Someone PLEASE help!!! What do we do???!