Bios vs Steps --- ???
I apologize in advance...I'm going to make this as short as possible. If you have questions because of lack of info I'll try to fill in the blanks.
So in a blended family where I am disengaged from SS15 unless it directly effects me or mine. There was an issue last night between SS & SD16 were arguing but it got turned around and blamed on BS16 (he told SD something SS did to her personal belongings, which started the argument). Fast-forward about 10 minutes and DH goes to see what is going on and finds SS on the phone with BM telling her that he wants to move in with her (keep in mind she hasn't picked him up for her EOW in 6 weeks) because: he is being bullied, picked on, had to take an 8 minute shower (there's a back story to that), wants to run away, etc. DH then gets a call from BM, repeating all that SS just told her.
Going to give some back story. I've been married to DH for 9 & 1/2 years. SS & SD have lived with us for 9 of those years. I have only disengaged from ss in the past 9 months to a year. I tried diligently with him, as I did with SD who I have the best relationship with. He absolutely did not want it. He has pushed and fought from the beginning of our marriage to split our family apart, and still to this day does. He will lie and manipulate both BM and DH (not that it's his fault they fall for it) to create turmoil between any and all of us. I tried also for years to get DH to see what SS was doing. I tried to talk to DH about the issue. I asked him repeatedly to talk to SS, ask him what was wrong, why he didn't want us together as a family, why he would make up lies on the other children (even his own sister). DH just ignored it all.
Back to last night. After BM called, he went out and spoke to SS...for 3 hours. My bios don't call their BD when things go down at my house and complain to him, therefore my exDH doesn't call me to question what's going on in our home. I am glad that DH finally spoke to SS, I have no idea what they discussed it's none of my business. However, as his current wife I feel like the multiple times, leading up to my disengaging, I begged and pleaded with him to acknowledge the issues should be valued over BM calling in an emotional state because SS called her angry in the heat of an argument.
Should Bios take precedence over Current spouses when the current spouse is financially supporting the child and a FTSP?
Are you supporting your
Are you supporting your spouse financially? Hell NO....
Is he supporting you financially ? Try and get financially independent.
Now who takes what rank in life? No one takes any rank in life, the adults have to stand together as a united front in their house and all children should respect it. You already have the respect of 2/3 kids in the house - keep disengaged from the 3rd one, DH can handle him all on his own, and as soon as SD starts with her disrespect, disengage.
Keep on parenting your bio the way you are doing and accept that you and DH have different parenting styles,
Then lastly, teach your BS to stay out of skids issues, if SS does something to SD's property he should not tell her, he can come to you and say mum, SS did this or that, I'm just informing you to have evidence it's not me... you never know when SD will turn on BS..... then BS simply have to stay out of their fights... you as well...
DH & I collectively
DH & I collectively financially support the children in the home, I receive Cs, DH has a CO to receive but isn't receiving any at this time...waiting on CSE to take charge.
Thanks for the insight.
If it helps.. your DH wasn't
If it helps.. your DH wasn't dealing with this because his EX told him to. He was dealing with it because the situation was raining crap down on his head. Because SS was running to mommy and telling tales out of school, your DH was getting a load of hassle courtesy of his EX. So, since he was dealing with the fallout of SS's actions.. he decided to deal with SS.
I know it doesn't help much because he should have been doing more of this when it was you getting the fallout, but that's why he did it this time.
I do agree that your son should try to steer clear of things that would involve getting between his step sibllings. He isn't interested in SD is he? (maybe why he is trying to curry favor by telling her something like that).
No nothing like that. There
No nothing like that. There are actually 4 children in the house. BS16, BD16, SD16 & SS15. All three sixteen year olds have a close relationship because they relate on the issues SS has caused them over the years. Also, BS & SD's boyfriend are BFs so I don't think it's anything like that tbh.
However, I do agree that him just staying out of their issues will be better for him.
I have to admit I am torn, happy DH acknowledged SS's issues & irritated he didn't do it the 8 years I tried to talk to him about it.
I understand... At least he
I understand... At least he is dealing with it.. and its' because it has finally become uncomfortable to HIM...lol.
"not that it's his fault"
"not that it's his fault" ..... :? :jawdrop: Bullshit it not the toxic spawn's fault. He is pulling that crap so yes... it is his fault. What needs to happen IMHO is for the adults (you, DH, BM) to put your collective footwear up his ass and shake his head loose from his rectum.
Now for this one. "Should Bios take precedence over Current spouses when the current spouse is financially supporting the child and a FTSP?" Hell no a kid never takes priority over a spouse or a marriage whether the kid is a BK or not. Kids are the top responsibility of the adults in the equation but the kids never are the priority over the equity life partner.
IMHO of course.