Looking for Suggestions

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To make this short, the issue is an ongoing issue for the past 4 years. SS15 continues to charge lunches at school racking up hundreds of dollars in charges. I have 4 teenagers in the house, I buy the stuff for them to make & take their lunches for everyday. The other three kids either make their lunches or they simply don't eat lunch at school and eat when they get home. Ages are 16, 16, 16 & 15, all old enough to make that decision on their own.

We've told SS he is not allowed to charge his lunch. He simply does it anyway

We've tried talking to the school, asking them to stop letting him charge. It has not helped.

The school offers a "courtesy meal" for free. I don't agree with SS taking that lunch, because it should be for students that do not have the means of obtaining food any other way. However, he could get the free lunch, but he does not. He gets the $2.00 lunch & they charge his account.

We've made SS work to earn money, then used that money to pay some of the charges. Within a week of doing this he started charging again.

As of today, including the past three years, we will have paid somewhere between $850.00-$1000.00 for one child to eat school lunches.

I am looking for suggestions to offer to DH to try to get this to stop.

Holy box o' milk, your skid

Holy box o' milk, your skid is an a$$hole.

I think I'd try once more to get the school to stop selling lunches to him. And I'd inform the brat that you will no longer be paying off his school debt, so if that means he cant get his diploma or transcripts released senior year, oh well.

I tried speaking to the

I tried speaking to the school again today. I don't know yet what will come of it.

We actually haven't paid for any of this years charges out of our money. Only the money he earned from working.

I wish the threat of no diploma or transcripts would work with this one, the lunch charges just barely scratches the surface of the issues with him. We'll be lucky if he is even eligible for graduation in 4-5yrs. He simply has no motivation for that. He has no choice, living in our home the rules are you are either in school or working and contributing.

Sending him to BM is out of the question. She's an addict that never has a permanent residence.

This is insane. Does SS have

This is insane. Does SS have a phone? There's no phone unless this nonsense ends. Take away whatever means the most to him until he stops acting like a five-year-old.

This is insane. Does SS have

This is insane. Does SS have a phone? There's no phone unless this nonsense ends. Take away whatever means the most to him until he stops acting like a five-year-old.

This is insane. Does SS have

This is insane. Does SS have a phone? There's no phone unless this nonsense ends. Take away whatever means the most to him until he stops acting like a five-year-old.

He does have a phone, however

He does have a phone, however we do not pay for it. His maternal grandmother does. It can be taken though.

We do not buy him anything extra, mainly because he does not deserve extras, also because he does not take care of things. He only gets birthday and Christmas gifts from us at this point. Would it be wrong to tell him his birthday money is being put towards his charges? I could very well do this, but I know myself and I would feel guilty, even though I know I shouldn't.

You all are right, he is an ASS. There are so many other things we deal with when it comes to him. He is a great manipulator so it's a real battle to get DH to consistently discipline, but DH has been doing great over the last three weeks. Yes, there has been an issue at least once a week for three weeks regarding SS.

Also, the WiFi is a great option! Thanks.

Maybe you should pack his

Maybe you should pack his lunch and bring it to him at school right in front of all of his friends. I'm betting it would only take a few days of his being embarrassed and he won't forget his lunch anymore. Teenagers hate to be embarrassed in front of their friends.

OMG, I wish I could do this.

OMG, I wish I could do this. Unfortunately I work an hour away from home and DH works anywhere from an hour to 2.5 hours(due to traffic) away.

BTW, SS isn't forgetting his

BTW, SS isn't forgetting his lunch. He simply isn't making one. Which is his choice.

He can wait, and eat the lunch stuff I buy, when he gets home from school. My BS does this, but he has never once charged his lunch.

BS knows everything he needs to take his lunch is at home. It is up to him to get up in the mornings or the night before to make it. BS decided he would rather do his own thing in the evening, rather that's chatting on his phone, watching TV, whatever, and he'd rather sleep later in the mornings. Again, I am fine with all this. As long as I don't get a call from the school saying "As of today, BS has $100+ in lunch charges". Which is exactly what happened with SS today.

I like the idea of taking it to him to see if the embarrassment would help, but I just don't know if it would. Plus it's just not an option for me or DH to do this.
I also think with SS, he would see it as an easy way to get lunch made and brought to him. So much more to this kid than one post can explain.

I honestly think using

I honestly think using Birthday money sounds reasonable, letting him know why. His birthday gift went into his belly already.

Have Dad Take away the phone too. I would have no patience with this nonsense.

Although I do love Dad showing up at school with his lunch. Embarrassment is a great motivator too!

I’d let your DH be the punisher though. This kid is likely to get worse before he gets better.

DH is absolute consequence

DH is absolute consequence enforcer with SS. I am (in my own way) disengaged from SS. I only engage if something affects me or the other three kids in the home, and they need my support. DH is not always consistent, but lately with SS getting into more trouble & the trouble now becoming things he will eventually be kicked out of school for or end up in a detention center, DH is trying really hard to stay consistent.

He has progressively been getting worse for several years now. We are still waiting on the "better".

So your husband is asking the

So your husband is asking the school to punish his kid for breaking a house rule?

This is a high school kid. Expecting the school to babysit him is absurd. Schools can't withhold food from students. If they do, they open themselves up to claims of abuse. They can't give him the "free" meal everyday either. They have to tally and budget for all of the meals they serve.

Not sure this is a battle

Not sure this is a battle worth fighting if SS pays for his own meals. Give the other kids that option too. I agree with Disney that it's unlikely the school will keep him out of the cafeteria.

Make it SS's problem. He knows the rules. If he isn't going to follow them (he's made that clear) and he wants to buy lunches, that's on him, but he has to find a way to earn money to pay for them or he forfeits birthday and Christmas money. You're not out anything financially.

Yes, he's an ass. Lazy and defiant. But unless you follow him around at school, he's going to continue to buy lunches. YOU (really DH) make it his responsibility to pay for them.

Actually we will be out

Actually we will be out financially if we (DH) can't find someone to allow SS to work to earn money, then we have to have him do extra chores around the house to earn the money, hence still out of our finances.

I think we only want the school's help. His punishment at home is to have to work off the debt. In the meantime, stopping him from charging more & keeping him out of the cafeteria to be able to do so, seems to be a sensible solution. He will hate not being able to eat lunch with his friends & hopefully think about it before he charges another lunch. If the school has a way to stop SS from charging then we wouldn't need help in keeping him from racking up the debt.

Here's the thing. SS has had approximately $150.00 sent to him by his maternal grandmother since the beginning of this school year. He has not chosen to use any of that money to pay for these lunches, he spent the money elsewhere and continued to charge the lunches. We we not aware of this year's debt until today. Otherwise, we would have taken that money and put it towards his debt.

While do agree the school can't take the risk of turning a kid away for food, I'm hoping between DH, myself and with the school's help to have a plan of action if SS "claims" not to have a lunch. There's no excuse for him not having one EVERY SINGLE DAY. Once in a while, if he forgets it at home, we're willing to pay for those. But that is simply not the case with this kid. In the past, he would fix a lunch, eat breakfast then eat the lunch from home before lunch time at school, then charge a lunch, come in and eat the afternoon snack and the meal I fixed for dinner. The point being, he never goes without food, at home or school.

I would definitely take the

I would definitely take the phone for the defiance. Also tell him that any birthday and Christmas money will be used to pay off his lunch debt. Does he have any other currency? Video games? Going out with friends? Take that away as long as the defiance continues. What about a driver's license? Are you in a state where he can get a permit at 15 if he takes drivers' ed? Maybe his drivers' ed money needs to go to pay for lunch.

He's been in so much trouble,

He's been in so much trouble, DH & I have not allowed him to get a learners permit yet.

Just a thought...as I recall

Just a thought...as I recall 15 year old boys eat a lot...is it possible he is actually eating the courtesy lunch each day, but also getting extra food that the school caf staff have to charge him for.

It could be that a lunch lady in there knows the real deal but is not able to speak up about it? Sounds like a case of 'not my problem' at the school, but then, it actually isn't. The only thing they could possibly do is make him a cash only purchaser...but that is likely impossible in the context of a busy checkout, when all the other kids have charging privileges.

Being that this is the fourth

Being that this is the fourth year in a row we have dealt with this, it's not that he is just a growing/hungry boy. He eats breakfast, has the option to take more than the school lunch offers by taking his lunch from home, eats a snack at home in the afternoon and dinner with seconds almost every meal. He is simply being lazy by not fixing his lunch and taking it to school. It's easier for him to charge a lunch...for now...until we get this under control, hopefully with the school's help.

Well, that’s selfish as Hell!

Well, that’s selfish as Hell! I think a three-prong approach...

Deny him access to the account
Talk to the school about it and tell them he can’t have this anymore, that he’s abusing something the other family members are doing right with.

The parents give them; the parents take them away.
Find something that you can take. Some folks suggested phone privileges. Maybe you can have dinner for the family and everyone has one thing - and Captain Selfish gets a piping hot bowl of ramen soup.

“There’s no shame in doing wrong - just in getting caught”
We know that’s the mantra of the entitled jerk/narcissist. Seek counseling. My guess is this kid somehow feels like he’s being slighted somehow and he “deserves” something special.. with kids of such similar ages, I’ll venture a guess that the rivalries are strong.

Good luck!

You are correct, the rivalry

You are correct, the rivalry is grandiose. He may "feel" he is being slighted, but that's simply not true. Being that the four of them were all young when DH and I married, it has been very easy to treat them all the same. I grew up with family that treated some better than others, I refused to ever be that way, rather it's step parenting or simply as a host to guest in our home. He is in counseling twice a week already. We just keep adding to the list of things we need to work on with the counselor.

I've read this awesome book,

I've read this awesome book, think it might be something you'd be interested in:
https://www.amazon.com/Entitlement-Cure-Finding-Success-Things/dp/031033...

If you'd like a brief YouTube video on it to get a feel of "from where the author's coming from," check this out:
https://youtu.be/NWg-CyOpjos

Good luck!

Is he consuming the lunch

Is he consuming the lunch himself? My OBS was double dipping (getting 2 lunches). We were pretty tight on money at the time. It turned out that he was feeding a classmate who did not get lunch or much to eat at home. Her parents did not qualify for any kind of assistance and were bad with money.

Our school system here will give kids a cheese sandwich, fruit and milk at no charge but will not allow a hot meal to be charged.

Our school offers free

Our school offers free lunches, similar to those you mentioned, PB&J fruit milk. No he isn't giving them to the needy (I wish it was this way, I'd be proud of him in a way, but explain we can't afford to do it).

Something I have learned since this all came about Friday: my SD actually sent my DH a video of SS eating a school lunch, when asked about it SS claimed he paid for it with money his grandmother had given him. We checked the date on the video she sent and the date on the lunch account print out...He charged the lunch that day.

This kid is a complete

This kid is a complete a$$hole. So defiant! And he's winning at this game.

He needs to be embarrassed publicly, shamed in front of his peers as someone else suggested. Maybe your DH should carve out some time to devote to having lunch at school with his brat? Every day for a week?

Your SS has confidence in his ability to game his parents and the system. He is STEALING.

For those interested...the

For those interested...the school, who has also had to deal with SS misbehaving & disrupting classes, was more than willing to help us with this situation.

SS has lunch detention from now until he pays back his debt. DH made him pack a lunch last night for today and took his cell phone away.

DH asked me to print the report the school emailed (15 pgs of transactions). When he asked SS about him charging his lunches, SS claimed he had only charged lunch three times - that's when DH broke out the report to prove to SS he knew he was lying.

We also found out that the school had given SS two stapled letters, (addressed to DH & myself) that contained the amount of his lunch debt, last week and the week before, that SS never brought home to us. We don't know what he did with those letters. We now have requested all information be sent via e-mail to DH & I be Cc'd for printing purposes (I work in an office, DH works outside in construction, we do not have a printer in the home).

A$$hole & Defiant...those are understatements for this skids! Everyday it's something with him. I feel bad for DH, because he can't come home after a 16-18hr work day without having to deal with some BS from SS.

Wwwwwwhowwww... time for

Wwwwwwhowwww... time for tough love. Hang in there!

Java_Junkie I am in it for

Java_Junkie I am in it for the long haul! Nearly 10 years of this, I will not give up simply because I know DH needs my help. I won't do all the work for him, but I will support him. Thanks for the encouragement!

OSS was pulling this crap as

OSS was pulling this crap as well. He'd make a lunch at home, then eat that PLUS a bunch of junk he bought at school. And he'd pack a big lunch- 2 sandwiches, a couple pieces of fruit, chips or pretzels, a yogurt, a dessert (or two), and a drink. He was a teenage boy; we didn't restrict (within reason) the size of his lunch. There was NO need for him to buy more than that. At one point we were letting him buy a school lunch ($3 a day) instead of bringing a lunch, but he'd add all the other junk and he was spending a fortune.

The crap hit the fan one day in 1oth grade when- in one week- he purchased 12 slices of pizza, 16 brownies, 10 of those giant cookies, 6 bag of chips, and 6 Snapple. On top of the lunches he brought. That was a $70 charge for one week. We couldn't afford that.

Fortunately, we were able to put a restriction on his account. He could order the day's lunch entrée, but no snacks.

It is so frustrating! The

It is so frustrating! The other children in our home, which one is of the same age and gender, do not do this. I haven't even mentioned SS also ate an gallon of ice cream, that was supposed to be for the entire family, Sunday while DH & I were at the grocery store. No one else was home, but SS denied eating it!

The school administrator who happened to be familiar with SS from his 3 years in Jr. High is the one who is willingly working with us. I have yet to hear back from the head of the cafeteria - Board of Education, to determine if they will turn his account off or allow it to be cash only purchases. Which was the request, in writing, at the start of the past two school years.

SS has taken a lunch from home Tuesday, Wednesday & Today. He is still serving lunch detention. He does not have his cell phone, we also remembered his Xbox and took it. He has to do his regular chore each day plus an additional chores to earn television time. We will not pay him in cash to pay for his charges, he is responsible for finding work outside the home to earn that money.

Not eating lunch won't do this kid any harm. A few days of lunch time hunger pangs will teach him a lesson.

Don't pay the school for any charges made by this Skid. They will get on board.