BF doesn't want my son and I around when he has his kids
I know this is a rather common issue and I've read lots of posts about it. In my situation, my BF has his two kids every other weeknd. My son lives with me and goes with his dad every otehr weekend. The kids are 9, 8, & 6, two boys and a girl. My son being a very friendly child looks forward to the weekends when my BF's kids come. He loves having the other boy around and they are great pals. My son is not so happy about the girl, but he tolerates her. My BF has mentioned he wants more time alone with his kids. I try to give it to him by having my son go with his dad on our kid weekends for a day/night once in a while or taking my son to my sister's house for a while and such. I understand he needs time alone with his kids, especially since the boys are inseparable when together.
It seems though that no matter how much time I try to give my BF alone with his kids it's never enough. Then there are instinces where the kids are getting on each other's nerves and I know my BF is getting frustrated, as am I, and that maybe we should separate them. The problem comes in that they don't want to be separated. If I try to take my son out of the house and leave the kids he freaks and if he takes his kids out, they will go reluctantly but want my son to go and/or my son wants to go with them. On the few occasions when we have had my BF's kids individually or when my son isn't here they are bored and complain and ask repeatedly when my son is going to get home. I know it upsets my BF because he wants his kids to want to spend time wiht him but they are just kids, you know? They want to play with other kids too!
What to do I ask?
My thoughts EXACTLY! Matter
My thoughts EXACTLY! Matter of fact BF's son said, 'we're practically step-brothers!' to my son the other day. It warmed my heart and made me smile but I don't think BF was quite as pleased by the statement.
Told BF that I was concerned that it feels like it will always be his kids, my kid and he said he felt that was the way it should be. I asked will it ever be OUR kids? Not meaning that I want to take over the mom role for his kids at all, but just that everything is so separate with him and he seems to work pretty hard to keep it that way.
I think it's important for
I think it's important for parents to spend time with their kids one on one also-BUT if everybody is getting along pretty well and meshing good then I think there isn't that much need to seperate the skids. Maybe an outing one day of that weekend just you and your bs and him and his skids-like Friday evening or Sunday afternoon?
I'm now on the other side of this. We dont' live together though so it will be easier. But basically I'm refusing to have my SD over on our "kids wknd" and will spend it alone w/my bios and he can go jump hoops for her-I don't care. BUT there are serious problems w/her behavior which neither I or my kids should have to tolerate anymore in OUR home.
If they all got along decently then I wouldn't ever need to do this.
I'm sorry but it sounds like
I'm sorry but it sounds like your BF doesnt intend your relationship to be a forever relationship. He wants to keep things seperate perhaps for an easier out in the future. If he intended to be with you for the long haul he would want you and your kids to be included and he would be prepping his kids for the day you become a blended family. Since he doesnt do this and has even said he does not want it at all, it would lead me to wonder what kind of long term plans or longevity his view of your relationship would have. I also totally agree with ls1988. Since the kids get along and particularly want to be together there is no reason whatsoever to seperate them. When they do have issues instead of seperating them your BF should be teaching them how to work out their conflicts. If he wants his kids to be all to himself then he should either be single or in a relationship with a women who does not have (nor want) kids.
Good points all. I'm
Good points all. I'm starting to wonder now that you mention it if this isn't a way to give him an easy out and just how long he expects this to last. I know it's been in the back of my mind too, lately, whether it will last or not. I feel like maybe we are both keeping one foot out the door and not all in to some degree. I guess it's a conversation we should have. I mean early on we both discussed that neither of us has any real inclination to get married anytime soon and we are both ok with not having that 'piece of paper' but we did talk quite a bit more long range before and now we do but not as often.
I think you and BF are way
I think you and BF are way overdo for a talk on these issues. You really should have decided what roles you each would play and how to blend the families well before you moved it. Better late though then never, you need answers & need them now, then decide if they are ones you can live with. It sounds as if BF wants a roomie, not a wife.
However, for the sake of your son if you continue in this frame, take him out yourself for some good quality mom & me time. Then at least he won't feel shuffled off for the skids.