Bad feelings toward SD went to far
I am on here complaining out my bratty, spoiled SD10 and crazy BM for sure! However, I want to share Another story about what I went thru on the other side of it. I got married second time when my BD was 4. My husband was always great with my daughter when we were dating and thru beginning of marriage until it happened....our Biodaughter was born. She was his world, he was instantly connected and she was the most important thing in his life. I think his connection to her, he couldn't share any of that anymore with his then SD. My guess as I never coukd completely figure it out nor has he ever explained his actions. Maybe one day he will. Anyways it started with little things, ignoring her, maybe a comment here and there....then would bring gifts home for his bioD right in front of SD. Then bully like behavior started. Wouldn't move out of her way walking down the hall, intimidation type tactics, yelling at her. I did bring this up to him many times and we discussed their relationship and his behavior and he always just said she pushed his buttons on purpose. Not sure about that, she was 5...she pushed everyone's buttons lol.
Then came the day that changed my world in one instant. He purposefully stuck his foot out and tripped her while she was riding her scooter. My two neighbors were standing right there and witnessed it. I was packing my truck up across the street as we had a girl scout outting that evening. Not only did he do it on purpose, he turned and said to my neighbors, after she flipped on her scooter, hit the concrete and ran home crying, "I better go home, that little bitch is going to tell on me". Our marriage ended that day and he was exited from my home that week. I felt so guilty for so long. How could I have foreseen that? My BD now 12 was 8 at the time and said it was an accident and I didn't correct her. I didn't want her to feel responsible for the divorce and didn't want her to think her step dad could do that to her. Nor have her hate her younger sisters father. Just a couple mouths ago we went out to breakfast together for a special day and she dropped the bomb on me that she knew it wasn't an accident. OMG..all this time I thought I was protecting her from the evilness of that truth and she was protecting me. In her little 8 year old world, somehow she was protecting me. I learned so much from that smart brave girl that day. I hope my lesson learned carries over to my newer SD relationship and as much as she annoys me, not to make it so apparent. Kids are smart, smarter than we think they are sometimes. As soon as we think they haven't a clue, they will shock you!
If you are in a relationship and get that gut feeling that things are not right and you question leaving your child in the care of a step parent, please listen to your self. I had those feelings 6 months prior to this event. This was the first ( and last) physical act he did to her, My daughter walked away with minor scrapes and bruises and of course emotional damage that I hope with our continued open communication we will heal. It could have been way worse, she could have been severely injured.
Just wanted to share, helps me heal to tell my story and hope that maybe it helps someone else.
What a jerk. Someone should
What a jerk. Someone should have put a foot in his ass.
Im sorry that happened to
Im sorry that happened to your daughter. Im glad you left. Theres a line between disengaging and not puttin up with skids antics and being down right cruel.
I am disengaged from ss, and we have a new schedule of visitation. He comes here once a month for a weekend. I leave. I leave mostly for my self and the salvation of my marriage, but i leave for ss too. I wouldnt be cruel, but im no longer pleasant. This is a win win for everyone.
Its not the greatest solution, but it has to be this way. This solution is the best on for everyone. Not just for one.
Your right, these kids know. They pick up on it.
Thank you for sharing that
Thank you for sharing that story. It sounds like you did everything right to save a marriage that couldn't be saved - and that is all on him. You made the right call to end it for your daughter's sake. I work in the court system and have seen quite a few cases where the mother takes the stepfather's side over her own child, even in highly abusive situations.
You make a really good point about keeping one's true feelings hidden around an annoying stepchild. All kids are annoying, but it's harder to be tolerant when it's not your own kid. Being a stepparent has to be one of the hardest things a person can take on, and being a
stepparent, one who offers love and guidance and caring parenting to a kid who isn't her own? That takes constant work. But I think it's worth it.
I am so sorry this happened
I am so sorry this happened to your daughter and to you, and actually sorry for your younger child too - because of her father's actions he broke up your family and cheated her out of a cohesive unit.
However, you did the right thing. Entirely. No matter how much I have wanted to slap my ss, I would never do so, let alone purposely have hurt him :jawdrop: Your ex has issues. I think it would have been awfully hard to inform your DD that her stepdad had done that purposely, esp since you thought she was unaware - after all she was only 8.
I had something like this happen to me. My uncle tried to punch me in the face when I was 8, I was a handful (hyperactive) so definately pushed his buttons and I thought my mother was going to kill him but that kind of thing stays with you. I felt like I was to blame. I had asked for it.
Whenever you think any of
Whenever you think any of this has scarred her, remind yourself that taking action THAT DAY showed her how important she was and how much she means to you. That one action certainly made such a huge difference to her and she will always love you for it.
IDK what it is about this kind of behavior. My bf acts different when his kids are around. It is nothing so serious as the above, but it's like they have to show their allegiance to their kids or something. It has really confused my daughter. He even puts his daughters above his son. It's little things. But I notice them.
I have to echo my.kids.mom's
I have to echo my.kids.mom's comment about the fact that yes, that was a bad memory for your daughter to form, but the fact that you did not waste time letting similar things keep happening told her just how much you care about her well being in the end. She told you that she knew he did it on purpose to let you know that you did the right thing and that she appreciates the fact that you took the incident as seriously as you did. Because of you, she knows she doesn't have to take that kind of crap from someone in her life that is supposed to love her and be there for her. She had a horrible experience, but she got a very valuable lesson out of it. Bravo for sticking up for your child.
And I'M going to echo what my
And I'M going to echo what my kids mom and storybook said! Heck all kids have unpleasant things happen to them, that's life. As I've said before, the most important thing for us as parents to do is to be their wall against people that would do them harm. And that's exactly what you did
You suspected, and as soon as you had concrete proof you acted.My own mother never protected my poor brother against our dad's withering attacks- he's had horrible problems because of it. She re married when I was 15, my step father is only 10 years older thatn me and had no interest in me, but wasn't too bad other than the drinking. Well,one day he sat down next to me (my mother could hear him in the next room) and told me I was a loser, my attitude would prevent me from becoming anything, and basically i was a hopeless case. Mind you I was a typical obnoxous teenager, but i was an honor roll student, and I worked since the age of 12. What I remeber most about it is not his awful words, but that my mother didn't stop it. At least then I could tell my brother I knew how it felt. 
"Because of you, she knows
"Because of you, she knows she doesn't have to take that kind of crap from someone in her life that is supposed to love her and be there for her."
THIS